Things Narcissistic Mothers Say To Their Children

Mothers play an indispensable role in shaping our sense of self-worth, confidence, and emotional intelligence during our formative years. However, the presence of a narcissistic mother can significantly impede this crucial process of personal growth. Such mothers often invalidate their children’s feelings, paving the way for issues like anxiety and depression to manifest.

Narcissism, a spectrum of personality traits, can escalate to the more severe condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Individuals with NPD exhibit traits such as an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. The impact of NPD extends to work, relationships, and mental health, often involving issues like substance abuse.

A narcissistic mother can foster sibling rivalry and competition among her children. This unhealthy dynamic can lead to a breakdown of sibling relationships, with one or more feeling less favored, unworthy, and eventually envious. The mother’s desire to be the center of attention may result in undermining her daughter’s relationships with friends and family, as well as influencing her choices in various aspects of life.

Control is a key element in maternal narcissism, with children, especially daughters, seen as extensions of the mother herself. This often results in a stifling environment where the child must conform to the mother’s preferences in appearance, behavior, friendships, and even career choices. The “my way or the highway” approach undermines the child’s ability to develop independent decision-making skills, fostering dependence on the mother.

A peculiar aspect of maternal narcissism lies in the stark contrast between the public persona and private behavior of the mother. Externally, she may project an image of perfection — a loving, supportive, and charitable individual. This facade is meticulously maintained for peers and society, while at home, she may exhibit emotional unavailability, dismissiveness, manipulation, and malicious behavior.

The impact of maternal narcissism on children is profound and enduring. A lack of empathy and emotional support from the mother can lead to lasting negative effects. Children of narcissistic parents often grapple with depression and anxiety. These struggles may persist into adulthood, affecting their ability to form and maintain meaningful relationships.

Adult children of narcissistic mothers may find themselves questioning their self-worth, hindered by thoughts like, “If my mother can’t love me, who will?” This mindset can impede the development of close relationships, as individuals may struggle to perceive themselves as valuable. The constant pursuit of validation and approval from the narcissistic mother leaves a lasting impression, leading to high-achieving yet perpetually self-critical adults.

It is crucial for those who have experienced maternal narcissism to recognize that their mother’s behavior is not their responsibility. Seeking professional help can aid in understanding and overcoming the emotional trauma associated with narcissistic parenting. Remember, recovery takes time and effort, and prioritizing self-care is essential for building a healthy sense of self-worth and improving self-esteem.

What are Some Things a Narcissistic Mother may say?

While there could be many things a narcissistic parent may say. According to Psychotherapist Lena Derhally, some things they could say are as follows:

“That never happened. You must have imagined it.”
“I do so much for you, and you never show appreciation!”
“You should try being more like your [another person]. They’re so wonderful.”
“Why can’t you just get over it already?”
“Don’t waste your time. It’s probably too hard for you.”
“You’re always so busy with your own life that you don’t even think about me.”
“I’m so tired of doing everything for you.”
“You’re gaining weight and won’t be able to fit your new clothes soon.”
“I’m going to have to punish you if you don’t do exactly what I say.”
“Be quiet. Nobody cares what you have to say.”
“It’s your fault I have to punish you.”
“Can’t you see that I’m busy? I don’t have time for you right now.”
“Don’t even ask me! The answer is no.”
“I’m the only person who could ever really love you.”
“I gave up my whole life for you, and you only care about yourself!”
“You would be so pretty if you just lost a few pounds.”
“I’ll never understand how I gave birth to a child like you.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“You’re tired? How do you think I feel?! I do everything around here.”
“Thanks for cooking — even if it isn’t very good.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”