AITA for not tellling my brother that his stb ex wife will visit me with their son?

A user on Reddit is asking if they erred by not telling their brother that his future former wife and their child were coming to see them. The brother had ceased contact with his 4-year-old son for more than three months with no explanation, so the user consented to accommodate the mother and child for a visit.

When the brother unexpectedly saw his ex’s car in town and followed her to the house, he expressed hurt that he wasn’t informed of the visit, only to be told that he should take more responsibility for his relationship with his son. Now, the Redditor wonders if they were in the wrong for not reaching out. Read the full story below to explore this family conflict.

‘ AITA for not tellling my brother that his stb ex wife will visit me with their son?’

Following a four-year marriage, my brother and his soon-to-be ex-wife separated at the start of the year. Both parties contributed to the breakup. My brother had been spending weekends with his son until October, when he inexplicably ceased these visits.

Since my sister-in-law and nephew reside at a greater distance, our visits are infrequent. Consequently, when my brother ceased collecting his now 4-year-old son, our contact ceased entirely. During my nephew’s recent birthday, we arranged with my sister-in-law for her and her son to visit. After some time, we finally managed to meet today.

My sibling noticed my sister-in-law’s vehicle in our locality, assumed she was coming to see me, and began messaging both of us, even trailing her to my house. He entered and remained for approximately 20 minutes before departing without saying farewell. He later informed our mother, who had come to visit her grandson, that he felt slighted for not being informed.

where I perhaps should have been deemed the wrongdoer, because my brother questioned my failure to inform him, mentioning his desire to see his son as well. I countered by pointing out that he should proactively make it happen himself, something he hadn’t bothered to do in the last 13 weeks.

His soon-to-be ex-wife isn’t stopping visits or pick-ups. She simply wants advance notice, but he tends to arrive without warning.

Given that my brother, who’s six years my senior and with whom I’ve never been close, only reaches out when he wants something, unlike his regular visits to our sister and mother, am I wrong for not informing him about his son’s upcoming visit?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

aricyl −  NTA. If he isn’t willing to be consistent for his son? It is no wonder he wasn’t told. Children need consistency… He needs to sort things out and actually be there consistently for his son to begin to repair the damage he’s already done. This isn’t your fault and the mother knows this – that’s exactly why your nephew is still seeing you all but not him.

Bunny_Bixler99 −  “Bro: if you were actually involved in your son’s life, you’d know well in advance if relatives and friends are planning to see him.”. NTA 

KBD_in_PDX −  NTA he’s hurt that there’s nobody doing HIS JOB of facilitating visits with his child, and he wants to freeload off of the emotional labor you’re doing to keep in touch and coordinate visits with your nephew. That’s literally what this is.

Men frequently depend on women to handle family responsibilities, which is what he’s aiming for in this situation. He’s perfectly content to enjoy time with his son and present himself as an involved father, but without putting in the necessary effort to be genuinely involved.

StAlvis −  NTA. he’s hurt he wasn’t told. Yeah. Well.

1962Michael −  NTA. Your brother needs to grow up and abide by the parenting agreement. You want to see your nephew. SIL doesn’t want to be subjected to your brother’s whims.

Lann42016 −  NTA it’s not your fault he’s a dead beat l**er.

SavingsRhubarb8746 −  NTA. He had plenty of opportunities to see his son, and didn’t take them. He doesn’t get to demand that he piggy-back his visits on yours.

Florarochafragoso −  Nta. You and your parents should continue to make the effort to be in your nephews life but you are not responsible for your brothers relationship with his son a he needs to stop being a deadbeat and talk to his kid.

wlfwrtr −  NTA If brother bothered visiting you or his son he probably would’ve been told they were coming to town. You’re not responsible for his irresponsibility.

Individual_Metal_983 −  NTA he is responsible for maintaining the relationship with his child. As he is so disengaged, please do keep trying to be in your nephew’s life.

Do you think the Redditor was right to leave the responsibility of maintaining the father-son relationship with their brother, or should they have informed him out of courtesy? How would you handle family dynamics when a relative isn’t stepping up to their responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!