Aita for telling my sister’s fiance that my sister hid my mother’s cheating which resulted in him calling the engagement off?

A user on Reddit recounts the strained familial relationships and animosity they’ve harbored since learning of their mother’s unfaithfulness. The situation escalates when the user’s sister, who concealed the affair, reveals she is getting married.

Ticked off in the aftermath of a heated exchange with her, the original poster opts to reveal her conduct to her fiancé, which results in the termination of their engagement and a family dispute. Continue reading to determine if you believe the Redditor’s decision was reasonable or an overreaction.

‘ Aita for telling my sister’s fiance that my sister hid my mother’s cheating which resulted in him calling the engagement off?’

I’m a 22-year-old male, and my sister is a 25-year-old female. Our parents finalized their divorce three years ago. My mother cheated on my father with a colleague for a year. I’m not privy to all the specifics, but both parents requested that I keep it a secret within the family, claiming that no one else should be informed for my sister’s and my benefit.

They opted for an amicable split, each retaining their respective possessions. I resented my mother’s actions and was embarrassed by her behavior, especially since she displayed no remorse. I ceased communication with her, regardless of her attempts to reach out.

My dad instructed me to remain silent, keeping it confined to the four of us. My sister was aware but concealed her mother’s actions. Subsequently, we had a significant argument and ceased communication.

After their split, my dad kept in contact with her, seeing her regularly, and she would come to our place. I moved in with my dad after the divorce, and whenever she came over, we would avoid each other, with her focusing solely on spending time with my dad.

My mother has made repeated attempts to reach out and see me, and continues to do so. In the past, she even went to my father’s home, forced her way inside, embraced me, and accused me of being heartless for excluding her from my life, insisting that regardless of the circumstances, I will always be her son and she will always be my mother.

I continued to disregard her, and to this day, she texts me, expressing remorse, seeking conversation, inquiring about my well-being, and suggesting a meeting, among other things. Yet, I persist in ignoring her, even when our paths cross.

Five days prior, my sister invited my father and me to her home for a small family reunion. We accepted, and upon arrival, my sister and her boyfriend (whom I was unaware of) revealed their engagement to both our families. The event proceeded without incident.

My sibling then took me to the side, confessing that my invitation was solely to maintain appearances for her marriage. She told me I needed to attend to appease her fiancé, who frequently questioned our lack of communication, a topic she had been concealing. She insisted I suppress my feelings for a day, attend the wedding, and behave as if everything were fine.

I was incredibly upset with her comment, but I kept quiet to avoid a confrontation and re-entered the house. I was livid about her words, so I looked him up on Instagram, revealed the truth to him, clarified everything, and requested that he keep it a secret as a personal favor.

He got back to me, declining the offer but acknowledging my statement. Subsequently, my sister contacted me, alleging that I had destroyed her future. Her fiancé ended their engagement, stating he was unwilling to marry someone who protects a cheater. She insisted that I should have kept the secret, as we had all agreed.

She hurled insults at me before disconnecting the call. Then, my mother texted, blaming me for supposedly destroying my sister’s existence and accusing me of mistreating both my sister and her, but I chose to disregard that message too.

I inquired with my dad whether he was upset with me. He responded that he wasn’t. While he wouldn’t have acted as I have toward my mom and sister, he acknowledged that I’m an adult and must determine my own course of action for myself and my family.

aitaforlife: Am I the bad guy for revealing my sister’s true nature to her fiancé, and also for not speaking to my mom? I’m still incredibly upset with both of them after all this time, and perhaps my actions were vindictive, but I felt the fiancé had a right to know. So, am I the bad guy?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

These-Squash8193 −  NTA She pulled you into it. Honestly pretty dumb of her to try to rope you in a lie considering how you reacted to the original lie. Tell these people to pound sand. Your sister and her mother are both two peas in a pot and they only way they will be happy is if you stoop to their level.

t4skmaster −  Sorry man, convincing your kids to keep secrets to help them avoid shame for their mistakes is fucked up. Something like cheating which blows your family apart is no longer “your” secret to keep, because it’s affected everyone.

It’s comparable to someone transmitting a sexually transmitted infection to you and then expecting you to conceal it from their subsequent lover. It’s simply wrong, and they’re not entitled to have their mess covered up, especially not by your children. Your children are not responsible for shielding you. Don’t involve them.

Mother_Search3350 −  She covered up your mom’s affair, demands that you lie to her Fiance and cover up for her. And she thinks you are the AH? Because you don’t want to be part of her continuous lies? 

SarahIsJustHere −  I mean, her ex-fiance says he doesn’t want to be with someone who covers up cheating. I can respect that, but in the grand scheme of things, I can see that it was *maybe* something he could have gotten over…. …BUTTTTTT….. …when you add the fact that:

a) He was forced to find this out from someone other than his future wife; b) realize that she hadn’t just been dodging the issue, but had been directly dishonest with him; and, c) find out that she was even asking more people to keep lying to him for the rest of his life… seriously… it’s no surprise he broke up with her. She has given him absolutely no basis to have faith in her.

Tfuentexxx −  This will be inaccurately called fake, because well you made them pay. But for me it was something that made my day… Thanks and well done. Cheaters and cheaters supporters don’t deserve anything better. The ex fiance did deserve better and you allowed him to get it.

duckat −  NTA. Your mom is the c**ater. Not you. Why should you or anybody else enable her? She is the one that put your father and your family to shame. You told the truth and that’s was not a bad thing.

SmotherOfGod −  NTA. Imagine if they got married, had kids and then he found out. It would have blown up a whole family. She can chose to lie to him but that doesn’t mean you have to. 

AussiInNZ −  NTA
THEY agreed to make this a secret …. in other words they told you to keep it a secret, it was not your choice. They had apparently agreed to lie to the Fiance forever too …. And have you join in on the lie, WOW. Your cutting them off should have been a clue to them

MattDaveys −  I asked my father if he is angry at me, my father said he is not, he personally wouldn’t have done what I did and still doing to my mom and sister but I am an adult and I should decide what I should do for me and my family.

His nonchalant attitude suggests he’s been wanting to be honest but feared negative social repercussions. Not the asshole.

cutgiveanna −  I was about to say you were TAH, but nevermind. She decided to build a house with bad foundations, then she’s raging over it crumbling? Stupid.

Was the Redditor right to reveal the secret to the fiancé, considering how long it had been kept hidden and how betrayed he felt? Or did he go too far by interfering with his sister’s life without cause? Let us know what you think in the comments.