AITA for taking offense to my spouse willing large portions of their assets to their siblings ?

A user on Reddit expressed discontent regarding their partner’s choice to bequeath 75% of their wealth—encompassing life insurance and investments—to their siblings instead of their partner, even though they jointly manage substantial financial obligations such as a $1 million mortgage. Although the siblings are not financially dependent, this choice makes the partner feel unappreciated within the relationship. Is this a fair limit, or is the partner being overly sensitive? The complete narrative is provided below.

‘ AITA for taking offense to my spouse willing large portions of their assets to their siblings ?’

A worried husband or wife expressed the emotional distress they are experiencing due to a difficult financial and emotional conflict with their significant other. The pair resides in a location with a high cost of living and has over $1 million in liabilities, mainly connected to a house they have recently acquired.

While the spouse is the primary breadwinner, contributing roughly 65% of the household income, their partner also earns a significant income. Here’s the issue: despite being married and sharing financial burdens like a hefty mortgage,

The main income provider has chosen to bequeath 75% of their life insurance and investments to their siblings, who are financially secure and independent. This choice has made the spouse uncomfortable, especially since their entire estate is left to the primary earner.

The partner laments their inability to convey the abnormality of the situation to their spouse. They worry about the potential difficulty in affording the mortgage should their partner pass away prematurely, particularly if a decline in the housing market diminishes its worth. More than just the money, they believe this situation erodes the feeling of teamwork and shared assistance within their relationship.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

mangeyraccoon −  NTA – that is super weird…have you asked him why he’s set his will up this way?

hokeypokey59 −  Consult an attorney. The state you live in has laws and rules about marital assets and he may not have the right to supercede his spouse without your permission.

Cavolatan −  Maybe you could play this out for him on paper and show him how you might wind up in trouble trying to manage that $1M debt while grieving? He might not be thinking through the situation in a super logical way, not everyone is able to think clearly about their own d**th. NTA

peggingpinhead −  NTA. He is the primary bread winner. If he dies and leaves you with a house you can’t afford the mortgage or property taxes, then ur screwed.

CuteeHarper −  NTA. so weird, tbh, i assume his siblings are adult now too, right? they have the ability to earn on their own, and like why even marry someone if they’re not treating you as their primary person? esp when y’all have shared debts, that’s so strange

Ok_Day_8559 −  NTA. Get an insurance policy on your husband that would be enough to pay off the mortgage. Make sure he knows about it and he can help pay for it. He is not looking out for you at all. I would also rethink him as the beneficiary of your estate. He doesn’t need it and he doesn’t care about your feelings.

Unhappy-Prune-9914 −  NTA – This is very concerning. If you can’t get through to him, talk to a financial planner about your options. Can you take out a life insurance policy on him?

Aggressive_Cattle320 −  NTA I have never, in my life, heard of a person not intending to pass everything on their their partner should they pass away! Your husband’s first priority is to his wife and his family. His life insurance money is for you to be able to pay down any debts you may accumulate throughout life.

Let him know you’re deeply uneasy and worried about what might occur if he dies before you. His brothers and sisters are capable of self-care. Life insurance exists to protect the spouse and shared property.

You are correct in your apprehension regarding this matter. I would insist that he modify the arrangement to designate you as his exclusive beneficiary, mirroring your designation of him. The inclusion of his siblings in the arrangement is quite peculiar.

plantprinses −  75% towards his siblings? That’s, honestly, crazy. The bare minimum he could do for you is to make sure the house is paid off, so that you will always have somewhere to live. You make good money now, but it’s not unthinkable that you might not be able to do that anymore, due to disease, injury or otherwise.

Okie Dokie: My spouse was employed in a respectable position until a car crash left him with a lasting disability. While I understand your husband’s desire to provide for his siblings, especially given your childless status, allocating 75% is excessively generous.

What a will accomplishes is ensuring your partner’s security, and his current will fails to adequately do so. It presumes an optimistic outcome rather than planning for the least favorable possibility for you, which should be the foundation. I understand they are his possessions.

It’s puzzling that he isn’t making better arrangements for you and seems reluctant to discuss it. Since he’s not looking out for your financial security, you need to do it yourself. This isn’t just about the money itself, but about the mutual care that should exist in a relationship, and he’s not fulfilling his part.

Reconsider your estate plan and consider including charitable organizations. If he believes you are financially secure enough to not require his funds, the same logic should apply to him, so donate everything. Organize your personal matters to ensure you can maintain your current residence and a reasonable quality of life. It seems you hold less significance for him than his siblings.

bluepvtstorm −  NTA and your spouse hates you. Think of it this way. Your spouse wants you to have nothing if he dies. He wants you to only have the trappings of a good life if he ha alive. He wants you to be worse off when he is dead.

He desires his siblings to experience an enhanced existence once he passes away. He intends for you to be left in financial ruin as a result of his demise. He is taking no measures to safeguard his partner and does not wish for you to receive an inheritance upon his death. You’ll be left begging or forced to liquidate your assets to survive. Your partner’s affection for you is not as strong as you perceive it to be. He is not a virtuous individual.

Is a spouse’s worry about the will a sign of trouble in the relationship, or is it reasonable for the higher-earning spouse to want to provide for their siblings? How should a couple navigate the balance between financial responsibilities and loyalty to family? Let us know what you think!