My wife [28F] found out that my mother [59F] and I [28M] have been lying to her about our baby [0M] for months

A 28-year-old husband reveals how he and his 59-year-old mother attempted to support his 28-year-old wife, a medical resident with a demanding schedule, in feeling more involved in their child’s upbringing by fabricating missed developmental milestones. This deception ultimately destroyed his wife’s confidence and left her heartbroken after the truth was revealed. The complete account is detailed below.

‘ My wife [28F] found out that my mother [59F] and I [28M] have been lying to her about our baby [0M] for months’

We had our son, who is currently 11 months old, during my wife’s residency. She stopped working a few weeks before the delivery and returned a couple of months later. I reduced my working hours to part-time so I could be a stay-at-home dad and take care of our son.

Soon after the baby was born, my mother came to live with us to provide support. This arrangement allows me to work a few hours each day and prevents me from being overwhelmed by childcare and household duties.

He is rather traditional and would likely disapprove of our current situation where I am a stay-at-home father, but she hasn’t voiced any concerns to either of us and has been very supportive. For those who don’t know, medical residency is extremely difficult. My wife has a little over a year remaining.

She occasionally visits for a few days, and lately, our son is often asleep the entire time she is here, especially now that he sleeps through the night. My mom and I prioritize my wife getting to spend quality time with him when she’s here and he’s awake.

I realize this is difficult for her, but sadly, this situation will persist for another year. The first significant event she didn’t witness was him turning over. Upon her return, my mother eagerly brought her to the baby. I anticipated she would reveal the news, but instead, she exclaimed, “Julie, your timing is perfect!”

He had been squirming like he was about to flip over! They cheered him on, and as if on command, he did. My wife was overjoyed. She had been so anxious and remorseful about her absence, and she interpreted it as confirmation that she could still be an involved mother despite her job.

We kept going. I text about insignificant things she’s not around for during the day to maintain credibility, yet my wife has been there for every important moment. By chance, he began crawling when she was there, spoke his first words with her present, and started to stand up, move around while holding onto things, and walk when she was at home.

The mobile one presented a challenge; there was a particularly arduous week when she was consistently absent from home during his waking hours, and his walking ability progressed from unsteady steps to a few confident strides within that period.

We added some small weights to a pocket in his pants to make him seem unsteady and off-kilter. Because he stumbled right after taking a step, just like he had the previous week, it appeared realistic. I admit it was a cruel thing to do to our child, but my wife’s reaction was priceless.

Today everything fell apart. Until now, his vocabulary was limited to ‘mama’, ‘dada’, and ‘nana’. He began to utter ‘bye-bye’ yesterday. My wife is not working today and has been at home since this morning. My mother and I have spent the entire day attempting to coax him into saying bye, being careful not to reveal that we are aware of his new word.

We managed to get him to wave goodbye to the ducks in the park, and we were both thrilled about his latest word all the way back. My wife used my phone to snap some photos of him and started showing my mom when we got home, also telling her about his new vocabulary addition.

She was browsing my photos when she came across a video from the previous day and exclaimed, “Oh, you didn’t send me this!” It felt like watching a scene unfold in slow motion right before my eyes. I had recorded a video of him waving goodbye the day before.

My wife isn’t an i**ot. She figured the whole ruse out pretty much instantly. I’ve never seen her look so upset and heartbroken before. I couldn’t say or do anything to comfort her. Now she’s locked herself in the bathroom crying and won’t come out. I’m on our bed hoping someone can please tell me what to do to make this better.. ​

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

antioxidantal −  Oh god the title read as if you and your mom had a baby together and I was like dying so this didn’t seem as bad after thinking that

NesYo35 −  OH MAN, this is a very different story from the one the title suggested it would be! Your intentions here are very, very kind, but lying to protect your wife’s feelings is still lying.

It seems your wife may be experiencing guilt or mixed feelings about her limited availability to be with your baby, and acting as if she’s present for all his milestones won’t truly assist her in processing those emotions.

You have to be upfront with her, allowing her to experience her emotions freely. Simultaneously, she should recognize that numerous working parents share her disappointment and eventually accept it.

leocadia −  This is a difficult situation. Right now, my suggestion would be to give your wife space. She needs to process this. It’s hard, but the fact is that you can’t do anything to fix what she’s feeling.

Her feelings are extremely intense, stemming both from just becoming a mother and from strain and anxiety. She needs to navigate these feelings on her own timeline until she’s open to support—and honestly, she may not desire your assistance specifically.

Although I can appreciate your motivations and the affection and empathy that drove your actions, the elaborate and scheming nature of your deceit with your mother is undeniable. That’s the core issue. And your wife, regardless of whether she recognizes the loving intent behind your decisions, has suffered as a result of your lack of transparency.

She has suffered an injustice. At this moment, it is crucial that you avoid attempting to remedy or eliminate that emotion. Suppressing it will prevent you from establishing a base for recovery from this challenging and disheartening experience. Allow your wife to determine when she is prepared to communicate and receive support, as well as the nature of that assistance. Provide her with that freedom.

OgusLaplop −  Stop lying and start recording or live streaming these things to her.

[Reddit User] −  Oof, your heart was in the right place, but I completely understand why she feels betrayed. She is probably just as angry as herself as she is upset with you. I can’t imagine how tough it would be for a new mom to be away from her infant so much,

She likely feels incredibly guilty, even though she’s in residency for the benefit of your family. I suggest giving her some space for now and, when you do speak with her, assure her that you will be open and honest with her in the future.

NaviMinx −  Doesn’t matter what your intentions were. Even tho they were good, you still lied.. Multiple times.. For months. And you probably would’ve continued to lie if she hadn’t found out I’m guessing?. Stop.. Lying.

BLsofnei −  You are an awesome husband. Honestly. I don’t think this is about the movie clip at all. It is just that she feels guilt about being away so much. And seeing this on the phone made her questioning and doubting her motherhood, and probably made her realise the reality. But it is just what I am guessing here.

avocado__dip −  Oh gosh, you all sound like you’re trying to do the best you can. I think it’s sweet that you and your mother are trying hard to make your wife feel less bad about being so busy with work. Lying is not black and white, you all have good intentions.

twelvedayslate −  Man, OP. I can sympathize with why you lied – you don’t want your wife, the mother, to feel horrible about missing a milestone. But gosh… if I were her, I’d be devastated and angry and hurt.

You meant well, but you weren’t truthful. For a long time. That trust is gone and it will be hard to regain. I would say sorry and ask her how you can make amends.

hopingtothrive −  Why on earth would you lie to your wife? A baby learns a new skill on their own timeline. No one would need to see every big moment especially if your child was in daycare. Your wife has a right to be pissed at you and your mother.

It’s astonishing that you’d be dishonest with your spouse over such a trivial matter and involve your mother in the deception. You’ve inflicted considerable distress on your wife, who is already burdened by work and feels bad about not being with her child. Regaining her trust will be a lengthy process. A very lengthy one.

Navigating the line between empathy and truthfulness in relationships can be difficult, particularly when dealing with the extraordinary stresses of a medical residency. Was the husband’s motivation justifiable, or does the act of lying negate the good intention? What steps would you take to restore confidence in the relationship given these circumstances? Let us know what you think.

For those who want to read the next part: https://aita.pics/BJjgy