AITA for losing my s**t over cookies when my DIL tossed them out ?

A user on Reddit recently expressed their annoyance after their daughter-in-law, Emily, disposed of a batch of cookies they had made from scratch for their grandchildren. The Reddit user, who enjoys baking and thinks it’s important to provide homemade goodies, has had continuous disagreements with Emily, who is mindful of her health and steers clear of processed foods.

Following an understanding that the grandchildren were allowed a single cookie during visits, Emily escalated the situation by discarding the cookies altogether, citing health concerns.

This sparked a disagreement, and now the Redditor is declining to babysit unless their son addresses the issue. Continue reading to discover how tensions escalated in this family conflict…

‘ AITA for losing my s**t over cookies when my DIL tossed them out ?’

I am a skilled baker who loves creating delicious desserts for all to savor. My daughter-in-law, Emily, is very focused on healthy living, especially now that she has two children. She tends to stay away from sugar, prefers organic options, and steers clear of processed foods.

When my grandchildren come over, I typically bake cookies or some other treat for them. However, every time my mother sees them, she usually starts lecturing about how unhealthy the sweets are. We had a disagreement about this a while back, specifically about not giving the children unhealthy snacks.

I emphasized that everything was made from scratch and that I offer more than just cookies. My son intervened, and we reached an agreement that the children could have one cookie during their visits. This arrangement worked well for some time, but that changed yesterday.

The children visited yesterday evening, and I baked some cookies. They were in the process of cooling on the wire rack. Before leaving, Emily and my son chose to have a conversation. While they were talking, Emily entered the kitchen and disposed of the cookies in the trash.

When I inquired about her motives, she asserted it was a kindness because of their detrimental health effects. I retorted, raising my voice, that she was out of line discarding food I had labored to prepare. She became defensive, stating she was simply attempting to be helpful.

My son intervened, advising me to relax, but I was beyondReason. Emily exited the room, visibly upset, and my son is now suggesting that I went too far and should offer an apology. I informed my son that I would not be providing childcare services until he addresses this matter and that I would not be apologizing.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

AgnarCrackenhammer −  NTA. Emily is rude as hell. The occasional cookie or two won’t kill the kids

mfruitfly −  NTA. Yes, parents get to decide how their children eat, and I think other people should respect that, unless it creates a burden (aka, if they want kids to eat vegan, but it is difficult to cook a separate meal, or they want specific foods but are unwilling to pay for those foods).

In this scenario, you wouldn’t be able to offer the children any cookies, despite the fact that you’re helping out by watching them. However, everyone reached a MIDDLE GROUND and decided that each child could have one cookie. Furthermore, your daughter-in-law didn’t simply determine that her children couldn’t have cookies; she discarded cookies that YOU baked, using your own supplies.

You need to be direct with your son. Everyone agreed to this arrangement, and it was incredibly impolite of your daughter-in-law to discard your food in your own house; there’s simply no justification for that. Would he be comfortable with you entering their house, opening their cabinets, and throwing out whatever you pleased?

Of course not. If your daughter-in-law didn’t want her children eating cookies, she had the option of simply stating that. Instead, she damaged your belongings. You owe no one an apology. You didn’t resort to insults; you simply raised your voice about her specific wrongdoing.

She owes you an apology and needs to acknowledge that she went way too far regarding what’s acceptable behavior in someone else’s house. She wasn’t genuinely trying to “help,” and they’re both aware of that. I wouldn’t allow them back into my home until they can fully understand this and offer a sincere apology.

quietgrrrlriot −  NTA – how is throwing out food not an overreaction? DIL has a ferociously unhealthy relationship with food if she can’t even control her actions around food that doesn’t belong to her. Food isn’t healthy or unhealthy, it’s just food.

If she were truly concerned, she would educate her own child on the principles of moderation and healthy decision-making, instead of attempting to control the dietary choices of others. You have already reached a fair agreement about the children’s diet while they are at your house.

If your daughter-in-law expresses remorse for discarding your food, it’s reasonable to apologize for raising your voice or using harsh language. However, given that she disrespected you within your own residence, it’s illogical for her to expect gratitude.

anothertypicalcmmnt −  NTA What in the world gave Emily the idea she could throw away cookies in someone else’s home. She doesn’t even have the excuse that she thought they were old or stale or some how not good to eat, because you said they were on a cooling rack!!!

Emily should apologize to you, as she undoubtedly crossed a line in your house. It’s her prerogative to dictate her children’s diets, but that authority doesn’t extend to your food choices or the contents of your kitchen.

drdish2020 −  I’m a baker and this would tick me off something fierce. But, more importantly – you’re babysitting, right? It’s not just that they’re visiting. You’re taking care of the kids so your son and DIL can go out… And of course they’re not paying you.

So yeah, NTA. Everyone concurred that one cookie was acceptable, and one would likely be provided from that batch, but your DIL disposed of all of them. And all this happened before she and your son went out, while you were providing free labor for them? The level of entitlement is infuriating.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. DIL sounds like a b**ly who uses health as a pretext to control people around her. If this was about health, DIL could recommend baking recipes that don’t call for tons sugar and butter,

there are recipes suitable for vegans, and those avoiding lactose, gluten, or carbohydrates, among others. Additionally, labeling foods as “forbidden” can contribute to eating disorders; it’s generally more beneficial to educate children about balanced eating habits rather than completely prohibiting certain foods.

PurplePassiflor1234 −  Hot take: ESH. Mom has an issue with you feeding her kids cookies. Doesn’t matter why, or how you feel about it. She said no. You “but I’m the granny and it’s cookies though!” argued with her. You should have RESPECTED her choice for HER kids.

That makes you the only jerk in this scenario. However, throwing away cookies that YOU intended to consume simply because your daughter-in-law believed they were detrimental to YOU makes her a jerk as well. A whole family of jerks. An entire family of jerks.

Quick-Possession-245 −  *told my son that I will not be babysitting until he handles this situation and i will not apologize*. Good for you. Emily was completely out of line. NTA

BlackSongbird −  ESH, she shouldn’t have thrown away the cookies, she had no right. She also shouldn’t have claimed she was doing you a favour when she knew full well it was a purely s**fish act. However, you shouldn’t be giving the kids cookies when their parents ask you not to, which is why I chose ESH.

You acknowledge that you baked the cookies with the intention of sharing them with the children, not solely for your own consumption. You are aware that your daughter-in-law prefers the children not to eat cookies, yet you consistently opt to bake fresh cookies and leave them out to cool, fully aware that the children will be tempted by their aroma and request them.

Freshly made cookies are irresistible, particularly to children. Additionally, you might be unintentionally demonstrating to them that disregarding their mother’s directives is acceptable by offering them cookies despite her explicit disapproval.

I don’t think we should stop kids from eating food they aren’t allergic to, as it can lead to problems with food. However, I understand that if the children are healthy, it’s not really my decision to make.

By blatantly ignoring the guidelines set by the parents, you’re fostering discord between them and yourself, and you compromise your capacity to be a reliable adult figure for the children. Should the children express distress over the cookie restriction, a straightforward “While I might not fully understand it, this is your mother’s choice, and I honor her judgment” will suffice.

Let’s try to create something that meets her approval while also appealing to us. This approach effectively demonstrates to children that we can value others’ choices, even if we don’t fully comprehend or share them.

The children will mature and opt to either emulate their mother’s path or indulge in any food they desire. The latter is more probable, and if you manage this well, your children will come to your house with their initial earnings, requesting the cookie recipe.

Perhaps they’ll have a positive connection with their Daughter-In-Law as grown-ups, or perhaps a divide will have grown between them, but you can honestly say that you were not involved in the situation.

If you genuinely love taking care of children and being with your grandchildren, I suggest researching nutritious snack options and discussing the recipes you discover with your daughter-in-law. Explore whether you can reach a middle ground where you can continue baking for the children while still satisfying your daughter-in-law.

bonlow87 −  ESH. Emily had no right to throw something away in your home. She agreed to the 1 cookie decision, and it sounds like it was adhered to during this visit. There was no reason for her to escalate.

My son intervened, and we agreed that the children could have a single cookie while visiting. They are the decision-makers for their children, not you. There’s no need to negotiate with you regarding the children’s upbringing. It’s absurd that you even challenged her choice as their mother.

Now, if your son and she wish to figure out the cookie issue at home and reach an agreement, that’s perfectly acceptable. Why not explore alternative avenues for connecting with your grandchildren? Or, you could invest time in mastering a treat recipe that aligns with their dietary preferences. That could have been a genuinely positive activity for you and your daughter-in-law to work on together.

Was the Redditor right to be upset, considering the time and energy they invested in the baking? Or was their response an overreaction to a situation that was meant to prioritize health? What would be your approach to resolving a food-related disagreement within a family, especially when parenting is involved? Let’s hear your opinions!