AITA for telling my husband he is either married to me or his co-worker?

A Reddit user shares their frustration about their husband’s overly helpful relationship with a co-worker who seems infatuated with him. After months of increasingly inappropriate behavior from the co-worker, the situation reached a boiling point when she called him at 2 AM for help. The user demanded her husband set boundaries, leading to a heated argument. Read the original story below:

‘ AITA for telling my husband he is either married to me or his co-worker?’

My husband (40m) has been employed as a maintenance supervisor at his company for the past decade. Approximately one year ago, Tabitha\* was hired to join their accounting team. From her very first day, she has been fixated on my (37f) husband, and her behavior is now crossing the line into unprofessionalism and impropriety.

The situation began when her office lost heating. My husband, in his role as supervisor, is responsible for delegating tasks to his team. However, this particular employee consistently expresses dissatisfaction with their output, despite my husband’s assessment that their work is excellent. Consequently, she insists that he personally attend to her office-related issues.

She constantly calls him on his work phone for mundane things (carpet is loose in a corner, loose s**ew on her coat hook) and he goes and fixes them without issue.
Last year when we went to the company Christmas party (pre-plague times) she was very flirty with him, constantly grabbed his hand.

Upon our introduction, she simply smirked in my direction, exclaimed, “Oh look, it’s Peter,” seized his hand, and departed. As we gathered around the table, she nearly dislodged me from my chair in her haste to sit beside him, prompting my husband to insist she yield my seat. She stormed off in indignation, and upon encountering me in the restroom, she forcefully brushed past me.

I recounted the incident to my husband, who dismissed it, claiming she meant no harm. I countered that her behavior was unacceptable, as she was clearly developing affections for him and behaving possessively. Over the past few weeks, her actions have escalated to an incredibly inappropriate degree.

She just bought a new home, and my spouse, along with some colleagues, assisted her with the relocation and assembly. He shared his direct mobile number with her, and she’s constantly been in touch, via calls and texts, requesting assistance. She frequently contacts him for support, several times each day, at any time, day or night.

At 2:00 AM last night, she phoned, complaining about heating malfunctions. My husband offered to inspect it post-work. I became distraught, forbidding him from going and insisting she engage a professional, like others do, emphasizing he isn’t her private repairman.

I made it perfectly clear to him that she was interested in him, but he’s too thick to notice. I explained that while it’s kind to assist now and then, she constantly contacts him, seeking assistance with tasks she’s capable of doing herself (such as relocating boxes or furniture) or could easily hire someone to handle.

I let him know that revealing his personal phone number was a boundary crossed, and it made me uneasy. He suggested it was a simple issue to resolve quickly, but I broke down and insisted he choose between me and the situation.

or united in matrimony with her, as I was unwilling to be marginalized within my own marital relationship. He asserts the absence of any amorous sentiments towards her and accuses me of exaggerating his desire to simply assist a companion. My perception diverges from his. Am I the one at fault?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

MamaFen −  You are NTA. Hubs, on the other hand, is a grade-A dyed-in-the-wool jackhole. ANY man who invalidates his wife’s concerns over behavior THIS blatant is either banging side-chick,

…or he’s at the very least relishing the spotlight, yet unwilling to acknowledge his enjoyment. Regardless, you’re justified in your stance, and if he doesn’t proactively distance himself from this woman, you’ll face some important choices.

HowardProject −  NTA – Your husband is either incredibly dense or he’s cheating on you and lying.

redheadedravenclaw −  NTA. Either your husband is extremely dense, or he is fully aware and is g**lighting you.. Whichever it is, it isn’t on.

[Reddit User] −  NTA it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t have feelings for her, she does for him and by her behavior it’s clear. She was blatantly okay with disrespecting you infront of him at a Christmas party.

She will probably take things further (as she has been), considering he is not establishing limits with her. You are not irrational, and he needs to treat you with respect as your husband. Your unease with the situation should suffice as the final word, and he needs to honor that.

WanderingWedding −  NTA the fact that he went over to her HOUSE and gave her his # AFTER she was rude to you and acting inappropriate says A LOT. It was clearly something you were uncomfortable with and it crossed a line. I think it’s appropriate to put your foot down.

DragonCelica −  NTA and stand firm on this, because I’ve been in your shoes. My husband was far too kind, and far too naive. His ingrained lack of self confidence (I hate his parents for that) made him think there was no way a certain coworker was interested in him.

The situation gradually intensified over approximately twelve months. One day, I noticed something at his job that triggered my concern. We had a conversation that evening, which was difficult. He was very reluctant to confront her, assuming the situation would resolve itself since he didn’t feel the same way.

I attempted to convey that a year hadn’t diminished the issue, but he didn’t recognize the potential risk I perceived in her. It marked our initial conversation where neither of us felt any resolution, yet the hour was late. Just as I was about to retire for the night, he entered, tossed his phone onto the bed, and uttered three words before preparing for bed: “You were right.”

I was so confused. Turns out, part of what I saw at his work that day was leading to her boiling point, and she sent a very long, broken-hearted message to him. There was a lot that concerned me, but one part really hit hard: She would have still loved him if he were hers and his face got burned, or he was handicapped. PEOPLE HAVE DONE THAT TO UNREQUITED LOVES

I refrained from saying “I told you so,” but I assured him of my support in navigating the issue moving forward. He arranged a discussion with his company, requesting my presence. The matter was successfully addressed and didn’t worsen beyond that initial communication. We were fortunate. My DMs are available if you need anything ❤

HauntofhighAFtower −  gurrrrrrrrrl her heat is not broken, there’s an altogether different reason hubs is going over there.

[Reddit User] −  NTA-But girl, he’s already made his choice. You shouldn’t have to be fighting for your husbands attention with this broad.. Your husband is not dense.
He’s okay with her behavior because he digs it.

He’s not concerned that you’re so upset you’re crying because he’s probably hoping you’ll reach your limit and leave, allowing him to be with her without any repercussions. Your husband is spineless, and you deserve someone better.

aquasaurex −  NTA. He had better stop going to her place before she decides she is jilted and gets him fired for s**ual harassment (going to her place and “bothering her”)

AnimaLumen −  NTA – flip the roles on him and ask him how he would feel if you had a male coworker who always flirted with you, who shoulder checked him when they were alone in a bathroom, and went out of his way to talk to you all the time.

How would he react if, after that man obviously showed his affection for you, you shared your number with him, only for him to constantly text and call you, pressuring you to visit and prepare meals, as well as assist with various household tasks usually reserved for a spouse?

How would he react if he approached you with concerns about someone, and instead of acknowledging his emotions, you dismissed them by saying he was exaggerating, and that the man was “harmless” and you were “just trying to help a friend,” especially when your husband is aware that the man has romantic feelings for you and consistently violates boundaries that make him uneasy?

If he remains oblivious to the inappropriateness of this scenario, your husband is a complete jerk and is possibly already unfaithful. Alternatively, he relishes the regard from his “work wife,” prioritizing it above your well-being and emotions.

In that situation, he can leave and marry her as you suggested. He is behaving more like a romantic partner than a friend, and I wouldn’t tolerate such behavior if I were in your position.

Is the original poster being too sensitive, or does she have a valid reason to be annoyed? What would your approach be if you were in a comparable situation where a colleague was overstepping personal limits? Let us know what you think in the comments.