AITAH for not including my future stepkids in my will?

A man on Reddit is having issues with his future wife because he chose not to put her two children in his last will and testament, opting to leave everything to his adult children. He likes his fiancée’s children and has a good relationship with them, but he thinks it would be unjust to split his assets between the children he has known his entire life and the children he has only known for a short time.

His fiancée, however, thinks that marrying her requires him to completely accept her children as his own family. Continue reading to find out if you believe he is incorrect in upholding his choice.

‘ AITAH for not including my future stepkids in my will?’

I (45M) am planning to marry my fiancee (39F), who has two children (13M and 11F) from a prior relationship. We’ve been a couple for three years, and I’m very fond of her children; we have a wonderful relationship. However, I want to be clear that I have two grown children from my first marriage, and they come first for me.

The other night, my fiancee suggested modifying my will to formally add her children. She indicated that it was vital to her that her kids feel like they are just as much a part of our family as my children. I responded candidly that while I do care for her children, I do not intend to include them in my will.

I’ve consistently stated that my efforts to accumulate my assets were specifically for the benefit of my children, whom I nurtured and supported throughout their entire lives. I’ve only been acquainted with her children for a mere three years and believe it would be unjust to split my assets with children I didn’t raise or even encounter until recently.

This discussion escalated into a dispute, during which she claimed I was devaluing her children and questioned my commitment to our family unit. She argued that marrying her should obligate me to treat her children as if they were my own. However, I believe marriage doesn’t necessarily imply that my complete assets should be divided equally among four individuals.

I informed her that the matter was not open to discussion. While I care deeply for her and her children, I am not comfortable including them in my last will and testament. She has hardly spoken to me since then, and I am now questioning whether I am being unreasonable in my stance. Am I the Asshole?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

redditlurker1981 −  Does her estate include your kids??

Gohighsweetcherry −  The kids ‘will feel like part of the family’ what? When you’re dead and the will is read out?? Are they going to jump for joy with happiness that you’re all family now you’re dead?

What business is it of theirs what you decide to do with your assets? It’s all about her avarice. I advise you not to go through with the wedding. Stop mentioning the legal document, and certainly don’t list her as a beneficiary. You’re not the bad guy.

notAugustbutordinary −  Time to start looking at a pre nup. She has shown her intentions early.

parodytx −  You need a pre-nup. As in NOW. I’d be VERY worried if a potential spouse starts pressuring to change your estate plans BEFORE YOU ARE EVEN MARRIED YET!

The emotional blackmail and forced attempts at control reveal underlying problems that, fortunately, have surfaced before marriage. Perhaps a re-evaluation of the relationship is necessary.

Sensitive-Ask-9368 −  Not even dead yet and she is already splitting his estate. Huge Red Flag. Seems very interested in what “her” kids get from a man who is not their parent. I would pump the brakes on this union. PRENUP is a very good idea.

BlueGreen_1956 −  NTA – She is waving a red flag in your face. Don’t ignore it. Her idea of you caring is tied to her sucking money from you. She has shown you where her priorities lie. I would advise you to kick her to the curb but if you insist on marrying her GET A PRENUP! Make is as ironclad as possible.

CamaroDev −  I bet she fully expects you to pay for both of their ways through college too.. where is Their father??

holybucketsitscrazy −  My partner and I have been together more than 20 years. His will is split 3 ways – between his 2 kids and myself. My will is split 2 ways – half to him and half to my son.

NTA. Neither of us anticipates that our stepchildren will inherit our possessions. Ultimately, you have the freedom to allocate your resources as you see fit, and it is nobody else’s concern.

Creative_Struggle_69 −  If she’s so insistent on this, are you sure you wanna marry her? You are NTA, and I personally find her idea sketchy.

yesimreadytorumble −  your children are gonna get screwed over in case you divorce or die before this woman.

Is the Redditor’s position justified, or is he failing to grasp the full implications of accepting his fiancée’s children as his own? How would you approach estate planning in a blended family situation? Let us know your opinion in the comments!