AITA for refusing to go to all family gatherings, starting from today?

A Reddit user recounts feeling alienated and let down during family get-togethers with her cousins, who frequently leave her out of activities and discussions.

After enduring years of being overlooked, she opted to miss the latest event, prompting her mother to label her as “selfish” and assert that her absence saddened her grandmother. The user is now questioning whether her choice to abstain from these get-togethers was unjust to her family.

‘ AITA for refusing to go to all family gatherings, starting from today?’

I (18F) am currently the youngest member of my immediate family. My family traditionally meets at my grandmother’s home for gatherings, typically occurring once or twice annually, contingent on various factors. Naturally, I have been present at each of these events, except for instances when I was unwell.

They, along with my older sister, consistently engaged in board games or discussions, but I was deliberately left out. Each time I requested to participate, their response was the same: “We’ve already begun.”

You could participate in the subsequent match. However, when that moment arrived, my relatives would simply stand up and abandon me to the game. Similar circumstances occurred during discussions. Frequently, I would be relegated to a corner, or, if permitted, I would use my mother’s device to either play a game or watch videos.

As you can imagine, the reunions were tedious. The only upside was the food, because Grandma’s cooking was always great. That strained my relationships with my cousins and aunts/uncles, but what really did it was my first party when I turned 8.

Having few companions, I extended invitations to my relatives. Predictably, I was overlooked by all those present. The situation escalated to the point where I sought refuge in my parents’ room, shutting myself away. Now, my mother has requested my presence at this year’s family get-together.

I declined, explaining that my cousins and I have never gotten along and that I didn’t want to be excluded ONCE MORE. She seemed a little upset, but she didn’t push the issue. However, when she got back a few hours ago, she began screaming at me, calling me “s**fish” for not wanting to go to the event.

She claimed she “protected me,” using that exact phrase, by informing everyone of my supposed illness. Furthermore, she even stated that I had let down my grandmother and that I was indifferent to her well-being. (That’s false. I love her dearly, but I can no longer tolerate my cousins, either physically or emotionally.). It’s been bothering me, so am I the asshole?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Tarik861 −  NTA, but your mom is. The quickest way to find a bomb is to blow it up. That may not be the safest, and there may be collateral damage, but it is definitely the quickest. So pick up your phone and send out a group text to everyone there.

Explain the reasons for your past and future absences. Be specific and name those involved. Then, inform your mother that you will not participate; if she had genuinely cared and acted as a parent to shield you from their bullying, she might have a reason to ask, but she didn’t.

Publicly denounce her falsehood regarding your alleged illness. Disclose those specifics and disseminate them widely. Subsequently, refrain from dwelling on the matter. Visit Grandma when you choose and dedicate time to her privately.

cherchezlafemmed −  Next time there is a gathering, go see your Grandma the day before and help her with the shopping/cooking so you can spend time with her then avoid the actual gathering. Life is too short to spend time with assholes. I’m sorry your Mom isn’t (has never been) your champion on this b**lying by your n**ty cousins.

SushiGuacDNA −  NTA. Why should you spend time with people who are consistently mean to you? Anyone who insists that you do is an a**hole. (I mean, rules for children are different, but you are an adult now.)

I’m particularly annoyed with your mother. Dishonesty is a terrible trait. You didn’t prompt her to be untruthful; she chose that path on her own. What makes her believe that deceit is the answer? And then she blames you for neglecting your grandmother? I suspect something strange is happening with your mom.

Ok_Conversation9750 −  NTA and I am so angry at your mom on your behalf! I had a similar situation with my cousin when I was a kid.  She was a relentless b**ly and all adults ignored her behavior and basically forced me to spend time being tormented by her.

[username] When I became a teenager, I completely refused to live in the same house as her and I made it clear to everyone. I had no problem with anyone else and would gladly attend any events if that awful cousin wasn’t there.

Tinkerpro −  So go visit your grandma on days when cousinss aren’t there. Always be sick for family events. Tell your mother to not lie to her family she should tell the truth: You are AH to my kid, she doesn’t want to be in the same room with you. Your mom, by the way is in the AH group for not stopping this.

The_Spoops −  NTA, but… My grandma died a few years ago, and I very much wish I would have made it to her gatherings more often.
Don’t let the bad relationships damage the good ones.

ArreniaQ −  Go spend time with your grandmother, do not disappoint her. I’m old and will say that the day will come when you will wish you could see her. This should be about her, not your cousins.

MerlinBiggs −  NTA. Why be around people who treat you like that. Instead of complaining your mum should try find out what is behind it.

justtired2022 −  NTA, your cousin sound horrible. But sounds like your grandma is pretty nice. My suggestion is call grandma and say “hey I wanna hang out with you, can I come over for dinner?”And just go hang out with your grandma.

It’s possible you’ll discover she’s really interesting. Inquire about her initial vehicle, and what kind of music she enjoyed back then. It would shock you to learn that grandma had a full life prior to becoming your mother.

yhaensch −  INFO – How much older than you are your cousins? I am wondering how much was was just the natural age gap behavior and how much AH behavior by your cousins and their parents who didn’t tell them to behave.

And to your mom for not defending you. But hey, you’re an adult now. No one expects you to hang out with your cousins. It’s just a visit to your grandma’s.

Is it understandable for the Redditor to skip a get-together where she consistently feels excluded, or should she continue going to satisfy her family? What course of action would you take if you were in her situation? Post your thoughts in the comments!