AITA for not letting my sister be the maid of honor at my wedding because of her behavior?

A 29-year-old woman getting married on Reddit chose to replace her 26-year-old sister as her maid of honor because she had become more and more poisonous and focused on herself over the previous 12 months.

Even after the bride clarified her motivations, emphasizing her desire for a supportive and upbeat ambiance at her wedding, her sister responded with fury, blaming the bride for being a terrible sibling and depriving her of the opportunity to have a significant role in the celebration. The bride is now second-guessing her choice, wondering if she’s being unreasonable. The complete account is provided below for your consideration.

‘ AITA for not letting my sister be the maid of honor at my wedding because of her behavior?’

I (29F) am set to marry my fiancé, Ryan (31M), in half a year, and the wedding arrangements have been underway for some time. My sister, Olivia (26F), and I have typically enjoyed a positive connection, but our dynamic has begun to shift lately.

Olivia’s behavior has gotten increasingly challenging over the last year. She’s become remarkably egocentric, frequently steering attention toward herself, even during my important events. For instance, on my 29th birthday, she lamented the hardships of her own life, and at my engagement celebration, she made multiple veiled, resentful remarks about being single.

I’ve attempted to discuss the matter with her, but she dismissed it, claiming I was overreacting. Even with this, I initially asked her to be my maid of honor because of my love for her as my sister. However, I’ve recently become aware of the extent of her harmful actions, and I don’t want her in such a significant position at my wedding.

I had a conversation with her where I expressed my emotions and conveyed my decision that she would no longer hold the role of maid of honor. I communicated my need for someone capable of providing support and maintaining a positive outlook throughout this period, emphasizing that her disposition was incompatible with that requirement. Currently, she is very angry with me, blaming me for being an awful sister and depriving her of the opportunity to participate in my wedding.

I’m currently feeling awful. I have no desire to jeopardize my relationship with my sister because of this, but concurrently, I have the impression that I am acting in my own best interests and those of my wedding. Am I in the wrong for refusing to allow my sister to serve as the maid of honor as a result of the way she has been acting?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Organic-Mix-9422 −  You left out the bits where your family and friends are divided, and your mother insists you be the bigger person, and your father does nothing. But your SO is on your side.

ConversationFun1215 −  **NAH** – It’s a tough situation. I understand why Olivia might feel hurt, but it also makes sense why you’d want someone who can be positive and supportive in such an important role. Relationships require both sides to make an effort, and it’s clear you’ve tried to talk things through.

chez2202 −  She doesn’t want to be a part of your big day. She wants to be the centre of attention in your big day if what you have said is correct. Is it possible that she is acting this way because your life is going better than her own and she is depressed rather than self centred?

Might she be finding it hard to adjust to the shift in your dynamic, now that you’re about to be married and another person is taking precedence?

If it’s feasible, consider speaking with her and assuring her that she will consistently hold significance for you. Emphasize that even with the evolving nature of your connection, it has the potential to surpass its previous state if you both dedicate yourselves to nurturing it and honoring each other’s limits.

Vivid-Ad5691 −  NTA – You have every right to choose your maid of honor based on the support and positivity you need during this time. A wedding is a big deal, and you need people around you who uplift you, not bring negativity. It’s understandable that you set boundaries, especially when it’s affecting your emotional well-being.

TimeDue2994 −  So you are ruining her chances at your big day. Wow, that argument alone is enough to kick her out of your big day. I don’t think Olivia is willing to accept that this is your day, not hers

BonusMomSays −  This drama and her “this is my chance to be important pn your big day” BS is exactly why she should NOT be your MOH!! She is already making it about her!!

TheSanityInspector −  She can still ruin your wedding even if she’s not maid of honor, you know. Were you planning on disinviting her altogether?

alycewandering7 −  She isn’t upset about you ruining her chance to be a part of your big day. She’s upset that you took away her opportunity to make your big day all about *her. She would be a terrible MOH and everything would be about her and what she wants.

I wouldn’t want her present at my wedding, knowing she’ll instigate some kind of spectacle to center attention on herself. Employ security to prevent her entry. Establish passwords with every venue to prevent her from nullifying reservations or altering arrangements.

Make sure security has her photo to prevent her entry. Exclude anyone who creates problems, as she is not welcome. I understand this is more easily suggested than accomplished. Regardless of your choices, I wish you a beautiful wedding without any disturbances. NTA.

Astreja −  If she’s hijacked your birthday party and your engagement party, she is *not* living up to the “honour” part of “maid of honour.” NTA. Let her whine, and find a supportive MoH.

McKinleysMom −  She clearly has some jealousy issues with you. She’s lamenting how bad her life is, while your life is moving forward in positive ways. It’s tough… she feels the sting of not being where you are in life, and if a wedding wasn’t involved, you’d probably be there to support her.

As a sibling whose experiences haven’t matched my expectations, especially when contrasted with my sister’s, I understand the feeling. It’s challenging to avoid jealousy when someone enjoys a more comfortable existence, free from money problems, or shares their life with a supportive partner. Personally, I’d never allow my jealousy to disrupt my sister’s joyful moments. However, your sister appears to constantly highlight those disparities.

I would meet with her once more. I would talk about her profound sentiments regarding her dissatisfaction with her current life situation, assuring her that you empathize with her feelings. Simply recognizing her feelings of jealousy might be sufficient to convey that she has been acknowledged and understood.

Let her know that life isn’t a race; some people advance while others experience failures, and you will support her through both! Your joy isn’t a limited resource; her portion doesn’t decrease when yours increases. It is limitless and plentiful.

Let her know that your special day would be incomplete without her, but remind her that as the bride, you are entitled to a full day to live out your dreams. Nothing more… just 24 hours. Then, once the honeymoon is over, dedicate an entire day to fulfilling her desires. Do whatever she wishes. Show her your appreciation for standing by you, express your love, and assure her of your support in achieving her goals.

It’s possible she’s grappling with a sense of inadequacy. Refrain from exacerbating this by making her exclusion from the bridal party evident. However, ensure she understands what you anticipate from her on that day. Remember, it’s your special occasion, and when her turn arrives, she’ll take center stage, with you offering your full support. Let us know how it goes.

Was the bride right to value her feelings and the wedding’s vibe, or should she have acted in another way to save her bond with her sister? What would you do if your sibling was acting up in such a critical moment? Let us know what you think and what you suggest!