I (27F) found out that my husband (28M) has been hiding a female coworker for over 6 months.

A woman on Reddit recounted how she found out her husband had been keeping a female colleague a secret from her for more than half a year. Although both parties maintain their connection is strictly friendship-based, the husband’s secretive behavior and erased messages have caused her to doubt the integrity of their marital bond. The complete account is available below.

‘ I (27F) found out that my husband (28M) has been hiding a female coworker for over 6 months. ‘

This is a bit of a lengthy explanation, but I am really disoriented and uncertain. I am 27, and my husband is 28. We will be celebrating our second anniversary soon, but I have been acquainted with him for 11 years. Our relationship has consistently had some turbulence, but it appeared to intensify after I became pregnant and gave birth to our son (who is currently 1 year old).

My spouse, a mechanic, has been employed at his current position for approximately a year. Now comes the drawn-out part, haha. Our one-year-old child discovered and sampled my husband’s eye drops. Because I was uncertain whether the eye drops had entered or been ingested, I panicked and contacted poison control right away.

Following our conversation, I sent a message to my husband indicating that I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack, but I was afraid to confide in him about the reason (I was afraid he would be angry with me because our toddler had gotten ahold of the eye drops). My husband quickly responded with a text stating, “I am not being unfaithful to you. She is simply a colleague who provides me with marijuana.”

I’m understandably puzzled, trying to figure out what he’s admitting. I push him for more details, and the whole story comes out. He tells me he’s become friendly with a female colleague who provides him with marijuana, and in return, he occasionally treats her to snacks or lunch.

He claims their text exchanges are limited to cannabis or professional matters. However, he admitted to deleting all their texts for the past six months, while also asserting he’s not concealing anything. This raises my suspicion, as deleting texts seems unnecessary if there’s nothing to keep secret.

He kept reassuring me during our conversation that she was merely a platonic friend, someone he had no romantic or physical interest in. However, he then admitted that the reason he hadn’t mentioned her before was because he anticipated I would feel threatened, considering her attractiveness and the fact that she fits his preferred type. He explained that their friendship had gradually developed over the preceding months and that she is aware of my existence and our child.

He insisted he wasn’t being unfaithful, yet he admitted he was wrong to conceal her existence and their messages for more than half a year. He repeatedly suggested I contact her to hear her perspective. Initially, I refused outright, but the idea has been constantly on my mind ever since.

I did reach out to her to see if she still had any of their conversations saved as screenshots that she could send me. She responded with a phone call, explaining that she had also removed all correspondence with my husband, as she regularly clears her phone of messages to keep it tidy. She assured me that there was no reason for concern.

So I guess I’m just wondering, do you think both of them are lying about nothing going on? Does this count as emotional cheating? I’m just feeling so confused, hurt, and stupid.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Unlucky-Mulberry-999 −  the fact that you feel scared about his reaction to the eyedrops thing 🚩 the fact that he hid the texts/ship for half a year on its own – just not being honest 🚩 the fact that he might absolutely be cheating emotionally if not more 🚩

listenyall −  I mean, anytime you tell your partner that you are freaking out without specifying and they IMMEDIATELY believe it’s a specific thing that they are doing, that is pretty sus (unless you have a history of freaking out about his female coworkers I guess).

aishian_rawr −  Sounds like they collaborated their stories beforehand for whenever you find out. Both of them deleting texts? Right. Not to mention the whole hiding for 6 months thing. Yeah, no.

Ok-Preparation-2307 −  So I did text her and asked if she had any screenshots of their texts she could share with me. She called me and said that she also has deleted all of the messages with my husband because she doesn’t like clutter in her phone and frequently deletes messages. She said I have nothing to worry about.

How very opportune for him. In my opinion, this is absolute confirmation. They certainly coordinated their accounts. While our relationship has been somewhat unstable, it appeared to deteriorate noticeably after my pregnancy and the birth of our son, who is now one year old.

Only married for two years, with a one-year-old child, and a history of relationship problems? The fact that you didn’t mention the total duration of your relationship suggests that you probably became pregnant and married after a very short dating period. It’s almost certain that he’s involved in at least an emotional affair, if not a physical one. You have every reason to be concerned.

wipbaby −  Yeah, you need to see those messages. If he has an iPhone, you can recover deleted texts. Be relentless in demanding he find a way to provide them. Him immediately going to that specific scenario is such a red flag. 🚩

DifferentManagement1 −  He’s lying. Period. He IS cheating. And yes she is also lying. They collaborated.

AnythingButOlives −  Unless they delete EVERY single text they receive from anyone, it’s b**lshit. You know it. We know it. Even your cheating husband and the homewrecker know it.

655e228th −  Nobody deletes texts for spec. Your storage is almost infinite. And coincidentally they both did? Couple of liars

bathoryblue −  Ma’am he just told all over himself, you best listen. No messages to prove it’s innocent? Then it isn’t, and he can’t prove otherwise.

SaBahRub −  They deleted all the evidence. You know why

Concealing a friendship and erasing messages: does this constitute emotional infidelity, or is it just a lapse in good decision-making? What steps would you take to restore confidence in a relationship after something like this? Let’s discuss your opinions!