AITA for ending my marriage because my partner wanted to make it an open one?** ?

The woman contemplates her choice to dissolve her four-year marriage when her spouse proposed exploring an open relationship. Having always valued monogamy, she experienced unease with his proposition. Despite his persistence, she opted to honor her personal limits, ultimately resulting in the dissolution of their marriage. Currently, her social circle is split, with some questioning if she should have conceded, while others support her decision to leave. The complete narrative is available below.

‘ AITA for ending my marriage because my partner wanted to make it an open one?** ?’

We had been a married couple for four years. Like every relationship, ours wasn’t perfect, but I always felt we were strongly connected and had similar goals. That said, a few months prior, my husband suggested we consider having an open marriage.

He professed profound love but suggested enriching our relationship by involving others. Given the brevity of our time together, such measures seemed premature. He insisted it wasn’t due to any deficiency in our bond, but rather a desire for personal evolution and discovery. How odd.

I felt a sense of shock. Remaining faithful to one partner has always been my practice, and we had never considered such arrangements, not even when we were getting to know each other. During our wedding, we pledged our dedication to one another. This felt like a violation of the promises we made. I expressed my discomfort with the suggestion, but he persisted in discussing it, arguing that it could improve our bond.

He eventually agreed to honor my limits, while also confessing he might grow to resent me for restricting him. That declaration devastated me. It highlighted a core divergence in our perspectives. I wasn’t willing to remain in a marriage where I constantly felt inadequate or lived in fear of future bitterness. Therefore, I chose to dissolve it.

He has since been telling our relatives and acquaintances that I abandoned our relationship prematurely. Some of our shared friends believe that I should have made a greater effort to find common ground or even consider the open marriage, while others agree with my choice. Now I’m questioning whether I’m the bad guy for ending my marriage because of this.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Cute-Profession9983 −  Anyone telling you to open the marriage to give it a shot isn’t a mutual, they’re HIS friends. No one who is actually your friend would tell a monogamous person that they need to stay married to someone who wants to bang other people.

Heraonolympia123 −  You can’t compromise on this: you are either monogamous or you’re not. I think you did the right thing as every argument would be “well, if you’d have let me sleep with other people, I wouldn’t have done xyz.” NTA 

NefariousnessFresh24 −  You do realize that to him “open marriage” means he gets to f**k around all he wants, while still having you on the side, but the moment you actually found somebody he’d be all for closing it off again?

You’re not abandoning the marriage; he’s the one not honoring his commitments. You’re not the bad guy. Give him an ultimatum: either you both attend marriage counseling, or the marriage effectively ceases to exist due to its openness.

-KristalG- −  NTA. Likely he is already cheating or at the very least is in an emotional affair.

Flat_Ad_7911 −  To me an open marriage is like cheating

Recent_Body_5784 −  How disgusting to enter into a contractual marriage with somebody without ever having spoken about that before hand. I had a boyfriend once and three years into the relationship, he casually mentioned that if he ever lost s**ual attraction for me, he wouldn’t break up with me, of course, but he would just have to start sleeping with other people.

He feigned bewilderment when I became angry about his remark, as though it were self-evident that, even within a dedicated relationship, one would inevitably engage in sexual relations with others, and that I would simply have to come to terms with it.

His intense jealousy and staunch opposition to any form of cheating were astounding, yet he considered himself exempt from these standards. Unsurprisingly, we broke up. Leaving him felt like breaking free from Stockholm syndrome.

plantprinses −  Open marriages never work if one of the spouses isn’t on board because if that’s the case ‘spicing things up’ is just a way of saying ‘I want to sleep around without any consequences’.

It’s also common that even when both partners are willing to give it a shot, one may find more success than the other, which can lead to bitterness down the road. Additionally, there’s always a chance that genuine feelings may develop with someone outside the marriage.

What your relatives and close friends think is irrelevant. Have they been informed by their significant other that they wish to start seeing other people? Are they aware of the emotional impact of such a statement? You acted correctly. You will, ideally, have to face yourself for a considerable amount of time, so don’t do anything that will lead to unhappiness.

PettyPapaya −  It’s fake. Learn to recognise the pattern of writing. It’s the only way we will be able to stop the AI

Perfect_Ring3489 −  Nta. He wants an excuse to cheat. I dont share so it would be a deal breaker. Easy for other pple to have an opinion when its not them.

Nefroti −  NTA. I expect an update from OP that he was cheating already. Anyone who is telling you to give open marriage a shot or compromise are not right in the head.

As someone completely committed to monogamy, I would have terminated the relationship the moment a woman brought up the idea of an open arrangement. You acted correctly, OP; ignore those criticizing you as irrational.

Was it a good choice for the woman to divorce, or should she have sought common ground with her husband? What would you do if you and your partner had such different core beliefs? Write your opinions in the comments!