AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account even though she says it’s for “family emergencies”?

A financially independent 24-year-old woman is facing pressure from her mother to grant her access to her savings. Although she contributes to family costs as needed, her mother insists that direct access is required to cover “family emergencies.” The woman is wary, as she wishes to retain authority over her savings for her own future, which has caused friction with her mother and older sister, leaving her to wonder if she is acting selfishly.

‘ AITA for refusing to give my mother access to my savings account even though she says it’s for “family emergencies”?’

Since turning 18, I (24F) have been employed and careful with my finances. I’ve managed to create a solid safety net and have begun saving for a home. My parents are aware of my financial responsibility; however, my mother (48F) has been pushing me lately to allow her access to my savings.

She claims that recent unforeseen costs have strained the family’s finances, citing vehicle maintenance and her younger brother’s (15M) healthcare needs. While I recognize the financial constraints, I’ve consistently offered assistance when feasible. I’ve taken care of food purchases, chipped in for utilities, and even assisted with my brother’s academic materials.

My mother disagrees with my assessment. She is requesting complete access to my savings, indicating it is a safeguard against unforeseen major events. I expressed my reservations, emphasizing that I have diligently earned these funds to secure my future. I also clarified my willingness to provide assistance should a genuine crisis arise, but I would rather handle such matters according to my own discretion.

She became very angry, accusing me of mistrust and self-centeredness. My father has remained neutral, but my older sister (26F) believes I am exaggerating and should simply grant our mother access. She even questioned, “Why bother saving money if you’re not willing to assist your family?”

I’m currently in a dilemma. I have a desire to assist my family, but I also believe it’s unjust for me to relinquish authority over the funds I’ve diligently acquired. Would I be wrong to decline granting my mother access to my savings?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

792bookcellar −  I would highly recommend you do NOT share your account information, not even your balance. You are saving so you can move out. You should only be paying the bills you are required to pay for living in the house. You should also get a credit check to make sure you don’t have any other open accounts you are not aware of.

Short_Bus8309 −  NTA. Don’t do it, they will drain that account, it is not normal to request access to someone’s bank account.

busyshrew −  NTA. As the mom of a young adult woman, I can firmly tell you, your mother’s demand is wrong, and it is NOT usual nor normal. Your sister is throwing you under the rug because either she doesn’t have money and wants yours as well, or she would rather see your mom steal your money, rather than hers.

If your mom is constantly bothering you, I would advise minimizing or eliminating contact for a period. Crucially, safeguard your credit and personal details to protect against identity theft perpetrated by your mother. Her actions strongly suggest a desire to obtain your funds through some means.

helpful-treefrog −  Do not give your mother access to your account. Just don’t. It’s a terrible idea that often ends up going very badly. You aren’t obligated to give your family anything, although it sounds like you have been pitching in ~~even though you were underage until recently~~ which is kind, but absolutely not something your parents should count on.

In an urgent situation, your mother has the option to inform you of the issue and its financial implications, allowing YOU to determine the extent of your contribution based on your willingness and capacity. I must emphasize that she absolutely does not require unlimited access to your account! Edit: I misunderstood the original poster’s age.

catscatsonlycats −  It is YOUR money, not hers. Only you can say who gets access. She is being the horrible one, guilt tripping you into feelings bad.

Cornmunkey −  Bank guy here: Anyone added to an account has fully legal access to all money. If you add your mom she can empty the account into an individual account only in her name and you will lose that money with zero recourse.

plantprinses −  The point of savings is that the saver can use it for down payment for a house, unexpected medical expenses, a car that needs to be replaced, that kind of thing. These are your savings. If your mother wants money, let her save money herself. If you give her access, she will claim than anything and everything is an emergency, including emergencies that she is able to pay for herself. DO NOT GIVE HER ACCESS.

This isn’t about egotism; you earned it. Your mother and sister display selfishness by desiring access to funds they didn’t contribute to acquiring. Should your family assert a need for aid, you retain the prerogative to assess a) the legitimacy of the emergency and b) the appropriateness of your partial contribution.

Your parents shouldn’t rely on your funds; they ought to be self-sufficient. If that’s not possible, they should explore employment opportunities, seek additional work, increase their working hours, reduce their living space, or lower their expenses. The same principle holds true for your freeloading sister.

Uropa_Hoppenstedt −  In what kind of financial family emergency there’s no time to ask you to help? NTA – keep your account info safe and double check everything they come up with.

A-typ-self −  As a parent, no you are absolutely NOT an AH. You said that you would be willing to help with a big financial emergency. That’s helping family on your terms. The only reason to give your mother access at this point would be for her to access that money without your knowledge. You are an adult, there is absolutely no reason to share your banking information OR give them access.