AITA: My sister is having my dad’s side piece in her wedding and I told her thats wrong?’

A woman is very unhappy that her sister intends to have “Emily” — her father’s long-term mistress, who also has a child with him — as the matron of honor at her wedding. The father’s affair caused suffering to their family, especially their mother, and the writer is concerned about the discomfort and strain Emily’s attendance will cause.

Regardless of their objections, her sister insists on Emily’s presence, viewing her as a “second mother.”

‘ AITA: My sister is having my dad’s side piece in her wedding and I told her thats wrong?’

I’ll attempt to make this brief, but the gist is that “Emily,” a long-time “family friend” who is actually the woman my father has a child with and has been unfaithful to my mother with for the past 15 years, will be the matron of honor at my sister’s wedding next autumn.

Back in 2009, our family got to know Emily because she and my mother were expecting. She’s roughly a decade younger than my parents. Throughout my childhood, I harbored resentment towards her because I suspected something was amiss in her close relationship with my father.

My father traveled to California on several occasions when I was working there some years ago, but only to see Emily, who resided approximately seven hours from my location. Despite being in the area on my birthday one year, Emily prevented him from visiting me, citing pre-existing “plans” for his trip.

This infuriated my mom and devastated me. I eventually spoke with my mom a couple of years back, and she admitted that while she initially agreed to the open marriage, she soon regretted it and asked Emily and my dad to end it. They ignored her and openly disrespected her wishes.

After a period of estrangement from our family, my mother was suddenly reintegrated into our lives by my father, who subsequently sent her and our mom on a cruise together. A year later, he impregnated her. I suspect my mom avoids confrontation to maintain harmony for my younger sisters still residing at home.

They started dating in high school, and as children, we were aware of their deep affection for one another. Therefore, I struggle to understand how my father can reconcile his actions towards her. When I inquired about why she endures it, she simply stated that she has become desensitized to the suffering.

That marked the initial instance of witnessing my mother’s tears. The entirety of my kin are aware of my father’s actions and harbor intense animosity towards Emily, yet my sister remains unconcerned about her presence, even within the bridal procession.

OkUnderstanding80 My mother and I spoke with my sister, making it clear that although we’re thrilled to celebrate her wedding and offer our support, she’s being unrealistic if she believes everything will be smooth sailing. Her response was essentially, “Well, Mom was initially fine with it, so I don’t understand what Emily and Dad are doing wrong.”

I obviously had to then explain the idea of consent to her. She still refers to Emily as “mom #2”. My parents remain married, and Emily is still married to her husband. My older sister can’t seem to understand that Emily didn’t distance herself from my family when my mother initially told her to stop having relations with her husband.

It’s not just her; my father is also to blame, and I had to distance myself from him because of it. My sister bringing Emily back into the fold will cause a lot of pain for many of us. Am I wrong for trying to show her how inappropriate this is?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

corgihuntress −  Honestly I’m surprised your mom is staying with your dad. I’m surprised your sister is so callous. I’m surprised your mom is going to attend. I’m surprised you will. You certainly aren’t the a**hole, but your dad, Emily, and your sister is, but mostly your dad and emily. I cannot believe she asked her to be the maid of honor. Wow. NTA

JTBlakeinNYC −  NTA. I feel for your mother, but I can’t see a way to solve this. You can only persuade someone to cease hurtful behavior on the grounds of the pain they are inflicting upon others if the person in question has a conscience, which neither your sister nor father seem to possess.

Mouthy_Dumptruck −  Nta.. Your sister has chosen Emily. She probably perceives your mother behavior as weakness and cowardly. She’s also been raised by your s**tty father, so she’s unfortunately going to share some of his perspective. She’s trying to hurt your mother for being so weak.

She has made her choice; it’s time for everyone to accept it. Attending the wedding is not advisable. Your mother’s happiness will be compromised, and you’ll find yourself attempting to manage unmanageable situations. Instead, consider taking a vacation during the wedding and pursuing a divorce for your mother.

Grump_NP −  NTA. I actually agree with not shunning someone because they did something like cheating. People are more than the worst thing they have done. But…. Your sister having her as her matron of honor in her wedding is too much. That’s a slap in the face to your mother and way out of line.

Do you truly wish to begin your married life by featuring someone who committed such an act in a prominent role at your wedding? It doesn’t foreshadow a successful marriage for your sister. If your sister considered this acceptable, she likely won’t heed your advice. It’s impossible to use logic with someone who believes this is acceptable.

ComprehensiveSet927 −  If your mother doesn’t want to be around Emily, why did she go on a cruise with her?

Ducky818 −  You’ve told your sister how you feel and that you believe it is wrong. Now you have to let her decide. You’ve done your part. It is your choice to attend or not but not about whom your sister gets to include in her wedding.

Spiritual-Concert363 −  Why are you and your mother going to the wedding? I just would say dear, it’s your day invite who you like. Unfortunately I can not abide attending with her there. God Bless I love you. Then you and your mother be together that day.

Do neither of you possess any fortitude? It’s no surprise Emily and your dad are successful in these endeavors. There aren’t any repercussions. Develop some courage. Cease complaining regarding the matter.

Left_Pear4817 −  What in the land of all that is holy. Your sister is literally mad 🫠 I hope it kicks off at the wedding and your entire family whoop Emily and your Dads ass back to the stone age

Moon-Queen95 −  I really don’t understand why tf they haven’t gotten divorced. He’s clearly in love with someone else. I’m also confused about how much Emily has been allowed in the lives of these kids. And this whole timeline is confusing. If sister calls her mom #2, it seems like she’s been pretty heavily involved in her life.

It’s the responsibility of the grown-ups to act like grown-ups. If they allowed a young one (sibling) to develop a close bond, they can’t be upset that the affection persists. However, the timing of these events is confusing.

Fifteen years prior, while expecting, the two women made acquaintance, then at a certain moment their marriage became “open”. Subsequently, the mother altered her decision and severed ties with Emily, however, the father revived the bond with Emily. Later, Emily and the mother embarked on a cruise, resulting in Emily’s pregnancy by the father. The absence of age information further complicates the comprehension.

Consistent-Ad3191 −  I would cut ties with your father, his mistress and anybody else that enables it it’s very disrespectful for your sister to do that to your mother, and I wouldn’t even attend the wedding and neither should your mother. I don’t care who feelings are hurt. They’re not worried about her feelings, your mother.

Is her worry valid, or should she defer to her sister’s desires? Let us know what you think!