AITA for wanting my husband to apologize even though he had a bad day?

A woman on Reddit recounted a disagreement with her spouse, who habitually begins watching television programs without her, fully aware that this irritates her. Following a day of considerable stress for him, marked by worries about his father’s operation and professional demands, he repeated the offense, which led to a dispute. She thinks she deserves an apology, but her husband thinks his difficult day justifies his behavior. The complete account is provided below for readers to assess who was at fault.

‘ AITA for wanting my husband to apologize even though he had a bad day?’

My (34f) husband (42m) has repeatedly done something that bothers me: I’ll be in the process of preparing for bed—changing clothes, making a snack, etc.—and he’ll begin playing our show, causing me to miss about 10–15 minutes of the episode.

It’s incredibly frustrating, and despite my repeated complaints about his inconsiderate behavior (which I never reciprocate), it continues. The last incident caused a significant argument, and he reacted, seemingly annoyed that I was upset, claiming I “should know he would never intentionally hurt me.”

His father underwent surgery yesterday, which is relevant. They struggled to keep his blood pressure steady, and I asked my spouse whether we ought to visit him. He responded casually, claiming he didn’t believe it was a big concern.

Later that evening, he was glued to the TV once more. I still had on my work attire, my dinner was only partially heated, and I hadn’t even prepared a beverage. Annoyed, I ceased my activity and fixed my gaze upon him until he noticed. I questioned, “Are you seriously doing this again?” He attempted to cease and apologized, but I simply retreated to the bedroom to regain my composure.

Later that evening, he arrived home. He offered no apology, immediately launching into a description of it being his most hectic workday since he began this job, adding that his mother’s calls filled him with dread, anticipating news of his father’s passing. Naturally, this stirred my sympathy. Yet, I maintained my silence because, in my view,

That doesn’t justify your lack of consideration regarding a recurring topic of discussion, and secondly, avoid exaggerating now, especially since you initially dismissed its significance.

He became angry when I didn’t reply, making a display of his frustration as he left the room. I shouted after him that he should have begun with an apology instead of attempting to manipulate me into overlooking the issue. He was infuriated by my suggestion that he was being manipulative and has not spoken to me since. It has been more than a day.

Knowing that he was likely experiencing stress related to his father and a difficult day at work, it’s important to note that this issue has been persistent, and none of those factors appeared to matter until I became distressed. Am I the Asshole?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Incogn1toMosqu1to −  This is what m**ipulative people do when their attempts to groom you failed. This is not a big deal, so the fact that he not only hasn’t listened but also gets defensive shows that he cares not for your feelings. It’s bigger than just turning a tv show on, but I can tell you don’t want to hear that.. NTA.

Purple-Gap2522 −  The first time you do something that irritates your partner, it’s new information to you, and it’s fair to get a pass. The second time, it might be forgetful. After that, it’s inconsiderate and gets steadily worse from there. It doesn’t matter if he did it “intending” to upset you or not. He did it knowing it would upset you. Full stop.

shontsu −  Look, I don’t know how you guys watch TV together. In my household, we sit in chairs in front of the TV. We do this thing where we wait until everyone who’s watching is seated before we press play. If for instance my wife is still preparing her dinner, but is ok with us starting without her, she’ll call out “its ok, you can play” and we will.

Perhaps your experience varies. It’s possible you’re accustomed to viewing television while near a humming microwave in the kitchen, and he finds it difficult to grasp the distinction between waiting in the kitchen for the microwave to stop *before* watching the program and waiting in the kitchen for the microwave to stop *while* watching the program.

He almost certainly is aware that you aren’t prepared to view the program alongside him but proceeds to start it regardless, for reasons known only to him. He’s also aware that you have an issue with him doing this, yet he continues to do it. You are NTA. The fact that you had a difficult day does not justify his behavior, nor does it account for all the previous instances when he behaved similarly.

derrymaine14 −  He’ IS being inconsiderable and m**ipulative.  Stand your ground. And take measures. This can go downhill easily for you. Do something to save yourself from years of tiptoeing and suppression.  Obviously NTA

Imaginary_Poetry_233 −  He’s just trying to get you to a permanent level of tolerable unhappiness. That is to say, he’ll be as s**tty as he can be while you ‘work on the marriage’. The ‘good times’ will be when you don’t ‘rock the boat’. Explaining your feelings won’t work, because he doesn’t care.

Why would he interrupt a program for a household item? NTA, although I’m tired of how commonplace it has become to treat women as less than human, to the point that they condone it and even hold themselves accountable.

RivSilver −  NTA is an ongoing issue, he knows you don’t like it, and he does it anyway. That means that your feelings about it aren’t important enough for him to do anything to prevent you feeling bad.

I’m capable of refraining from actions that I’m aware bother those I care about, even when under pressure or experiencing a difficult day, simply because I value them. Causing distress to others doesn’t improve my mood. Claiming “I had a bad day” is not a valid justification, regardless of how frequently men lacking emotional control attempt to use it as such.

OkDragonfly4098 −  Why not rewind it when you sit down to watch? That will be annoying enough for him, he’ll probably cut it out.

GhostPantherAssualt −  NTA. Husband is in charge of his own feelings and his actions regardless of whatever the hell he’s doing. I’ve been through funerals and my father in the hospital twice and I didn’t go nuts to my then-girlfriend at the time.

The guy needs to mature since his behavior has repercussions no matter the day. He’s stressed, which we understand, but that doesn’t excuse his inconsiderate actions.

thoracicbunk −  NTA. He is repeatedly telling you he does not care about what you want. He is unwilling to endure mild inconvenience or temporarily delaying his own pleasure so you can participate and have your own joy. If you dare to speak up against his selfish behavior, he doubles down by punishing you with further defensiveness and sulking.

Let’s face it. Is this selfish conduct and defensive attitude exclusive to this situation in your relationship? In what other, more crucial, circumstances are your desires consistently disregarded by him? Best of luck.

pristine_vida −  Turn it off 10-15 minutes before the end…

Was the wife right to expect an apology, considering her husband’s tough day, or should she have been more understanding given the situation? How would you deal with repeated annoyances in a relationship? I’m interested in your opinions!