AITA for telling my husband he is either married to me or his co-worker?

A Reddit user shares their frustration about their husband’s overly helpful relationship with a co-worker who seems infatuated with him. After months of increasingly inappropriate behavior from the co-worker, the situation reached a boiling point when she called him at 2 AM for help. The user demanded her husband set boundaries, leading to a heated argument. Read the original story below:

‘ AITA for telling my husband he is either married to me or his co-worker?’

My husband (40m) has been employed as a maintenance supervisor at his current company for the past decade. Approximately one year ago, Tabitha\* was hired to join their accounting team. From the moment she began her employment, she developed a fixation on my (37f) husband, which has since escalated into unprofessional and unsuitable behavior.

When the office heating system broke down, it all began. As a supervisor, my husband is in charge of delegating work to the staff. However, even though he believes they are doing an excellent job, this particular employee is never happy with the results and insists that he personally take care of her office.

She constantly calls him on his work phone for mundane things (carpet is loose in a corner, loose s**ew on her coat hook) and he goes and fixes them without issue.
Last year when we went to the company Christmas party (pre-plague times) she was very flirty with him, constantly grabbed his hand.

Upon our introduction, she merely smirked in my direction, announcing, “Oh, look, it’s Peter,” before seizing his hand and departing. At the table, she nearly displaced me to sit beside him, prompting my husband to insist she move, as it was my place. She stormed off, and later, upon encountering me in the restroom, she rudely brushed past me.

I recounted the incident to my husband, who dismissed it, saying she meant no harm. I countered that her behavior was unacceptable, as she obviously harbored affections for him and behaved possessively. Over the last few weeks, her actions have escalated to an unbelievable degree of impropriety.

She just bought a new home, and my spouse and several colleagues assisted her with the relocation and setup. He shared his direct mobile number with her, and she’s been constantly contacting him via calls and texts, seeking assistance. She frequently reaches out to him for support, phoning and messaging him numerous times daily, at any time.

At 2:00 AM last night, she phoned, complaining that her heating system wasn’t functioning correctly. My husband volunteered to inspect it after his workday. I became upset and insisted that he wouldn’t go, that she was capable of contacting a professional repairman like anyone else, and that he isn’t her private handyman.

I made it obvious to him that she was interested, but he’s too thick to realize it. I explained that although helping out once in a while is appreciated, she constantly contacts him for assistance with tasks she’s capable of handling herself (like moving boxes or furniture) or could hire a professional to take care of.

I informed him that revealing his private phone number was a boundary violation I couldn’t accept. He assured me it was a simple issue to resolve quickly, but I broke down, insisting he choose between me and his actions.

Married or not, I wasn’t about to be sidelined in my own relationship. He claims his intentions are platonic and that my concerns about his desire to support a friend are excessive. My perspective differs… Am I in the wrong?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

MamaFen −  You are NTA. Hubs, on the other hand, is a grade-A dyed-in-the-wool jackhole. ANY man who invalidates his wife’s concerns over behavior THIS blatant is either banging side-chick,

…or he’s at least relishing the spotlight, but unwilling to confess his enjoyment. Regardless, you’re justified in your stance, and if he doesn’t willingly dismiss this woman, you’ll face some choices.

HowardProject −  NTA – Your husband is either incredibly dense or he’s cheating on you and lying.

redheadedravenclaw −  NTA. Either your husband is extremely dense, or he is fully aware and is g**lighting you.. Whichever it is, it isn’t on.

[Reddit User] −  NTA it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have feelings for her, she does for him and by her behavior it’s clear. She was blatantly okay with disrespecting you infront of him at a Christmas party.

She’s likely to ramp things up (which she’s been hinting at) because he’s not establishing any limits with her. Your feelings are justified, and he ought to treat you, his wife, with respect. You’re uneasy with the situation, and that should be the deciding factor; he needs to honor that.

WanderingWedding −  NTA the fact that he went over to her HOUSE and gave her his # AFTER she was rude to you and acting inappropriate says A LOT. It was clearly something you were uncomfortable with and it crossed a line. I think it’s appropriate to put your foot down.

DragonCelica −  NTA and stand firm on this, because I’ve been in your shoes. My husband was far too kind, and far too naive. His ingrained lack of self confidence (I hate his parents for that) made him think there was no way a certain coworker was interested in him.

It gradually intensified over approximately twelve months. One day, I observed something in his work area that triggered a warning signal in my mind. That evening, we had a conversation, and it was not a simple one. He was averse to the notion of addressing her directly, assuming the situation would resolve itself since he did not share her sentiments.

I attempted to convey that the issue persisted for a year, and he didn’t grasp the potential threat I perceived in her. It marked our initial conversation where we both felt unresolved, but the hour was late. Just as I was preparing to sleep, he entered, threw his phone onto the bed, and uttered three words before going to change: “You were right.”

I was so confused. Turns out, part of what I saw at his work that day was leading to her boiling point, and she sent a very long, broken-hearted message to him. There was a lot that concerned me, but one part really hit hard: She would have still loved him if he were hers and his face got burned, or he was handicapped. PEOPLE HAVE DONE THAT TO UNREQUITED LOVES

I refrained from saying “I told you so,” yet I ensured he understood I was available to assist him in navigating the issue from that point on. He scheduled a discussion with his employer and requested my presence. The matter was successfully settled, preventing any further escalation beyond that initial communication. We were fortunate. Feel free to message me privately if you require assistance ❤

HauntofhighAFtower −  gurrrrrrrrrl her heat is not broken, there’s an altogether different reason hubs is going over there.

[Reddit User] −  NTA-But girl, he’s already made his choice. You shouldn’t have to be fighting for your husbands attention with this broad.. Your husband is not dense.
He’s okay with her behavior because he digs it.

He is unmoved by your distress, even to the point of tears, as he is probably just biding his time until you reach your breaking point and leave, clearing the path for him to be with her without any consequences. Your husband lacks courage, and you deserve someone better.

aquasaurex −  NTA. He had better stop going to her place before she decides she is jilted and gets him fired for s**ual harassment (going to her place and “bothering her”)

AnimaLumen −  NTA – flip the roles on him and ask him how he would feel if you had a male coworker who always flirted with you, who shoulder checked him when they were alone in a bathroom, and went out of his way to talk to you all the time.

Ask him to imagine being in that guy’s shoes. After he’s made it obvious he’s interested in you, you give him your private phone number, and he proceeds to constantly text and call you, requesting you visit and prepare meals for him, and assist him with various household tasks usually reserved for a spouse.

How would he react if he approached you with concerns about a man, and instead of acknowledging his emotions, you dismissed them by saying he was exaggerating and that the man was no threat, you were merely assisting a friend? Especially considering your husband is aware that this man harbors feelings for you and consistently oversteps boundaries that make your husband uneasy.

If he remains oblivious to the inappropriateness of this situation, your husband is a complete jerk, and there’s a strong possibility he’s either already unfaithful or cherishes the validation he receives from his “work wife,” prioritizing it above your well-being and emotions.

In that situation, he should leave and become her husband as you suggested. His behavior is certainly not that of a friend; it resembles that of a boyfriend or husband, and I, too, would not tolerate such conduct if I were in your place.

Is the Redditor’s reaction excessive, or is her annoyance understandable? What steps would you take if you found yourself in a comparable scenario with a colleague overstepping personal limits? Respond with your opinions.