AITA for divorcing my wife over her mom’s behavior?

A 28-year-old Reddit user recounts his choice to end his marriage with his wife, Megan, due to the domineering actions of her mother, Linda. Years of tolerance and attempts to understand the situation proved futile as Linda’s meddling consistently damaged the user’s bond with Megan.

The last drop was when Linda convinced Megan to disregard her husband and listen to her mom instead. The user feels controlled and can’t keep living with Linda’s constant stress. Now, he’s conflicted because their friends can’t agree on whether he did the right thing. See the complete story below.

‘ AITA for divorcing my wife over her mom’s behavior?’

I (28M) have been seeing my spouse, whom we’ll refer to as “Megan” (30F), for half a decade. We were together for four years before getting married a year ago. Our relationship has always been wonderful, but there’s a big problem that keeps causing friction: her mom.

Megan’s mother, whom we’ll refer to as “Linda,” exhibits extreme control and has consistently interfered in our relationship, regardless of my preferences. Initially, I attempted to empathize, attributing her actions to typical overprotective maternal instincts. However, as time passed, her behavior intensified.

Linda is always chipping away at my confidence. It could be those backhanded remarks about my job, judging my hobbies, or dictating what Megan should do in our relationship. She’s never short on opinions, offering them on everything from my wardrobe to my treatment of Megan.

They’re orchestrating almost the entirety of our wedding, excluding me from making any decisions while simultaneously anticipating us to cover all expenses. Initially, I attempted to dismiss it and permit Megan to manage the situation. However, Linda’s actions have recently become unacceptable.

Several months back, Megan and I discussed the possibility of cohabitating. Despite our marital status, her mother wouldn’t permit it. Linda was financing an apartment for Megan, a situation Megan previously accepted. However, she now spends more time at my place than in her apartment, a fact that eventually came to Linda’s attention.

She was terrified when Megan expressed her desire to live with me. She began contacting Megan daily, warning her that moving in with me was a terrible idea and would destroy her future. She even sent Megan articles arguing against premarital cohabitation and insisted that I was unworthy of her.

Megan then concluded that her mother’s advice was correct and that she preferred not to cohabitate with me, feeling it was a premature step. She expressed concern about drastically altering her life and ceasing visits to my home, affirming her continued affection but emphasizing her need for a more gradual pace.

That realization struck me with immense force. For years, I had been tolerant and empathetic, but it seemed as if I was perpetually battling a hidden presence – her mother – within our relationship. This made me question my worthiness for Megan, as if I was constantly being measured against Linda’s perfect vision for Megan’s future.

I grew weary of being controlled by an outsider to the connection. Following a lengthy discussion with Megan, during which I attempted to convey the extent to which her mother’s interference had eroded my faith in her,

I came to the painful conclusion that my marriage had to end. I explained to Megan that I couldn’t remain in a situation where her mother’s influence constantly loomed over our heads. She was heartbroken and pleaded with me to change my mind, insisting that I was exaggerating and that her mother would eventually give us space.

I couldn’t get rid of the thought that things would stay the same forever. Currently, our shared friends are divided. A few believe my actions were justified because I defended my position, but others feel I should have put in more effort to salvage the relationship.

Megan is still hurt, and I feel bad for causing her pain, but I also feel a sense of freedom now that I’m no longer dealing with her mother’s constant interference. So, am I the asshole for ending my marriage with Megan because of her mom’s actions?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Lucky-Effective-1564 −  NTA. She’s 30 and lets her mother decide everything for her. Why did you even bother marrying her? Get out now and tell her and her mother to get on with their lives together. Megan is a pathetic mommy’s girl.

Seriously, you’re already wed, so cohabitation is a non-starter – at what point would it even be permissible? Just picture a scenario where you two manage to stay together long enough for her to conceive! The chaos that would result is unimaginable.

DangerDog619 −  AI bs… Our friends are split… Some say… Others say…

TNJDude −  Um…. what? You said you’ve been married for a year but Linda says you shouldn’t move in together before marriage? Are you married? Does Linda know?

Why are you living apart after getting married? What made you decide to accept this situation? Ordinarily, I wouldn’t think you’re in the wrong, but it appears you allowed this to develop initially.

totallyconfused2000 −  As soon as I divorced my ex, her family tried to make my life a living hell. I was recovering a**oholic and didn’t need this in my life.

The further I moved on from our relationship, the weaker my urge to drink myself into oblivion became. Half a year after the separation, those feelings subsided completely, allowing me to transition towards a brighter future, free from alcohol.

dubh_righ −  If you’re married for a year, and still not living together because of her mom (and not something like “her mom is terminal and she lives with her mom to provide for her for now”), then you aren’t really in a marriage level relationship.

MyNameHere: I sympathize with you, buddy. This is awful. Megan has to get her act together immediately, or you need to bail. Don’t fall for the sunk cost trap – things won’t improve until Linda passes away.

Character-Dinner7123 −  Divorce is definitely for the best

theworldisonfire8377 −  NTA and you’re right, that vile woman would be lording over your life until she died. A 30-year-old can’t live with her own husband because Mommy says so??? How pathetic. Sounds like you were over-the-top patient waiting for her to come to her senses, and you bailed when you saw that things will never change.

I’d wager she’ll be single for a very, very long while since no one will want to be involved in that situation. I can’t fathom being so reliant on my mother at her age. They both require counseling, and it seems you were fortunate to escape that toxic relationship.

SonOfSchrute −  YTA for marrying this broad AND letting her mother decide you were going to live separately!  What kind of punk are you?

TwoBionicknees −  Oh no, the AI forgot he’d been married for a year in the middle and talked about moving in before marriage being bad.
this entire post makes no sense, supposedly haven’t lived with your partner but got married without your wife intending to move in,

Spent the entire five-year relationship dealing with issues with the mother but went ahead with the marriage anyway, chose not to cohabitate, and footed the bill for the wedding she desired, despite your reluctance… for undisclosed motivations.

Her friends would have broken ties with her, as they would view her as a complete idiot and loser because she continues to obey her mother and refuses to live with her husband. Likewise, your friends would have advised you to end this so-called marriage and relationship long ago, so the claim that friends are split is untrue.

No-Bus-5200 −  Megan is still upset. she doesn’t want to throw her life away completely and stop coming around to my house she said that she still loved me but just needed more time

Your circumstances were exceptionally strange. How can she ruin her existence when she is married, for goodness’ sake? A married woman cohabitating with her mother has significant issues. Giving precedence to her mother’s opinion over yours demonstrates disrespect and a lack of maturity.

3. Are the “friends” who disagree with the breakup also strange?
4. What is the purpose of surveying your friends?
5. Why should you value the opinions of your friends? Especially the strange ones…
6. NTA

Was the Reddit user justified in ending his marriage with Megan due to her mother’s interference, or should he have persevered in resolving their issues? How would you have approached this scenario? Please provide your insights and perspectives in the comments.