AITA for refusing to let my stepmother walk me down the aisle because my mom is still alive?

A woman on Reddit (28F) is getting ready for her wedding. Her dad has requested that both he and her stepmom escort her down the aisle. She appreciates her stepmother’s presence in her life, but she worries that this would take attention away from her biological mother, who is still actively involved in her life.

The bride-to-be doesn’t want her stepmother to accompany her down the aisle, which has angered her father, who believes she’s acting selfishly. Her siblings are split on the issue, and she’s struggling with loyalty to both her stepmother and her mother. Her fiancé is supportive but wants her to make the final call. She’s now wondering if she’s in the wrong for excluding her stepmother.

‘ AITA for refusing to let my stepmother walk me down the aisle because my mom is still alive?’

I (28F) am set to get married in the coming months. My father proposed that both he and my stepmother accompany me as I walk down the aisle. To provide some background, my stepmother has been a part of my life since I was 10 years old. While I appreciate all her efforts, my biological mother is still living and has consistently played an active role in my life.

I told my father that I wasn’t in agreement with his suggestion when he mentioned it. While my stepmother played a role in my upbringing, I want this occasion to be a tribute to my mother in addition to my father. My mother has been eagerly anticipating this day for a long time, and my stepmother’s involvement would seem to take attention away from her.

My father is now angry, accusing me of “disregarding” all the efforts my stepmother has made for me. My stepmother hasn’t voiced her feelings, but I can sense she’s offended. My siblings are divided—some believe I should allow her involvement to avoid conflict, while others empathize with my desire to keep the matter between my parents and me. My fiancé is supportive but emphasizes that I must determine what will bring me the most joy on our wedding day.

I’m currently in a dilemma. I have affection and admiration for my stepmother; however, I’m concerned that having her participate would be insensitive to my mother, who is also quite sensitive regarding this matter. My father believes I’m acting unjustly and self-centeredly. Am I the one in the wrong for not allowing my stepmother to escort me down the aisle?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

gregwhale5 −  You are not. Your dad is on trying to force the issue.. It’s your wedding.

Divorced_life −  NTA. I’m a stepmom and this is an insane request. I would never disrespect my stepkids’ mother this way. And anyway it’s your wedding. Your day so you get what you want. They got to have their wedding the way they wanted.

armywifemumof5 −  I’d tell dad to knock it off or it will be just bio mum walking you.

TarzanKitty −  If I was your actual mother and you allowed this. I wouldn’t contribute a dime to the wedding, I wouldn’t participate or speak to you again. What they are suggesting is the ultimate FU to your mother.

man_flakes −  NTA- at the end of the day you’re getting married. It’s your wedding. This isn’t some pageantry for other people and other agendas. This is YOUR wedding! Your dad is overstepping imo. Idk the nature of your mom vs dad’s relationship now, if it’s amicable or not, but depending on that it sounds like a bit of insecurities being projected onto you. Or unspoken expectations that have yet to be voiced.

It’s important to mention that individuals should not perform good deeds while anticipating rewards. I would even argue that this holds true for raising children. To love someone entails showing them respect, as well as respect for their choices and their existence; it does not entail carrying out actions in exchange for a symbolic gesture or benefit.

RJack151 −  NTA. Tell dad that he is the only one that will be walking you down the aisle, and tell him that if he does not drop it, your mom will be doing it.

SnooMacarons4844 −  If I had a $1 every time I read ‘keep the peace’ on Reddit, I’d be rich. They’re also the buzz words for people to know whoever uses it in an argument is wrong.

Beautiful_Empire4862 −  NTA. Your dad is using your wedding to make a statement. It’s not ok. Tell him both your mothers will be there and that’s a message itself. Don’t let him.hurt your bio mom by using your stepmom. It’s not fair to either woman. If he keeps complaining, tell him you’ll have a step dad/uncle/grandpa walk with the both of you and see how he feels about that lol.

oilpaintedorgy −  It’s not the Middle Ages your dad doesn’t own you.

Yungeel −  NTA – your actual mother deserves to be honored. The spot next to you is rightfully hers and anyone else in the spot would be a direct fu to her. If Stepmom is cool she can walk down the isle next to another honored guest (such as grandma for example).

Was the bride incorrect in preventing her stepmother from participating in the wedding march, or is she within her rights to want to pay tribute to her birth mother during this significant occasion? Share your opinions in the comments below!