AITA for telling my mom and dad that they have to get their noses pierced if they want to see my daughter again?

After a woman’s parents had her one-year-old daughter’s ears pierced without asking, she and her husband were outraged and ended their visit prematurely. They declined further visits unless her parents consented to having their noses pierced as a symbolic act to recognize their transgression.

Her parents, along with other relatives, deemed this request excessive, which led to increased friction and family members phoning to support the grandparents’ behavior. The original story is available below…

‘ AITA for telling my mom and dad that they have to get their noses pierced if they want to see my daughter again?’

My spouse and I journey to Mexico to spend time with my relatives. I hold American citizenship, but my parents do not. For my daughter’s birthday, my parents gifted her earrings. However, my daughter does not have pierced ears. She is just a year old.

I had said I would keep them for her until she was old enough to get her ears pierced. We left our daughter in my parents’ care when we went to see some friends. When we went to get our daughter, my mom showed us that we didn’t need to wait because they had taken her to get her ears pierced.

I grabbed my daughter and pulled my husband away before he completely lost it. We returned to our hotel. I’m beyond angry. My husband declared that my parents are permanently banned from unsupervised visits with our daughter. I went even further.

I said that I would not be bringing her, or any other kids we might have, down here to see my parents. We checked out three days early and went home.
On the way home my parents were calling me to see when we were coming over. I ignored all the calls and texts until we were back home in Phoenix.

We gave ourselves a few days to reflect and calm down. Eventually, I phoned them. I requested that they listen without interrupting until I finished speaking. I explained that my husband and I were angry that they had pierced our baby’s ears without our consent.

I informed them that we had returned home and likely would not be visiting in the near future. They mentioned that both my sister and I had our ears pierced as infants and that it caused no harm. I reiterated that we were not going to alter our decision.

They began to mobilize everyone, even my grandmother, to pressure me, claiming my stance was absurd. After discussing it with my husband, we reached a middle ground. We decided to resume visits, but without any one-on-one interactions, on the condition that they both got nose piercings.

They called us foolish and refused to do it. I simply said “no problem” and ended the call. We’ve begun blocking anyone who tries to contact us and harass us for refusing my parents’ RIGHT to visit my daughter.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Ready_Tank_7463 −  NTA. I read your “ultimatum” as more tongue-in-cheek. Not that you’re actually expecting them to get their noses pierced but that you’re simply enforcing a NC boundary (knowing that they’re obviously not getting themselves pierced). I think that’s fine and fair.

What they did was deeply flawed in numerous ways. Given their unwillingness to apologize or accept responsibility for their significant error in judgment, I believe initiating no contact is a suitable response.

mellow-drama −  These posts just blow my mind. Grandparents want to do something. Parent says, no (in this case, daughter is too young for that). Grandparents do it anyway – in this case PHYSICALLY ALTERING the child’s body against their parents’ wishes.

A parent departs with their child, and the grandparents – who were anticipating a visit – receive no communication from the parent for several days, even beyond the expected return date from the trip. The grandparent’s reaction is, “Wow.”

I didn’t think it was a big deal but my kid is so mad they took their kid home, cut their vacation short, without even saying goodbye AND they haven’t spoken to me in days. Should I (A) apologize and take accountability for having gone against their wishes with their kid, even though I personally don’t think their rule made sense,

(B) intensify the situation by suggesting they are exaggerating and informing them that I have the right to do whatever I wish with their child, and they have no authority; or (C) Implement B and also contact all my friends and family, sob to them about how I am being victimized, and request they pressure my child about my sadness and their bad behavior. Yes, definitely C!”

Accepting responsibility for your mistakes is a hallmark of adulthood. It’s a simple act. The more significant the consequences – for instance, your ability to maintain a relationship with your grown child and their family – the more readily you should acknowledge your errors.

But no, parents would prefer to be right instead of content. How dare their child (a grown-up, married person with their own kid) believe they don’t have to listen? How dare that child try to set limits or rules for their family or child; don’t they realize who I am?

I,who CHOSE to have a child, actually fed and clothed that child when it was helpless and I was required to care for the life I CHOSE to bring into the world. That means the child owes me obedience in everything and forevermore!!!

The nose piercing issue is absurd, but had they simply offered an apology and provided some breathing room, I believe the original poster would have eventually allowed them to visit, perhaps without constant supervision.

Instead of saying sorry, they staged a whole production, turning the entire family against the original poster just for pointing out, “It’s wrong that you betrayed me, violated the trust I gave you to look after my child, and made permanent changes to my child’s body after I specifically forbade it.”

Stick to your principles, OP. If your parents prioritize being “correct” over maintaining a relationship with you, then they are not the type of individuals you would want influencing your children. You are not the asshole.

MelodiesOfLife6 −  They said that my sister and I both had pierced ears when we were babies and that it did not harm us. I mean I would have just come back with “And you as the PARENTS decided to do that, you didn’t let someone else do it behind your back did you?. ​

That concludes the discussion. They deliberately acted without your consent regarding a decision about YOUR child. You are not the asshole.

Jayy-Quellenn −  NTA. Putting holes in a childs body (thats not your child) should be down right abuse and punishable by crime. I’m honestly amazed they found a piercer that was willing to do it without LEGAL guardian consent.

But I suppose this occurred in Mexico, where tattoo and piercing establishments likely operate under different regulations. I imagine such a practice would be against the law in the US, unless they managed to find someone willing to perform the piercing discreetly without proper authorization.

youshallcallmebetty −  NTA. And hilarious clap back to them. Protect your child. Can’t believe they felt entitled enough to get a baby’s ears pierced without getting permission.

-DementedAvenger- −  unique chop caption shaggy sand deranged school piquant spark complete. This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

ivylass −  NTA. I hate hate HATE this custom of piercing baby’s ears. They’re not old enough to understand why they’re being hurt. Your parents crossed a line and you and your husband are well within your rights to tell them to back off. Keep doing what you’re doing.

Relevant-Inside8117 −  You’re Mexican. So to your parents this is ridiculous. You already knew that though. If this is something you’re willing to cut your parents out over then go for it. Don’t offer d**bass ultimatums. That just makes you sound dumb and immature.

This is your child, and you have the right to prevent your parents from seeing her for whatever reason you choose. If you are at ease with this decision, that is your prerogative. I am somewhat irritated that you appear to be missing the cultural implications in this situation. It’s common knowledge that baby girls in Mexico have their ears pierced, and it’s not a significant problem.

You grew up with them, so you’re already aware of this. I’m curious as to why you don’t seem to grasp that they don’t see this as a major issue. You’re not the bad guy because, as a parent, you have the right to make any choice you want for your child.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Tell them to p**s off. This is YOUR daughter and you have every right to be mad. Sure, a lot of babies do get their ears pierced when they’re, well, babies, but that doesn’t mean the grandparents make those decisions.

They don’t care about your child’s well-being. As the original poster, you should shield your child from them. They are not entitled to interfere in your family affairs. They have already raised their children, so it is time for them to allow the child’s actual parents to be in control.

Was this a fair middle ground, or an excessive request? Let us know what you think in the comments!