AITA for rejecting the role of “cool aunt” because it was really more like unpaid babysitter?

A person on Reddit recounts feeling like an outsider in their own family because of differing passions and principles. After relocating closer to their hometown, their sister enthusiastically started organizing events—not to rebuild their relationship but for the user to look after her children so she could unwind. Offended by the presumption and the absence of any attempt to connect, the user refused, which triggered a family argument about whether they were being unfair. Were they right to enforce limits, or did they overreact? The complete account is available below.

‘ AITA for rejecting the role of “cool aunt” because it was really more like unpaid babysitter?’

My sibling and I have never been alike. During our childhood, she embodied the nerdy/geeky archetype, with a strong passion for science fiction, fantasy, video games, and similar interests. She developed a close connection with my parents through these shared hobbies, as they had similar inclinations. I consistently felt like an outsider due to my lack of geeky interests. Although I tried to assimilate by engaging with things like Star Wars and Harry Potter, I eagerly seized the chance to move away for college. I chose to attend FIT and pursue a fashion design degree.

I have always enjoyed creating garments. For instance, I crafted my formal gown using a design I developed myself, and my relatives offered praise. My sibling assembled a wizarding world-themed outfit, and the photograph is prominently displayed. My sibling became a parent some time ago. I delivered considerate presents, like a bed covering intended for future generations. My sibling expressed their gratitude, but I learned that the bed covering is not in use, as the space is devoted to a wizarding world theme.

Because of the pandemic, I relocated to a condo near my family that I had been leasing (the renters were not forced out). When my sister learned of this, she was overjoyed and began formulating numerous ideas. I was ecstatic because I assumed she desired to increase our time together.

Author: User

The arrangements were structured around me taking the children to various places like the zoo, park, ice cream parlor, and aquarium. This was to allow my sister to have personal time for relaxation and activities like playing video games. When I asked about the possibility of us spending time together, she responded with, “We don’t really share any common interests for activities.”

I felt genuinely wounded by this and refused her requests to essentially look after her children. She questioned my decision, asking if I didn’t aspire to be the fun aunt, which is where I believe I might be the problem. I responded, “I’m not sure; it’s not as if I share any interests with them that we could enjoy together. It seems like you’re looking for a free babysitter.”

She was taken aback and marched off to complain to our parents, who instantly sided with her, telling me I ought to be grateful for the chance to be with the children. I questioned why, as no one in the family had ever bothered to spend quality time with me doing something I liked. She retorted that if I had put in more effort to fit in with the family, instead of “obsessing over popularity and manicures,” I might have more shared interests with them.

I’m feeling disoriented. A part of me believes I was justified in refusing to babysit for my sister without compensation. However, I’m also wondering if Mom is correct, and my inability to embrace things like Star Wars has made me a terrible family member.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

ExactingRook2822 −  NTA – Never the arsehole. Your sister is an entitled b**t and your parents clearly play favourites. Just because you’re into fashion doesn’t mean you chase popularity, in the same way that being a g**k doesn’t stop you from being a b**t who craves attention from mummy and daddy.

You stood up for yourself and expressed your feelings regarding their treatment of you, and they replied with, “We didn’t bother trying to connect with you because your interests didn’t align with ours.” Your sister isn’t the only one who needs a dose of reality; your parents also need to seriously re-evaluate their behavior.

marbal05 −  NTA- and your family is pretty toxic. Also what your mom said is pretty m**ipulative. She’s gonna blame you for her lack of being a decent parent? Yeah no. You don’t owe anyone free babysitting. Especially the way your sister talked to you.

5115E −  NTA Your sister never had any interest in you before and now she wants to take advantage of you. She told me that if I’d tried harder to be more like there rest of them. The answer to your mom is that if she had tried harder to appreciate the differences between her daughters, there would probably have been a different outcome. Don’t fight with these people. You’re successful with like-minded people, leave them to their alternate universe.

jhercules −  NTA. Your sister does want an unpaid babysitter. My sister is the same way. She and your parents are g**lighting you into agreeing.

SeethingHeathen −  NTA. Your family is ridiculous. Oh, you don’t want to be a clone? Well, no love for you then.

[Reddit User] −  NTA – I have kids and would much rather pay someone else to watch them while I spent time with my siblings than have my siblings watch them. She is obviously trying to use you in this situation. Also, just because you have different interests from them doesn’t mean your interests are any less valid than theirs. You’re allowed to love the things you love. I’m sorry your family has been so uncaring and selfish. By the way, you could always use malicious compliance and induct her kids into all things fashion. That would be hilarious.

SoSayWeAllx −  NTA if your sister wanted you to be the “cool aunt” she would’ve said, “I’d love for you and the kids to bond and spend time together” not “if love for you to take the kids so I don’t have to have them”. That’s babysitting. And I bet she wouldn’t have paid for the activities.

Your folks treat you unfairly and manipulate you. Where is it written that a fulfilling parent-child connection hinges on shared interests? It’s a simple matter of saying, “we’re planning to dress up as these figures; would you be interested in assisting us with the costume creation?” or “Could you teach me to sew?” I don’t fault your reaction since it stemmed from positive motives, but your sister had personal aspirations.

Jukkobee −  I was on the fence until I read. She told me that if I’d tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of “chasing popularity and doing my nails” maybe I would have more in common with them. Definitely NTA. They’re getting mad at you for not being like them. They’re calling you vain for liking fashion. They’re not hanging out with you and not taking your side just because you have different interests. That’s unfair.

MadronaPDX −  NTA. My brother totally stopped even responding to my texts and calls inviting him to get coffee or lunch once he realized I like his kids and will hang with them as a “babysitter” when needed. Five solid years of only hearing from my brother when he needed a babysitter and him ducking out to sleep or play video games during family trips for the last decade if it looked at all like I could see his son made me realize he has no respect for me.

Being the cool auntie IS super fun, but feeling rejected by your family because they can’t be bothered to get to know the “different” sibling really stings. It’s good you can see the situation for what it is and express your boundaries clearly.
Congratulations on your FIT education! Fashion and apparel design are not easy and require both talent and dedication. Your sister needs to read a different book.

Karl_Pron −  NTA, with a suggestion: how about you offer to let the kids into *your* world, like talk with the niece (if there’s one) about clothes and teach her clothes design or sewing? There’s a lot of resentment towards you from the whole family. They can f**k off.