Woman Hides from Daughter That She’s Adopted — Bio Mom Shows up & Asks to Meet the Girl

A woman wondered if she was wrong for not allowing her son’s ex-lover to meet their daughter after both parents decided they did not want to keep the baby. She turned to the internet for advice.

A mother of an 11-year-old daughter and 33-year-old son turned to Reddit for advice on whether or not she should allow her son’s ex-lover to meet her daughter 11 years after she had said she didn’t want her.

Eleven years before the post, the woman’s son had gotten a woman named Erica pregnant. Neither Erica nor the woman’s son wanted to keep the baby, but since the woman and her husband had tried and failed to have more children, they decided they would raise the child as their own.

For 11 years, the couple raised the daughter of their son and Erica as their own, never telling her they were not her birth parents and that her brother was her father. However, this all turned on its head when Erica changed her mind.

What Happened Between the Parents and Their Son

The woman shared that she and her husband did not have a good relationship with their son, as he had no interest in seeing or being around his daughter. However, they regularly texted and had phone calls with him.

Although the woman and her husband paid Erica’s rent for two years while she was in college and helped her financially, they also had a strained relationship with her after she gave her child up to them.

One day, the couple’s son visited them. “He told us Erica had asked to see our daughter,” the woman recounted. While the woman’s husband had told Erica they might have allowed contact when she was pregnant, they didn’t feel it was appropriate then. This is when things went awry.

What Happened When the Woman Refused Erica’s Contact?

The woman and her husband decided that they would tell her when they felt their daughter was well enough to handle the news that her grandparents had adopted her from her father and his lover.

However, with their daughter in therapy for anxiety, they decided it would not be the right time to drop that bombshell on her. The woman’s son thought she was being horrible to Erica.
Erica, who had since given birth to a boy who was two then, said she couldn’t imagine how the little girl would feel when she found out that her adoptive mother had been keeping a massive secret from her all these years.

Erica’s parents, who the woman and her husband had known for 25 years and had been friends with when Erica fell pregnant the first time, refused contact with the couple and said they had “allowed” the adoption eleven years before.

The woman was confused at the reactions she received because they had been through something similar before. She revealed

“Nobody had a problem [three] years ago when we went through this. Erica contacted us then, and we shot her down telling her that we weren’t comfortable until our daughter was an adult, but now suddenly everyone is losing their mind.”

Some people supported the woman, telling her she had every right to decide what was suitable for her daughter and when to tell her about the situation. Many said the woman was the girl’s mother for all intents and purposes, and those around her should accept it.

However, some users thought the woman was being unreasonable, not telling her daughter her true life story and denying the girl’s biological mother access, especially since they had implied she might have had contact when she was pregnant.

Many said the woman’s daughter had as much right to know she was adopted as her biological mom had to request to meet her. Some advised that she tell her daughter what was happening and then find out if she would like to meet her biological mother.

Do you think the woman and her husband were right in not allowing their daughter to meet her biological mother? How would you have handled the situation if you were in their shoes?

Interfamily adoptions are not common, but they do happen.

The situation described is undoubtedly a complex and emotionally charged one. When it comes to deciding whether the woman and her husband were right in not allowing their daughter to meet her biological mother, there are several factors to consider.

The Child’s Best Interests: The most critical consideration should be the well-being and best interests of the child. It’s important to take into account the child’s age, emotional state, and her ability to understand and process the information. The fact that the child is in therapy for anxiety suggests that introducing such a significant revelation might not be in her best interests at this time.

Timing and Communication: The timing of sharing this information with the child is crucial. It should be done in a way that is age-appropriate and with the guidance of a therapist or counselor who can help the child cope with the emotions and changes that may arise. Open and honest communication is key.

Biological Mother’s Rights: While the woman and her husband have been the child’s primary caregivers for 11 years, it’s important to acknowledge the biological mother’s rights. She has a legal and emotional connection to the child, and her desire to meet her is valid. However, this desire should be balanced with the child’s well-being.

Legal Considerations: Depending on the jurisdiction, there may be legal implications to consider. The woman and her husband may want to consult with a family law attorney to understand their rights and responsibilities.

Family Dynamics: The relationships between all family members, including the extended family, play a significant role in these decisions. It’s important to consider how these dynamics may affect the child and her understanding of the situation.

In summary, this is a challenging situation that requires careful consideration and sensitivity to the child’s emotions and needs. The decision should prioritize the child’s well-being, and communication should be open and guided by professionals who can provide support and guidance to all parties involved. Ultimately, there may be a middle ground that allows the child to learn about her adoption and make decisions about meeting her biological mother when she is ready.