AITA for refusing to babysit my nephew, even in a family medical emergency, because my brother and SIL lied before?

A Reddit user recounts turning down their brother and sister-in-law’s request to watch their kids following a string of deceptions that eroded their confidence in them. Although they were the sole family member nearby, the user had earlier established explicit conditions, agreeing to babysit only when a genuine crisis arose. After several instances of being deceived with a fabricated vehicle collision to facilitate evening outings, the user resolved to maintain their stance, even when an actual family emergency presented itself. Were they justified in maintaining their resentment, or did they overreact? The complete narrative is detailed below.

‘ AITA for refusing to babysit my nephew, even in a family medical emergency, because my brother and SIL lied before?’

As the sole family member of my brother and sister-in-law residing in this city, I communicated clearly during her pregnancy that my babysitting services would be reserved solely for grave emergencies, such as a medical crisis. I am not available to babysit simply for them to have a break from parenting duties, as my demanding work schedule of 60-100 hours each week leaves me with very little spare time. If anyone is deserving of time off, it is I.

Last year, my sibling and their spouse requested that I watch their children during a casual work gathering – a lakeside getaway planned by my employer. Attendance is highly encouraged, and absence is looked down upon. Their reason was that they desired a night out. I declined, citing my crucial work commitment. They persisted, emphasizing their extended period without a date.

The evening preceding the day in question, they contacted me, clearly distressed, informing me that their friend Mike, who resided in a neighboring city, had been involved in a vehicular collision. They requested that I watch their son for a brief period, enabling them to visit Mike. Although hesitant, I acquiesced, under the condition that they retrieve him by 7:00 a.m. the subsequent day, as I was scheduled to attend a work-related function. They did not return until 48 hours had passed. Consequently, I was compelled to inform my managers of my inability to attend that morning, which reflected poorly on me.

TheSilentGamerDad
My brother and sister-in-law ignored numerous attempts to reach them via text and phone calls. They justified this by claiming that Mike’s health was at risk, and they were occupied with supporting his girlfriend. I believed them, as I had previously encountered Mike and his girlfriend at a gathering and considered them decent individuals. However, I made it clear that such behavior was unacceptable going forward. Over the subsequent couple of months, my brother and sister-in-law consistently cited their need to assist Mike in his recuperation and visit him as a reason for me to look after my nephew.

Mike’s significant other’s workplace and my workplace convened a meeting a couple of months following Mike’s supposed “mishap.” I encountered her and inquired about Mike’s recuperation. It seemed she was completely unaware that he had been admitted to a hospital. Neither did Mike. Mike had not been involved in any incident, and while my brother and sister-in-law had recently paid them a visit, it was for beverages and bowling, not to deliver chicken noodle soup to him while he was in the hospital.

I spoke to my brother and his wife, and initially they denied it. However, they eventually confessed that they had been untruthful regarding Mike’s accident so they could enjoy evenings out. They asserted that I “left them with no alternative because I was never available to assist them when they required time alone, since raising children was so taxing and demanding and I had no understanding of it, and it was merely a harmless fib.”

I clearly stated that I would not be available for babysitting duties for them following what occurred, and I have maintained that position. Yesterday, my brother and sister-in-law pleaded with me to watch their children due to a genuine health crisis within her family. They even provided documentation of the relative’s admission to the hospital. Nevertheless, I declined. They disregarded my trust previously, so I am unconcerned with their financial constraints regarding childcare or their relative’s health issues. They called me a terrible aunt, told me to let go of my resentment, and labeled me as an insignificant jerk. Am I the unreasonable one?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Final_Commission4160 −  NTA they cried wolf too many times now they get to live with the consequences. Plus family doesn’t owe family free babysitting, if they wanted a date night find a babysitter.

dnjprod −  NTA: they burned that bridge. They used a lie about the health of a friend to put their priorities above your own. They made you miss work, and lied to you for months. They really expect you to do this? F**k that. They need to grow up and if they weren’t ready for the stress of having kids all the time, they shouldn’t have had one. These people aren’t just assholes, they are bad parents. Who the hell drops their kid off to the person they’ve tricked into babysitting and then ghosts them for two days?!

TheShowJaguar −  NTA – has it never occurred to them to hire a babysitter? Your time is too valuable and you are not responsible for their choice to procreate. They are unbelievable AH for lying to you.

Issamelissa84 −  NTA. Im a parent and i would NEVER do that – no matter how badly I wanted a night off. Totally inexcusable. Stick to your guns. Don’t babysit for them ever again. They can hire a sitter, the entitled assholes.

[Reddit User] −  They are lucky you didn’t simply call the police to come pick the baby up when they were unreachable for two days. You don’t just get to abandon your baby with somebody and be gone for multiple days without contact. NTA, stand your ground.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. After taking advantage of your good will like that, and potentially damaging your career, they have no right to expect anything from you like that again.

mamallama7228 −  NTA. Since when are family members obligated to babysit upon demand? They need to get their grown up pants on and find childcare. And beg for forgiveness for lying repeatedly to take advantage of you.

loathinginmi −  NTA . He can stay home with his kids, and SiL can go visit her family. Problem solved. They were due back by a certain time but showed up two days later. Wtf?! Screwing with your job / livlihood is unforgiveable! Then, not only did they lie initially, about someone’s life being on the line, they continued to lie repeatedly.

There is no justification for any of that conduct. They are the parents of these children. They should accept the responsibilities of parenthood! Being “an aunt” does not obligate you to babysit whenever the parents desire a night out. Your connection with their children should not be utilized for personal gain.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Even if their friend did have an accident, they should no have been unreachable while you were babysitting. What if their kid had an emergency?? This is just terrible, and I would never babysit for them again.

Tiamat_fire_and_ice −  NTA. Oh, absolutely not. Stick to your guns and never babysit for them, again. I don’t care if aliens land and threaten war on the Earth unless your brother and sister-in-law personally negotiate a peace deal with them. Still don’t do it.

I understand that your brother is a family member, and I regret having to say this, but he is a complete jerk. Your sister-in-law is just as bad. They are truly awful people, and their willingness to be dishonest is a serious character flaw. There is nothing minor or harmless about their deception. Furthermore, what kind of example are they setting for your nephew regarding ethical behavior? They are fortunate that you continue to communicate with them, because I doubt I would.

They say “They had no choice”? What does that even mean? They could have befriended people in the area, or found someone to watch their kid. Instead, they chose to deceive you and cause you to be absent from a crucial professional engagement. This could have had significant negative consequences for your career! You’re absolutely NTA; I’m so angry on your behalf that I’m tempted to call them myself and give them a piece of my mind.