AITA for going home after I overheard my husband say he didn’t want to bring me with him to his family vacation?

A woman on Reddit recounted a painful family trip with her in-laws, during which she overheard her husband confessing he wished she hadn’t joined them. Feeling wounded and like an outsider, she discreetly ended her trip and went back home. Her husband later criticized her for being disrespectful and creating a negative image with his family, making her doubt whether leaving was the wrong thing to do. The complete story is provided below for context.

‘ AITA for going home after I overheard my husband say he didn’t want to bring me with him to his family vacation?’

My spouse takes a yearly trip with his relatives. While I get along with them, we haven’t been married long, and I don’t often see them, so we’re not completely at ease with one another.

I inquired, driven by curiosity, if I could join the family vacation his family planned the previous week. My husband was initially hesitant, but I convinced him it would be a wonderful chance to deepen my connection with his relatives. He eventually agreed to bring me along, and while his family was taken aback by my presence, they extended a warm welcome.

During the third day of the holiday, I was preparing a fruit salad while his parents, siblings, and their partners were conversing at an outdoor table. As I walked back, I overheard my mother-in-law questioning aloud if I truly had no other place to be for the weekend.

Initially, I was oblivious to the subject of her conversation, so I continued on my path. However, I paused when I heard my husband exclaim, “I’M AWARE!!! I didn’t want her to accompany me, but what choice did I have?! You’re familiar with her persistence.” It immediately dawned on me that they were referring to me. I felt so disturbed that I nearly dropped the salad I was carrying. After all the cleaning, cooking, and childcare I provided during my stay, this is how they perceive me? As a burden?

I secretly purchased a plane ticket and took the earliest flight back home. He attempted to contact me via calls and messages, but I only informed him that I had arrived home. Upon his return, he confronted me, expressing his disapproval and describing my actions as immature and disrespectful. I explained that I had overheard his discussion with his mother, but he argued that I was wrong to listen in and insisted that his family would eventually accept me in their own time, so I should not insist on being around them when they are not at ease with it.

Essentially, he blamed me for tagging along. He expressed that my presence made him and his family feel let down when he returned home, and it created a negative perception of me. I’m concerned that I might have spoiled things and made it worse for them.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

stacity −  NTA. Does he even like you?

EastPractice2616 −  NTA. Please don’t let him gaslight you.

amelonlord −  NTA. It’s not like you’ve been dating for 2 weeks, you’re married! And as I understand the husband’s brothers brought their spouses. How else are you going to get to know the family. And to be honest the fact that your husband didn’t defend you and was also talking with them behind your back is kind of a red flag.

misslo718 −  NTA. Other spouses are welcome but not you? What on earth is going on here??

Boring-Conclusion-78 −  NTA. Why are you in a relationship with someone who treats you so poorly?

claireclairey −  So he wants you to stop pushing to be around your family, but when you stop pushing and go home, he still gets angry? And he’s not worried at all about YOUR feelings or YOUR hurt. He’s worried about “impressions.” Do not have children with this man, OP. He will constantly lie to you, demean you, and belittle you behind your back. You now know that no matter how much or what you do for your husband, he will treat you as an inconvenience.. NTA.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. This is toxic. He trash talked you to his family who were being n**ty about you, tried to gaslight you and insists you continue putting up with his their treatment and let them have their own way. He’s your HUSBAND and his family are still treating you like this. You deserve better than these people. You deserve better than HIM. How much more of this could you possible take?

KarmaRan0verMyDogma −  His dad, mom, brothers and spouses were all sitting at a table outside talking. NTA – Other wives were there, but your MIL singles you out as not belonging at their family vacation? This is heartbreaking and the fact that your husband didn’t apologize for hurting you so badly is not a good sign for your future.

poppurplepuff −  NTA. This man is supposed to be your husband and he openly told his family that he wished you weren’t there. Girl! Why are you with him? Why are you putting up with someone who clearly doesn’t value you as his wife or even a person? He could’ve been supportive of your efforts but he chose to side with his family and just alienate you despite your help and attempts at getting along with family. Honestly, from this little amount of information, he sounds like an unsupportive and g**lighting AH.

RaysUnderwater −  So his siblings can bring their spouses, but not you?. What’s that all about? You’ve got a bad marriage. I don’t see it lasting.. NTA.