AITA for celebrating my anniversary despite what happened at my wedding?

A newlywed couple faced an unimaginable sorrow when a young guest drowned at their wedding celebration. To mark their first anniversary, the couple shared some wedding pictures online. This action ignited anger from the deceased child’s mother and relatives, which resulted in a contentious online argument. Now, the woman is questioning whether it was inappropriate to commemorate their anniversary given the devastating event that occurred.

‘ AITA for celebrating my anniversary despite what happened at my wedding?’

Last year, my spouse and I celebrated our marriage. The lakeside location was quite scenic. Regrettably, during the festivities, a small child wandered off without their parents’ knowledge and chose to take an unauthorized dip in the water, despite lacking the ability to swim. This heartbreaking event brought the day to an abrupt end.

Since then, we haven’t really communicated with the parents because we weren’t particularly close, except for seeing them during holidays, which haven’t occurred this year. However, we are still connected on Facebook. On our first anniversary, I shared a post with some wedding pictures to celebrate. I didn’t expect any reaction, but then the comments started pouring in. I woke up to find 30 comments and 15 missed calls. The most prominent comment was from the child’s mother, who was extremely angry about it.

She left an extremely lengthy comment, saying my post showed a lack of respect for the day’s unfortunate events. She expressed outrage at my audacity for posting without acknowledging her child (or consulting her beforehand). After 30 responses, it became apparent that her whole family had chosen sides in a conflict that I was not aware I had started. Now, there are 150 comments. My friends and parents have also jumped in.

A significant portion of his relatives are pressuring me to remove the post, express regret to the parents involved, and demonstrate greater consideration, perhaps by observing our anniversary on an alternative date. Certain family members believe we should maintain the right to commemorate our anniversary on the specific day, but advise restricting it to private settings to “avoid conflict.” I maintain that my post was not inappropriate, and I believe we are entitled to celebrate our anniversary as anyone else would. My intention is to honor my marriage, not to commemorate a tragedy. Am I in the wrong?

Check out how the community responded:

superfastmomma −  ESH but for crying out loud, take the post down. On one hand is a family with a dead child facing the one year anniversary of their loss. Unimaginable pain. On the other hand is your need to have people comment on how pretty your wedding was and tell you happy anniversary. Their pain far outweighs your needs for likes.

Why you didn’t restrict the bereaved family from accessing your content is incomprehensible to me. The instant you realized it was inflicting distress, you should have taken it down. Naturally, you’re entitled to commemorate your anniversary as you wish, but not where it’s conspicuous to those grieving the loss of their child. Demonstrate some empathy.

cdifl −  YTA. Something awful happened at your wedding. It wasn’t your fault, but it’s something that you have to deal with. I’m very sorry that you will never be able to have a normal anniversary, but that’s a small burden compared to having to deal with the loss of a child.

People suggesting private celebrations are spot on. Avoid celebratory displays in places where bereaved parents might see them. Anniversaries existed long before Facebook, so you can manage without publicly broadcasting your affection to your friends.

Acceptable_Letter331 −  You became the AH the moment all hell broke loose on your post and you didn’t have the decency to delete it completely.

Ragingredblue −  YTA. You’re not an a**hole for celebrating your marriage, you’re an a**hole for celebrating your *wedding*. You just posted photos of an event where a child drowned, and you can’t fathom how insensitive that is, or that the event is a horrible memory for everyone else?!?

Given that we weren’t particularly intimate with the in-laws and only saw them for holidays, we haven’t connected since the incident, especially as the holidays didn’t occur this year. Consequently, you dismissed the situation and proceeded forward, yet you’re puzzled that the child’s parents haven’t done the same? And you haven’t even tried to communicate with them in the time since?!? I sincerely wish you don’t have kids, as your capacity for basic human compassion appears to be missing.

BitterIrony1891 −  After seeing the edit…wow, everyone even peripherally attached to this situation is determined to be the biggest a**hole they possibly can about it, huh? I thought you were heartless and inconsiderate to have made the Facebook post, but that email suggests you are one of the less-assholish people in your social circle. (“Living in sin”? They can sit on a cactus!!)

I don’t want to come across as glib, but it’s obvious that EVERY person who attended your wedding hasn’t dealt with the trauma they experienced (whether they were directly involved or not) in a constructive manner. You all need counseling. Less working through things as a group, because it seems like your entire family thrives on drama and encourages each other’s poor decisions, and more working through things with qualified experts.

I’m so sorry your wedding was destroyed. I feel for the family grieving the loss of their child. My heart goes out to everyone who witnessed and was affected by such a devastating occurrence. I’m sorry your in-laws are worsening an already terrible situation. What an unfortunate disaster.

Texasworld −  Oh god. That’s such a horrible tragedy. NAH. Could the mother have handled that better and not made a public scene on Facebook? Absolutely, but grief makes people act in certain ways. You also probably could have had the foresight to block her on that particular post. At the end of the day, you’re allowed to celebrate your marriage and she’s allowed to grieve her child.

Quellman −  NTA – but maybe insensitive. I went between all three of the choices thoroughly until I arrived at this conclusion. This is such a raw event. A happy occasion that is marred by the unfortunate passing of a child. You have every right to celebrate your wedding. But not all anniversaries are happy. The first year following a loss is difficult, especially that single day. That said, people still have joyous occasions on tragic days. Celebrating on a different day? Those people are AH.

The child’s parents are somewhat at fault. It’s their responsibility, not yours, to keep the memory of their child alive in your posts. In the future, I suggest you configure your anniversary posts to exclude that family. I can only imagine the horrific emotions they must be experiencing as a result of losing a child in what appears to be a careless manner.

HowardProject −  NAH – This tragedy is absolutely heartbreaking, and of course it must have been painful for the parents to have seen that reminder of the day… What would have been kinder would have been for someone closer to them to gently remind them that they might wish to block your posts for a few weeks surrounding the anniversary. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t think it’s reasonable of them to expect to control your social media.

It’s really hard for me to label a grieving parent as an a**hole for their reaction in this case. It might be best if you shared your anniversary posts with a smaller group and kept them from being seen by the immediate family of the deceased child.

redit-rachel −  I’m confused. Was the child a family member? The husband’s mother sending that email with 3/4 of the family on it and offering to pay for a second wedding makes me think this child was a family member and not simply the child of parents who OP says they weren’t close with.

This whole “living in sin” idea is unsettling. The original poster and her spouse are already bound by both legal and religious marriage, despite the unfortunate incident. Having another ceremony would just be for appearances, and the guests would all be aware that the sole purpose of their attendance is because of the death of a child at the initial wedding. It wouldn’t be a joyous occasion.