AITAH for leaving my husband at the mall because he couldn’t stop playing his dumb mobile game?

A woman, age 30, expressed her annoyance after a shopping trip with her 32-year-old spouse, whose current fixation is a game on his phone. While they were at the mall to find a present for her mother’s birthday, he was glued to his game and didn’t pay attention to her for a long period, even though she tried to engage him and stay on schedule.

Tired of being disregarded, she ultimately abandoned him at the shopping center. Upon his return, he was enraged and blamed her for deserting him, leading her to wonder whether she had overreacted. Was her decision to leave him justified? More information is available below.

‘ AITAH for leaving my husband at the mall because he couldn’t stop playing his dumb mobile game?’

I’m genuinely starting to believe I’m going crazy because of what I’m about to share. Last weekend, my husband (32M) and I (30F) decided to visit the mall to find a birthday present for my mother. I was under the impression that this would be a pleasant shared experience, but it ended up being the most irritating day I’ve ever had.

My spouse has lately developed a real fixation with a certain game for his phone. I’m not even sure of the title—it involves dragons or fortresses or something—but he’s constantly fixated on his phone. He used to scoff at individuals who were into mobile games, and now he is practically one of those who cannot take their eyes off their screens for even five minutes.

Upon our arrival at the shopping center, he promptly declared he required a brief “moment” to wrap up his gaming session. I acquiesced, suggesting I would browse a couple of shops and then return. Twenty minutes elapsed, and I located him precisely where I had left him—perched on a bench, thoroughly engrossed in his game, completely unaware of his surroundings. I inquired if he was prepared to leave, to which he responded, “Just one more round.” He made no effort to look at me. He didn’t even seem to notice I was present.

I was irritated but doing my best to remain composed. I informed him that I would continue browsing and return later. After another 45 minutes, I sent him a text message to inquire whether he was prepared to depart. His reply? “Just a moment, I’m nearly finished.” Nearly finished?! It has already been more than an hour!

I returned to his side, and I swear, he remained in the same spot, fixated on his phone like a creature from a shopping center. I informed him that I had finished and was prepared to depart. He dismissed me with a gesture, never raising his gaze. Therefore, I stated, “Okay, I’m going,” and then I simply…departed.

Here’s where things took a turn for the worse. Once I arrived home, I began to doubt myself and felt that perhaps my reaction was excessive. However, a mere THREE HOURS later, he barges into the house, filled with rage. It seems he had to endure two bus rides to get home, claiming that “I left him without a ride.” He proceeded to label me as “selfish” and “immature,” and accused me of having “publicly shamed him.”

I lost it. I accused him of embarrassing me by giving me the cold shoulder all day, glued to his phone like an immature kid. He retorted that I should have been more patient and that my reaction was unwarranted. Now, he’s barely acknowledging me, moping around the house as if I’ve done something terrible. Was I expected to just sit there and watch him stare at his phone for hours? Am I wrong here? AITAH?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Inevitable_Koala6543 −  You humiliated him in public? What did he do when he found out you were gone? Tell everyone my wife left me stranded because I couldn’t stop playing a game? Please!

Critical_Bar_7339 −  NTA. Maybe he needs therapy for his video game addiction but you’re certainly not obliged to deal with it. He’s learned the consequences of his own actions

Mother_Search3350 −  He FAFO.. Keep leaving him and just not entertaining the BS.  If you have plans and have agreed to leave at a particular time, if he is glued to his phone, get in your car and leave him behind.
If you want to go for a meal and he is glued to his phone, leave him behind and go and enjoy the meal.

If he doesn’t get a grip and understand that you’re done tolerating his ridiculous habit, then he’ll have to accept being abandoned at the mall and missing out on family events, outings with friends, and your children’s school performances, if you have any. NTAH.

Dientooltaida1 −  I don’t think you overreacted at all. He ignored you for hours, and you made a choice to leave when he wasn’t being considerate. He should’ve respected your time too.

Orphen_1989 −  NTA. Let me guess, he didn’t call you because his battery ran out? Honestly, he’s a grown man. He can get home from the mall by himself. Not sure how that is humiliating for him? I mean if you started shouting at him to put his phone down like he’s some teenager, now that would be humiliating. And I think that was your only other option. So I think you picked the right option for both of you.

boogiemines −  This really tracks for me as I was the one who became heavily involved in a castles-and-dragons mobile game in a problematic way to the irritation of my partner.

OP, first of all, you are NTA. Your partner is letting his ~interest~ o**ession with the game affect your relationship. Leaving him at the mall should absolutely have been a wake-up call, but that doesn’t seem to have landed for him.
It’s time for a more serious intervention, but this needs to be communication; a serious talk where you explain how his game-playing is affecting you.

This is typical intervention advice for those struggling with addiction, and there are likely more comprehensive guides available than what I can offer here. However, I suggest carefully planning what you intend to communicate, steering clear of terms like “addiction” or “o**ession,” and instead, concentrate on articulating how his actions have impacted you. Based on my personal encounters, anticipate the following:

•  He has spent money on this game. I spent a few thousand dollars over the course of maybe 16 months playing the game. It seems stupid to me now, but this kind of behaviour is totally rationalized in whatever community is attached to this game.
  
•  He may have made genuine friendships with other players, and feels like he can’t let them down by not being there for teammates (depending on how the game works). If this is the case, it may seem silly to you, but it’s helpful if you try to genuinely understand his experience. It doesn’t excuse his actions, but you’ll get a lot more traction if you can deploy some seductive empathy here.

Secure-Cranberry1913 −  Bad bot!

7sensesuk −  NTA, the more you show him you don’t tolerate this the better. Don’t let him win arguments like these. It’s best to tell him that when you are together, he is not to play on his phone, otherwise he can forget quality time with you PERIOD.

Initial-Shop-8863 −  NTA. He didn’t want to be interrupted while he played his game. You didn’t interrupt him. He found his own way home. And score! He could keep playing on the bus. You honored his priority. What’s the problem?

Fabulous-Shallot1413 −  Ok 1- Had he put his game down long enough to get an uber there would have been no bus. Had he put it down long enough to call you and ask where you are, there would have been no problem.

I’d like to pose a question to him: How often did I inquire about your readiness? How many times did I return to urge you to leave? What duration is deemed reasonable to remain idle while awaiting someone who refuses to communicate and repeatedly requests “one more game”?

Convey this message to him: In the future, I will simply seize your phone from your grasp, as if dealing with a child, to prevent you from needing to rely on public transportation. Had he behaved like an adult instead of a fifteen-year-old, he would not have been abandoned. This is not attributable to you.