AITA for disinviting my siblings from my wedding

A woman on Reddit experienced a painful family rift when she learned the man who raised her was not her biological father. Although she remained devoted to him, her siblings chose to connect with their biological father, relegating the man they had always known as “Dad” to the status of “stepdad.”

When her brothers and sisters attempted to pressure her into following their life choices, she excluded them from her wedding plans. This resulted in accusations that she was the one harming their relationships as siblings. She is now second-guessing her decision to not have them present at her wedding. The original story is available for readers to view below.

‘ AITA for disinviting my siblings from my wedding’

Here’s the situation: I’m 25 (F), my sister is 27 (F), and my brother is 28 (M). The three of us grew up together, and up until 2019, we were under the impression that we were a typical biological family. That’s when we discovered that the man who raised us wasn’t our biological father, a fact he was also unaware of. Further investigation revealed that while my older siblings shared a biological father, mine was different.

Their biography and mine indicated that we shared a familial connection as first cousins due to our fathers being siblings. My father abandoned our mother, feeling wounded, deceived, and utterly repulsed by her two-decade-long deception. I shared his anger towards her dishonesty and the pain it inflicted upon him. While my siblings were more hesitant to sever ties, their relationship with her became significantly strained.

My father came to live with my then-boyfriend, now fiancé, just as the Covid pandemic began. It was a mutual decision that he would always be family, no matter the circumstances. I was sincere in that belief; they were not.

The children located their biological father, who is also my own, and have chosen to regard him as their “true dad,” relegating our father to the role of stepfather. My brother has even gone so far as to correct his two young daughters when they referred to our dad as grandpa, instructing them to call him stepgrandpa instead, while the biological father is addressed as grandpa.

It devastated my father, and he concluded that he couldn’t tolerate it any longer. This occurred after conversations in which he was essentially ordered to remain subordinate, stick to his assigned duties, and was demoted with the explicit understanding that the situation would not improve. I am incredibly angry with them. They have been pressuring me to connect with my “biological father” and have suggested that it is acceptable to retract our previous agreement.

They were originally on the guest list for my wedding, but due to the current situation, I’ve rescinded the invitation and made it clear they are not to attend. They argued that their connection with their “biological father” shouldn’t affect our relationship. I countered that it does.

If the man who raised us isn’t our biological father after all he’s done, then we’re not “true siblings” because we’re technically half-siblings and cousins. He is still my father completely, and genetics mean nothing to me. It was better for them not to attend because I don’t want them there anymore.

My words caused them pain. My sister-in-law (who is married to my brother) said I was being an awful person for bringing up past issues and excluding them from my wedding as if we didn’t grow up together. What bothers me even more is that this is about our father, who they treat as if he’s disposable and worthless. Am I the bad guy?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

RefillSunset −  NTA. Your dad is lucky to have a daughter like you. Congrats on the wedding.

Vivid-Rent7730 −  “My SIL (married to my brother) told me I was an a**hole for throwing half in their faces and cutting them from my wedding like we haven’t been siblings our whole lives“ But didn’t your dad raise them their whole lives? And they’ve just dismissed everything he’s done because your mum lied. Essentially it’s your wedding you can invite & disinvite who you want. NTA.

TamaraYC −  NTA. You picked Team Dad, they picked Team Sperm Donor. It’s as simple as that.

PattersonsOlady −  You used their exact reason against them and it hurt them … and still it didn’t click with them ! Outrageous that 20+ years of sacrifices and love can be thrown away, and the love given to a guy who didn’t do anything except f**k a married woman.. NTA

RighteousVengeance −  Well, the only person who’s calling you an AH is your half-SIL/cousin, and she’s hardly objective. NTA. And their hypocrisy is outrageous. You’re still their sister because you were raised together. But the man who raised you for two decades under the impression that he’s your father ***isn’t*** their father? Do they not even see how inconsistent and unfair they’re being? I’m guessing their magnanimous attitude toward their mother is due to the fact that they favor her over your dad.

DeltaIndigoEco −  NTA. It’s your wedding and you can do what you please. If you don’t want them there that’s reasonable. The man that is there for you and raised should not be demoted for something out of his control.

It’s understandable for them to seek contact with their biological father, and it’s also reasonable for them to desire an ongoing relationship with their mother. However, it’s unacceptable to treat the man who raised them with such disrespect. Furthermore, does a divorce between your mother and father negate the relationship with your step-grandfather? That’s absurd. If your half-siblings are offended by being referred to as such, then they should comprehend why your father is upset by being called stepfather.

DrKrash38 −  NTA. That stepgrandpa business is real low. Shame on them.

Elegant_righthere −  NTA. My REAL dad is the man who raised me from 3 years old, the man who was there for every bump and bruise, every sad and happy occasion in my life. I haven’t seen my biological father since I was 5. Not a word.

He is aware of my location, even going so far as to send me a friend request on Facebook, which I accepted with reluctance, yet he has never initiated a conversation or attempted to contact me. My son refers to my “dad” as his grandfather, and that’s perfectly appropriate. My mom and my “dad” divorced when I was 27, and her current husband is my stepfather, who also fills the role of grandpa to my children. The term “stepgrandpa” simply doesn’t exist. Your siblings are awful, they probably take after your mother.

PoissonPen −  NTA. Funny how the siblings are hurt that you don’t see them as “real” siblings anymore when that’s exactly what they’ve done to the father that raised them.

Neko_09 −  NTA I’m glad your dad has you.. he truly doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment, I personally find it quite disturbing..

Was the bride right to exclude her siblings from the wedding to shield her father’s emotions, or was it an excessive measure that damaged familial bonds due to conflicting opinions? What would you do if your siblings showed disrespect to someone you care about? Let us know what you think!