AITAH – banned from a sub cause a lawyer told us she is divorcing her cheating husband and I asked, “you didn’t add an infidelity clause in your pre-nup?”

A legal professional on Reddit recounted their experience of being barred from a subreddit dedicated to legal topics. This occurred after they inquired with another user about whether her prenuptial agreement included an infidelity clause. The user had made a post concerning her divorce from her unfaithful spouse, and the lawyer’s comment was meant to provide helpful legal guidance.

The moderators, however, felt the question was inappropriate, which made the user question whether they had acted incorrectly. See the complete story below to learn more and understand the user’s viewpoint on this matter.

‘ AITAH – banned from a sub cause a lawyer told us she is divorcing her cheating husband and I asked, “you didn’t add an infidelity clause in your pre-nup?” ‘

I’m starting to question whether my actions are justified. I’m part of a group primarily composed of legal professionals, and the original poster shared her situation: she’s divorcing her unfaithful husband and seeking employment, given her impending status as a single woman.

The lawyer in me goes, “an infidelity clause could be a safeguard for alimony in case the marriage dissolves.” Also this is a sub of all lawyers, talking about marriage dissolving and contracts is typical. I admit I am not a woman, so maybe I am biased here but I asked her:

“Damn so sorry to hear that. you didn’t add an infidelity clause in your pre-nup?” Well, after posting that comment the Mods banned me for breaking their rule: No incivility and unprofessional behavior. What? I was genuinely asking a follow-up question to a subject that OP directly brings up herself.. AITAH?!?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

VegetableBusiness897 −  I got banned from a sub where OP called her mother a monster in the title. I gave a pretty tame judgement, but called OPs mother ‘momster’. Permanent ban…whatever…

trapcardx −  OP deleted their account and is just gonna make a new one to rejoin the community 😭😭

epeeist42 −  YTA. I looked at that thread. Thread was titled and about changing jobs in law, and mentioning for context that divorcing. The original post said nothing about a pre-nup.

Many individuals enter marriage without a prenuptial agreement, perhaps due to circumstances prior to their legal career, or for sentimental reasons. Regardless, the lack of a time machine prevents any retroactive alterations. Therefore, OP’s comment was irrelevant, entirely unhelpful, and did not address the initial post’s concern.

OP: They initiated the irrelevant pre-nuptial discussion, which was unhelpful. Moreover, even if OP’s conduct didn’t breach civility standards (though I believe it did), it significantly deviated from the topic, as the rules mandate posts to pertain to employment in major law firms.

Bringing up the topic of prenuptial agreements and suggesting that someone should have included a specific clause, especially when it’s uncertain if they even had a prenup to begin with, is irrelevant. Some Reddit communities are stricter about off-topic discussions than others. Alternatively, the removal could simply be due to violating the community’s rule against being unpleasant.

DogTheBotHunter −  What was the post even about? If someone was posting asking for job help and you responded with chastising them for not having a good prenup then it’s clear you broke the rules 

stormsway_ −  The problem is that your framing of question is inappropriate and does not do anything other than chastise the person for past decisions. Asking “is there a prenup?”

It’s a valid question since it could offer pertinent background. However, posing “you didn’t get a prenup?” in that manner was pointless, except to suggest she’s at fault for her abusive partner’s behavior.

Secure-Current-4588 −  YTA. Asking about a pre-nup in that context definitely comes off as a bit tone-deaf, especially when someone’s dealing with a painful situation. It might have been a genuine question, but sometimes timing and empathy are key. A little sensitivity goes a long way!

Internal-Student-997 −  What was the point of asking? Do you have access to time travel? Or are you just a condescending d**k?
Your parents should have explained the concept of “inside thoughts” to you by now, considering that you’re a f**king adult with a law degree.

Here’s a little lesson they teach kids in kindergarten and grade school: THINK before you talk. T – Is it factual? H – Does it help? I – Does it uplift? N – Must it be said? K – Is it nice? But seriously, sometimes you just need to STFU. I believe you’re capable of it.

Responsible_Blood789 −  The discussion about the CEO shooting was discussing security, all I said was security is all well and good but won’t help stop a sniper at two hundred meters. I was advocating violence, apparently, who knew.. Three day ban

genescheesesthatplz −  Does that sub mean so much to you that you feel the need to argue with people here?

Double-Resolution179 −  Mods rules are mods rules. Best to accept it and move on rather than waste your time infuriated with something unlikely to change. (Also they won’t tell you because that gives people insight into how to carefully skirt the rules but not break them)

The question probably diverged from the main subject, and without proper background, it appears somewhat blaming and judgmental towards the victim. The presence of a prenuptial agreement or a clause addressing infidelity is irrelevant to the fact that he was unfaithful. But that’s just my assessment, especially considering the limited information available.

It’s hard to give a definitive “yes” or “no” since the circumstances are key. However, even then it’s not that relevant considering what I said at the start. The moderators’ actions are out of your control. Occupy yourself with something else; you’ll have moved on by this time next week.

Was the user’s inquiry about the infidelity provision unsuitable within a legal framework, or was it a logical next step considering the circumstances? What would your approach be in a comparable scenario where you’re attempting to assist but receive criticism in return? I’m interested in hearing your perspective.