My mother doesn’t like me

A 19-year-old woman on Reddit recounted the upsetting experience of enduring relentless criticism about her weight from her family, particularly her mother and sister, despite her battle with hypothyroidism and a past filled with disparaging remarks about her body.

She was striving for self-acceptance, but an encounter with her mother resulted in profound feelings of being unwanted. She is now grappling with the upsetting understanding that her mother might never embrace her true self. The complete account is available below, detailing how she is coping with this emotional hardship.

‘ My mother doesn’t like me ‘

I’m a 19-year-old female, and my family has always made me feel bad about my weight. I know I’m overweight, but they exaggerate how big I actually am. My mom and older sister are the worst offenders.

My sister’s attractive appearance frequently allows her to avoid consequences for her challenging conduct. My mother was constantly concerned that I would never be attractive to men, often remarking, “It’s a pity. Your face is lovely, but you’d be far more beautiful if you lost weight.”

Being subjected to these sorts of negative remarks from the age of 8 has had a profound effect on me. I have developed the conviction that I am physically undesirable and incapable of inspiring sincere affection in any man. Even compliments on my appearance fail to register as genuine. I constantly reassure myself that while I might be acceptable, I am certainly not beautiful.

My mom has consistently characterized me as intelligent and well-behaved; however, she’s never considered me beautiful. In her eyes, my weight is the dominant factor. I just went to the physician for a regular exam and found out I have hypothyroidism.

All at once, it clicked: my sadness, my persistent tiredness, and my struggle with weight loss. However, my family was not sympathetic. I recall eating a basic spinach lasagna when my sister erupted, yelling, “You’re not supposed to have that! It’s forbidden for you.”

I was livid. My entire existence, they’ve acted as if I’ve perpetrated some heinous crime merely by inhabiting this form. I retorted, “And why shouldn’t I? You consumed an even larger quantity than I did.” She scoffed and retorted, “Unlike you, I’m not overweight. I’m simply trying to show concern for your well-being.”

That was the moment I couldn’t take it anymore. I said to her, “I like myself as I am. Can’t you just accept me and love me for it?” She stared at me as if I had said the most unbelievable thing. Afterward, she told my mother about what happened.

Shortly after that, my mother noticed I had made myself two eggs for breakfast and proceeded to berate me, calling me an “ungrateful b**t” for not being thankful for the salads she packed for me, the diets she forced upon me, and her so-called attempts to make me “beautiful.” I had reached my limit.

“Why is it,” I asked, “that every time I consume food, you initiate this discussion and make me feel nauseous to the point of vomiting?” Her response struck me deeply: “Because the sight of you repulses me.” Those words validated all my anxieties. My own mother, the woman who bore me, found me repulsive.

I gave a quiet nod, put down my fork, and retreated to my room, where tears streamed down my face. The strange thing is, despite their constant negativity, I’ve usually been okay with who I am. I’ve felt at peace in my own skin, even though it wasn’t what they considered ideal. But on that particular day, everything shifted.

Following that, my sister provided me with a restrictive eating regimen, which I began to adhere to. My motivation wasn’t a personal desire, but rather a sense of emptiness brought on by their comments. For the last three weeks, my meals have consisted exclusively of cooked chicken, greens, and eggs. I’ve eliminated bread, desserts, and even items like takeout, which I rarely consumed before.

I struggle to even glance at food without my stomach twisting in anxiety, yet shedding pounds feels impossible. But it’s more profound than mere weight; it’s the crushing awareness that my own mother’s affection for me pales in comparison to what she feels for my siblings, all because of my size. This is the persistent, tormenting thought that shadows my every moment.

I’m a dedicated individual, balancing my studies with employment and allocating my entire paycheck to support our household. My brothers and sisters haven’t made similar sacrifices. I feel overburdened, in very real ways, yet my efforts go largely unnoticed. Ultimately, none of it seems to matter. In my mother’s eyes, I consistently fall short of her expectations and always will, simply because of my weight.

Check out how the community responded:

Spoedi-Probes −  NTA. Its hard to say but unfortunately your mother doesn’t love you because you are fat, she just doesn’t love you.
She would have some other reason to express her lack of love. Sit your mother down and say that as both her and your sister hate you being fat.

Your goal is to slim down, which necessitates joining a gym, an expense you can’t afford. Consequently, you won’t be able to contribute financially to the household from now on.

Your sister is able to address the budget discrepancy, and given your need for specific dietary items to aid in weight loss, she can cover those costs too. Embrace self-love, especially since your mother and sister do not. Furthermore, many men are attracted to women who are not extremely thin.

No_Cod3515 −  NTA – Your mom and sister are straight up toxic and a**sive about your weight. Your body, your rules. Having hypothyroidism makes it extra tough, and they’re being jerks about it. You’re crushing it with college and work. Their behavior shows their issues, not yours. Don’t let them wreck your self-worth. You’re perfect as you are.

Fickle_Toe1724 −  NTA. Your mother and sister are cruel. You need to get away from them. Keep your paycheck for yourself. Save all you can. Mom and sis want you on this diet? They can pay for the food. Save all you can, so you can move out sooner. You should not give your family any of your income. You do not pay people to be cruel to you.

Seek dietary guidance from your physician. Ensure you receive it documented. Adhere to the physician’s recommendations. Distance yourself from your mother and sibling promptly. This grandmother expresses pride in your achievements. Best wishes.

Striking-Package3190 −  This was so tough to read, as someone who has been in the same position, constantly being harassed just for being overweight, I feel your pain and want to let you know you are NEVER the AH.

The issue stems from your mother and sister’s behavior. Their constant berating about your weight is totally inappropriate, and it’s awful that their bullying is affecting you.

I would reflect their behavior back at them, suggesting they seek therapy, highlighting that ‘you are repulsed by their treatment of you’. I would immediately cease contributing to the family expenses, as they forfeit your assistance if they fail to acknowledge your worth and limits. Put an immediate stop to that behavior the moment they resume.

I admire your ability to be content with yourself, despite others perceiving you as imperfect. It’s incredibly liberating to accept yourself as you are, and don’t allow anyone else’s expectations for your life to control you! Remain resilient and begin putting money aside so you can relocate!

Mccampb −  Please stop the diet – I was you 15 years ago and wish I had someone to tell me this: Extreme diets can cause internal stress leading to chronic pain and/or psychological distress every time you eat.

Don’t compromise your future for the sake of these awful individuals. The opinions of your mother and sisters are worthless, and you should dismiss them just as they dismiss you.

Temporary_Alfalfa686 −  Nta you are being abused, you need to get out.

cinekat −  NTA. I developed disordered eating due to my mum’s fixation on me having to be stick thin to get a man to love me. Luckily over the years I developed strong friendships, had some therapy and learned through experience that partners don’t kick you out of bed because they can’t use your ribs for xylophones.

You are okay. Well-being manifests diversely in physique and stature. Prioritize your welfare and self-care, and endeavor to disregard those who deflect their personal vulnerabilities onto you.

Orsombre −  Move out as soon as you can, and cut ties with them. They are abusing you, and you have enough on your plate between your lack of self-esteem (no thanks to them) and your health issue. You need to try treatments, and find a good therapist to learn to stand for yourself.

Sadly, some women shouldn’t be mothers, and it seems your mother is one of them. Her behavior is toxic, and you don’t warrant the mistreatment from her or the unkindness from your sister. Your weight is simply an excuse they use to rationalize their abusive actions. They’re terrible individuals. Cease assisting them and cut off contact.

NoBigEEE −  Stop eating the diet your sister sent you. Eat a healthy, balanced diet – maybe something you and your doctor agree on. Your mom and sister have warped views of body image and dysfunctional ideas of what makes a good and attractive woman.

Limit your interactions with them and prioritize being around individuals who appreciate you for your authentic self. Don’t allow them to distort your self-perception. Regrettably, family members sometimes inflict the deepest wounds.

lovescarats −  Move out and take your income with you. Be well, and find joy.

Is the user right to feel overwhelmed by her family’s rigid demands, or should she consider that their intentions are rooted in love? If you were in a similar position, feeling criticized and without familial support, what would your course of action be? Let us know your perspective!