AITA for letting my sister walk me down the aisle despite my fiance and his family’s objections?

A 23-year-old female Reddit user recounts her wedding preparations and the ensuing disagreement when she chose her 32-year-old sister to accompany her down the aisle. Having been raised by her sister following their mother’s death and lacking a father figure, the sister has been instrumental in her life.

When the user suggested the plan, her fiancé and his family, who hold more conservative beliefs, disapproved. This created conflict with her future relatives, who anticipate a more conventional ceremony. Nevertheless, the user is resolved that her sister will escort her down the aisle, although her sister has volunteered to withdraw to prevent creating strain.

‘ AITA for letting my sister walk me down the aisle despite my fiance and his family’s objections?’

I (23F) was brought up by my half-sister, who is nine years older than me. My father was never in the picture, and our mother passed away from an overdose when I was ten, and my sister was nineteen. My sister’s father was still around and happy to help her out, but not me. My sister decided to become my legal guardian, which caused her father’s family to distance themselves from her. She sacrificed a great deal to raise me, including her relationship with her father, her education, her twenties, and many other things.

SomeRandomRedditor:
I became engaged several months back, and I asked my sister to be not only my maid of honor but also the one to escort me down the aisle. Throughout my life, she has played numerous roles for me, including those of older sister, mother, father, and friend. It felt appropriate to acknowledge these multiple roles on one of the most significant days of my life. My sister was overjoyed, and so was I, but my fiancé expressed his disagreement when I mentioned it to him.

My fiance’s family is very old-fashioned, and he always thought he would have a very conventional wedding. He was happy my sister was my maid of honor but felt it was wrong for her to have two roles, especially walking me down the aisle, because that is usually a man’s job. His family seemed to think his father would give me away since I don’t have any male relatives.

I conveyed to him my gratitude for his father’s readiness to take on that responsibility. Nevertheless, I emphasized that my sister is the primary influence in shaping my identity. Consequently, it is fitting for her to be the one to escort me. This sparked a disagreement that has now extended to my partner’s family. A few days prior, my mother-in-law contacted me, acknowledging the significance of my sister in my life. However, she also pointed out that it is my fiancé’s wedding day as well, and I should not prioritize my sister over him on this special occasion.

I distinctly recall her saying that, but this remains a significant issue for me. My sister has even expressed her willingness to simply be the Maid of Honor and not cause any stress on my special day. So, I’m the only one resisting and being inflexible, but I truly don’t want to give in on this matter. Am I in the wrong?

See what others had to share with OP:

JayBilzeriansPillow −  Tell your MIL that your FIL can walk your fiancé down the aisle if he wants to give someone away. Or better yet, strongly consider not marrying into this family because they’re the assholes. ETA: NTA. Holy comments, Batman! I was not expecting so many replies. Thank you for the awards!

litt3lli0n −  that it wasn’t appropriate for her to walk me down the aisle since that’s usually done by a man. Just because something is done one way, does not mean it cannot be done in a different way. This is VERY telling of how he sees gender roles. I have to question if other things like this have come up in the duration of your relationship. Does he help with house work? Laundry? Dishes? Or do you do them because they are “woman” chores.. NTA and I would die on this hill.

drainedbrain17 −  NTA. I admire the effort you big sister put in to raise you. Having her walk you down the aisle is a no brainer. Also you made me tear up. Thanks, I’m at work and am the grumpy miserable old bloke.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, and this is a hill to die on in my opinion. How is it that you’re “holding out and being stubborn” – couldn’t you say that about your fiancé? He wants to take away something meaningful to you because he wants things to appear his way – that’s entirely self-serving. You’re not putting your sister before him, you’re putting her on your side, right where you want her.

This is strange domineering conduct on the part of your future spouse, and it creates a very unfavorable impression of him and his family. What will occur later if you opt to have kids? If you select a name for a child, does he get to reject it and substitute it with a name he prefers? What will be your function in his “traditional” home, and are you okay with it? I’m not suggesting you break up because of this disagreement, but carefully assess your current situation and future direction before continuing.

EtherPhreak −  I hate to say it, but you may want to put the wedding on hold, and re evaluate if this is a family you wish to marry into. The “Traditional” roles could start small, but become something you hate. NTA, and I wish you the best of luck.

madelinegumbo −  NTA. I would have serious reservations about marrying someone who was blatantly dismissive of my plan to honor the person who raised me.

BriefHorror −  NTA don’t marry him. This will be the rest of your life. Your sister will never be respected because she isn’t a man. “She walks me down the isle or I don’t walk down that isle.” I wouldn’t even give him that much.

ReviewOk929 −  NTA. 1. What a wonderful way to honor your sister and the roles she has played in your life. 2. Your partners inability to grasp something so significant to you is disturbing. 3. The fact that your MIL and probs partner think you are putting yourself ahead of his/their feelings would make me run a mile from them all.

SnooPets8873 −  NTA honestly, him running to his family and them coming after you on his behalf makes me a little hesitant about your current communication and conflict resolution within your relationship. You clearly have an imbalance of family support. I’m worried you are going to be completely crushed under their collective weight. Are you always going to have to give in because they get a vote and outnumber you?

JuliaX1984 −  NTA Die on this hill. Your fiance and in laws value a pointless, misogynistic tradition more than your feelings. Don’t choose a pointless, misogynistic tradition over your sister.