AITAH for telling my husband I don’t want his mom in the delivery room?

A woman, 35 weeks into her pregnancy, is in a tough spot because her mother-in-law is determined to be in the delivery room. This goes against the pregnant woman’s desire for a private experience. The mother-in-law is using “tradition” as her reason and has already prepared a bag for the hospital, assuming she’ll be there. At first, the woman’s husband was on her side, but his mother’s emotional manipulation is creating conflict. Now, the mother-in-law is accusing her of being controlling for establishing limits. The central issue is whether this expectant mother is wrong to want a peaceful and protected environment while she’s in labor and giving birth.

‘ AITAH for telling my husband I don’t want his mom in the delivery room?’

I’m 35 weeks along with my first baby, and my mother-in-law is beginning to cause friction. She’s been insisting that it’s customary for her to be present at the delivery, as she was with her other grandchildren. She’s even begun to presume she’ll be in the delivery room with my husband and me. I’ve always envisioned a quiet, intimate experience with just the two of us. I communicated this to my husband, who initially agreed. However, his mother has been pressuring him, arguing that she has a right to be there since it’s her grandchild and she played a role in his birth.

She arrived the previous week, hospital bag in tow, all set. I politely informed her that I only wanted my husband present. She became emotional and tearful, claiming I was depriving her of a significant experience.

My partner is caught in the crossfire. He understands my perspective but is also concerned about disappointing his mother. He even inquired if I would permit her to be present during the initial stages of labor, which I declined. I require a calm environment and don’t want to be preoccupied with her feelings while I’m in labor. She’s been gossiping about me to other family members, labeling me as manipulative. My partner suggests I should rethink my decision to maintain family harmony, but I believe it’s essential to establish limits. Am I the unreasonable one?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

wakingdreamland −  Tell your lousy, cowardly doormat of a husband that if he keeps pestering you about how mommy should be there, *he* won’t be in the room either. Childbirth is not a spectator sport and the *only* view that matters is that if the person undergoing a messy, scary medical procedure. That’s you. Everyone else can f**k off, including your husband. Better to give birth alone than with people who will stress you out. NTA, but MIL and AH Husband sure are.

iDontGetCute92 −  NTA. Your delivery, your baby, your choice. I would – to be safe – make the hospital aware of who you want in the room with you. If she does turn up (I assume she will) they’ll refuse her entry, and you won’t have to deal with having to kick her out, or have any stressful interaction during labour. Her comment of helping bring your grandchild into the world, is wild! Sharing DNA and being physically involved in your grandchild being conceived are two VASTLY different things.

Your_Daddy_1972 −  NTA. Your husband needs to remove himself from “the middle” and be firmly on your side for this. He’s as much(if not more)of the problem for even entertaining her tantrum when you’ve expressly stated your wishes for when the time comes Child birth is stressful enough without having the added burden of someone else trying to hijack YOUR TIME.

themcp −  NTA. Why do we get one of these posts every couple weeks about a MIL who demands to be in the delivery room? What is it with current MILs that they don’t understand anything about boundaries?

dgf2020 −  NTA. Child birth is not a family fun time experience. It’s child birth, it’s painful and dangerous. You need to be prioritized here and his mom needs to learn her place in all of it and respect it. Enforce your boundaries now with your husband or this will just be a series of upsetting situations when she’s next telling you how to raise your kid and your husband will be still unsure if his own umbilical cord was ever cut.

The user said she was instrumental in his birth. It’s a strange and unsettling thing for a grandmother to say. Time to set some limits. After further reflection, she seems like the kind to try and enter the room unnoticed. Inform the medical staff who has permission and who doesn’t; they are very good at ensuring the appropriate people are present and keeping others out. I believe they would defend a birthing mother against anyone if necessary. Make sure they are aware.

BeautifulParamedic55 −  NTA. First and foremost it is a MEDICAL procedure. YOU are the only one who gets to decide who your support people are. Boy needs to man up otherwise this wont be the only thing she tries to steamroll.

Timely-Second2457 −  NTA, tell the hospital ASAP about who it allowed in the room. Those nurses will make sure your wishes are granted. She can be in the waiting room. You can throw my mom won’t even be there so your mom doesn’t get any special treatment.

LibrarianNeat1999 −  Funny how these limp d**k husbands can’t offend mommy but have no problem offending their actual wives.

AmberLila76 −  NTA. It’s your delivery, and you have the right to set boundaries. Your comfort matters most, and your husband should support that. Your MIL can meet the baby afterward.

writing_mm_romance −  Easy, if he puts the slightest pressure on you tell him he can keep his mother company in the waiting room.