AITA for celebrating my anniversary despite what happened at my wedding?

A newlywed couple faced an unimaginable sorrow when a young guest drowned at their wedding reception. In spite of this, they chose to commemorate their first anniversary by sharing wedding pictures online. This act ignited anger from the child’s mother and relatives, causing a fierce online argument. The wife is now questioning if it was inappropriate to celebrate their anniversary in light of the devastating incident.

‘ AITA for celebrating my anniversary despite what happened at my wedding?’

Last year, my spouse and I celebrated our marriage. The location we selected was gorgeous and sat next to a lake. Regrettably, while we were having the reception, one of the small children wandered off without their parents’ knowledge and chose to take a dip in the water, despite not knowing how to swim. This was a heartbreaking and shattering event, and it naturally brought the celebration to an early close.

We haven’t really been in touch with the in-laws since then, because we weren’t particularly close outside of the holidays, and those haven’t occurred this year. However, we are still connected on Facebook. On our first anniversary, I posted a celebratory message with some wedding pictures. I didn’t give it a second thought until a flood of comments started coming in. I woke up to find 30 comments and 15 missed calls. The most prominent comment was from the child’s mother, and she was very angry about it.

She left a lengthy message accusing my post of disrespecting the day’s tragic events and questioning my audacity for posting without acknowledging her child or consulting her beforehand. Thirty comments later, it became apparent that her entire family had joined a conflict I was unaware I had initiated. Currently, the comment count has reached 150, with my own friends and parents now participating.

A significant portion of his relatives are pressuring me to remove the post, issue an apology to his parents, and demonstrate greater consideration, perhaps by even observing our anniversary on an alternate date. A segment of the family believes we should maintain the original anniversary date, but refrain from sharing it on social media to “avoid conflict.” I maintain that my post was innocuous, and I believe we have the right to commemorate our anniversary like any other couple. My intention is to celebrate my marriage, not the unfortunate event. Am I in the wrong?

Check out how the community responded:

superfastmomma −  ESH but for crying out loud, take the post down. On one hand is a family with a dead child facing the one year anniversary of their loss. Unimaginable pain. On the other hand is your need to have people comment on how pretty your wedding was and tell you happy anniversary. Their pain far outweighs your needs for likes.

I am at a loss as to why you didn’t restrict the family of the deceased child from accessing your post. The moment you recognized it was creating distress, you should have removed the post. Naturally, you are entitled to observe your anniversary as you wish, but not in a manner that is apparent to individuals who are grieving the loss of their child. Please demonstrate empathy.

cdifl −  YTA. Something awful happened at your wedding. It wasn’t your fault, but it’s something that you have to deal with. I’m very sorry that you will never be able to have a normal anniversary, but that’s a small burden compared to having to deal with the loss of a child.

Those who suggest keeping celebrations private are spot on. Avoid displaying any celebratory gestures in places where bereaved parents might encounter them. Anniversaries were commemorated long before the advent of Facebook, and you can certainly continue to cherish your special occasions without broadcasting your affections to your online acquaintances.

Acceptable_Letter331 −  You became the AH the moment all hell broke loose on your post and you didn’t have the decency to delete it completely.

Ragingredblue −  YTA. You’re not an a**hole for celebrating your marriage, you’re an a**hole for celebrating your *wedding*. You just posted photos of an event where a child drowned, and you can’t fathom how insensitive that is, or that the event is a horrible memory for everyone else?!?

Given that our contact with the child’s parents was limited to holiday gatherings, which haven’t occurred this year, we haven’t communicated with them. You’ve brushed off the situation and can’t understand why the parents haven’t done the same, especially considering you haven’t even spoken to them since it happened? I sincerely hope you don’t have children, as you appear to be deficient in basic human compassion.

BitterIrony1891 −  After seeing the edit…wow, everyone even peripherally attached to this situation is determined to be the biggest a**hole they possibly can about it, huh? I thought you were heartless and inconsiderate to have made the Facebook post, but that email suggests you are one of the less-assholish people in your social circle. (“Living in sin”? They can sit on a cactus!!)

I don’t want to come across as glib, but it’s obvious that NO ONE who attended your wedding has dealt with the traumatic event they experienced (either firsthand or secondhand) in a constructive manner. You all require counseling. Less working through things as a group, given that the entire family seems to thrive on drama and encourage each other’s poor decisions, and more individual work with qualified therapists.

I am truly sorry that your wedding was destroyed. My heart goes out to the family grieving the loss of their child. I extend my condolences to all who witnessed and were affected by this traumatic occurrence. I regret that your spouse’s parents are exacerbating an already difficult circumstance. This is a truly unfortunate predicament.

Texasworld −  Oh god. That’s such a horrible tragedy. NAH. Could the mother have handled that better and not made a public scene on Facebook? Absolutely, but grief makes people act in certain ways. You also probably could have had the foresight to block her on that particular post. At the end of the day, you’re allowed to celebrate your marriage and she’s allowed to grieve her child.

Quellman −  NTA – but maybe insensitive. I went between all three of the choices thoroughly until I arrived at this conclusion. This is such a raw event. A happy occasion that is marred by the unfortunate passing of a child. You have every right to celebrate your wedding. But not all anniversaries are happy. The first year following a loss is difficult, especially that single day. That said, people still have joyous occasions on tragic days. Celebrating on a different day? Those people are AH.

The child’s parents are a bit out of line. It’s their place, not yours, to keep their child’s memory alive in your posts. Going forward, I suggest blocking that family from seeing your anniversary posts. I can only imagine the awful pain they must feel, having apparently lost their child due to negligence.

HowardProject −  NAH – This tragedy is absolutely heartbreaking, and of course it must have been painful for the parents to have seen that reminder of the day… What would have been kinder would have been for someone closer to them to gently remind them that they might wish to block your posts for a few weeks surrounding the anniversary. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t think it’s reasonable of them to expect to control your social media.

I really don’t want to label a grieving parent as an a**hole for their reaction in this instance. Maybe the best course of action would be to restrict who sees your anniversary posts and prevent the deceased child’s immediate relatives from seeing them.

redit-rachel −  I’m confused. Was the child a family member? The husband’s mother sending that email with 3/4 of the family on it and offering to pay for a second wedding makes me think this child was a family member and not simply the child of parents who OP says they weren’t close with.

The “living in sin” aspect is something I struggle with. The original poster and her husband are married in both the eyes of the law and their religion, despite the unfortunate event that happened. Having another wedding would be purely for appearances, and all the guests would be aware that the sole purpose of it is because a child passed away at the initial ceremony. It wouldn’t be a joyous occasion.