AITA for getting mad at my husband because he laughed when I told him to reheat his own dinner?

A stay-at-home mother is annoyed with her spouse, an emergency medical technician, because he wants her to get up and warm his food, despite her having prepped it beforehand. One evening, when she declined, he became upset, called her childish, and said she was letting him go without food. She is now questioning whether she was wrong. Read the complete account below and share your opinion.

‘ AITA for getting mad at my husband because he laughed when I told him to reheat his own dinner?’

As a stay-at-home mother with two children, ages three and six months, I face the challenge of my husband’s unpredictable work schedule as an ambulance driver. He anticipates a meal upon his arrival, regardless of my commitments with the children or my need for rest. Despite the toll it takes, I fulfill this expectation, acknowledging his demanding profession.

After dealing with this issue for a while, my mother advised me to begin preparing meals in advance, so that lunch or dinner would be ready when he arrived home, requiring only reheating. I promptly took action, went grocery shopping, and dedicated two full days to preparing meals and storing them in the refrigerator. His reaction to this concept was simply, “whatever”. I felt somewhat relieved because I could now get adequate sleep, and childcare would no longer be disrupted.

He arrived home at 11 p.m. last night, after I had put the baby down and was asleep. I was awakened by him yelling for me from the living room. I hurried out to find out what was wrong, and he said he was hungry and wanted his dinner. I told him it was in the refrigerator and simply needed to be warmed up, and that he didn’t need to wake me up for it. He insisted that I go and heat it up for him.

I refused, stating it wasn’t going to occur and that he could warm up his own meal. He responded with mocking laughter, which angered me. He then said I was being unreasonable to think he should be “expected” to perform a task like reheating food himself after working continuously for an entire shift, especially when I was available to do it. After he complained that I wasn’t doing enough and I refused to reheat his dinner, we started arguing, and I went back into the bedroom and slammed the door.

He arrives an hour later, complaining that I’ve essentially starved him because I’m being vindictive and trying to make a statement. I retort that it’s unfair of him to expect me to reheat his food when he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself. He glares at me, declares he’s going to bed without eating, blames me for it, and then leaves. This morning, he gets ready and leaves without a word, switching off his phone as he goes.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

CTDV8R −  OP. NTA. STOP 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. This is not about food. This is about control, this is about respect. This is not something you’re going to be able to handle on your own, you and your husband need neutral professional assistance to navigate this discussion. The behavior your husband is demonstrating is absolutely atrocious, it is disrespectful and unloving.

What makes him believe it’s okay to shout loudly enough to potentially rouse the kids? Furthermore, why does he think it’s alright to yell from another part of the house just to wake you? Such conduct is more in line with a child than with a mature or courteous adult.

If everything you said is true then I have to ask why are you in this relationship? He’s yelling from another room throwing a hissy fit to wake everybody up in the house and get attention? Then he’s punishing himself and won’t eat in the name of being angry with you?

I wouldn’t advise attempting these discussions with him, as they’ll likely lead to frustration for both of you. However, if you envision this as a lasting, committed partnership, seeking assistance is crucial, since this kind of conduct doesn’t resolve itself.

With gratitude for the awards and upvotes, life experience eventually leads to understanding, with the hope that others might heed the advice and avoid difficult lessons.

OP… Find encouragement in the overwhelming support you’re receiving in the comments on your post; everyone is trying to assist you. Hopefully, this is clear to you now.

This isn’t centered on you; it’s focused on him and what he’s going through.

OP, if you have a spare moment, we would appreciate it if you could provide us with an update and share your thoughts. We are here to support you.

basketballwife −  Oh honey. This is abuse. Please seek out support. Just because he isn’t hitting you doesn’t mean he is treating you appropriately. He is a full grown adult, and he can make and heat his own food. If he doesn’t like it he can move back in with his mother. I hope you make a plan and leave.

[Reddit User] −  I’m going to be straight with you. Reading your post gave me chills to my stomach and triggered me into what I thought was healed trauma. You’re NTA. Not even one tiny bit. You’re a GOOD woman.

[Reddit User] −  Edit: I am getting a lot of comments saying that this advice is too blunt because the situation is abusive. OP, judge your safety and decide what’s best for you. NTA. Here’s a script if you want to use it: “Hey husband, we need to talk about what happened last night. I have a few things to say and I don’t want to be interrupted.

You’re now responsible for your own meals. I won’t be making any effort to prepare breakfast, lunch, or dinner for you. You’re an adult and can handle it yourself, particularly after your behavior towards me. My decision is final.

You will also be expected to contribute to the upkeep of the household. Remember that you also live here, and caring for two small kids is demanding. You will need to help with household tasks. I am willing to handle the majority, but not everything.

I need you to say sorry for shouting at me and waking me for the sole purpose of microwaving your food. I found your actions completely unacceptable, and I expect you to acknowledge this and apologize before we can move forward.

And yes, I will threaten to end the relationship. I am not interested in comments about Reddit or divorce.

Ok-Top-6572 −  NTA and I’m so upset and angry on your behalf. 6 months means no sleep and broken nights, still being milk on tap, no clothes fitting still, and wild hormones. A 3 year old means getting no rest during the day even when the baby sleeps because 3 year olds +do not stop+. Both together means no privacy, no space, constant touch, constant shouting, and complete exhaustion. You’re doing amazingly to do what you have.

He’s being completely irrational. This isn’t right, it’s not a positive or acceptable way to act. It completely disregards your efforts, reveals a lack of concern or thoughtfulness towards you and is entirely self-centered. Based on the nature of your connection, you might attempt to communicate your weariness and your activities, as he might be unaware.

If you prefer a hands-on approach and believe he’s capable of stepping up, consider a kid-free weekend getaway while he’s not working, allowing him to experience the reality firsthand, followed by a conversation. If those options are not viable, consider taking the children to stay with your mother or another relative if that’s an option.

It will provide you with the chance to figure out your desires, along with support to prevent you from feeling isolated. I am deeply saddened that he is behaving this way, and sending my best wishes on the new baby.

Samael13 −  NTA and his response to you is deeply troubling/scary. Screaming and emotional manipulation is very abusive behavior. He’s responsible for going to bed hungry, not you. He’s responsible for ignoring your labor and that you also need sleep. I hope you have a good support network in place; his behavior is scary and you may want to have somewhere to go if it escalates and he doesn’t get himself under control.

[Reddit User] −  Girl, I got news. You’re in an abusive relationship.. NTA

oldcreaker −  NTA: tonight tell him to reheat last night’s dinner first. You’re a partner, not a servant. And he’s treating you worse than a servant, they get time to sleep.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. OP…. You need to leave this man. He has no regard for your well being or the work you do at home. And the waking you up to feed him dinner is straight out of the 1950s. Talk to your mother. Make a plan, and get out of this relationship. It’s only going to get worse as he becomes more selfish and entitled.

adultier-adult −  NTA. My 17 year old son just got a part time job after school. He regularly comes home around 8-9pm and reheats his dinner. This is a bigger issue than microwaving some food.

Was the husband’s request for his wife to warm up his meal out of line, or was her refusal an overreaction? What’s a fair approach for couples to manage such tasks? Let’s discuss your opinions and suggestions below.