AITAH for refusing to go to my wife’s family vacation because she didn’t consult me before booking it?

A user on Reddit is in a disagreement with their spouse because she scheduled a family getaway for a week without discussing it with them beforehand. The vacation conflicts with an important assignment at work, and while the wife feels pained and annoyed, she’s calling the user self-centered.

The user believes they have a good reason to decline the invitation. The situation has become strained, as friends are pressuring the user to attend solely to prevent disagreements. More details are provided in the complete account below.

‘ AITAH for refusing to go to my wife’s family vacation because she didn’t consult me before booking it?’

I’m a 35-year-old male, and my wife, Jenna, is 33. We’ve been a couple for six years. Not long ago, she caught me off guard by revealing that she’d arranged a week’s holiday for the two of us with her family – her mom, dad, brothers, sisters, and their children. She seemed really happy about it and mentioned she’d taken care of all the details, including where we’re going, when, and how much we need to pay.

The real issue is that she didn’t discuss it with me beforehand. My job is quite intense, so I need to schedule my time off carefully. The dates she chose interfere with a major project at my workplace, and I’m uneasy about being absent during such an important period. Furthermore, I’m annoyed that she simply presumed I would agree to everything without consulting me.

Upon informing her of my inability to attend and giving my reasons, she became angry. She accused me of “selfishness” and claimed that I “never make her family a priority.” She emphasized the significance of the trip, stating that such family gatherings are infrequent and that she had anticipated a bonding experience for everyone.

I said that I get it, but it’s not right to schedule things without talking to me first. Now she’s mad and saying I don’t care about her or her family. I think I have a good reason for not wanting to go, but she’s making me feel bad about it.

I’m being told by some friends to compromise for the sake of harmony, but I’m holding my ground because she should have talked it over with me beforehand. So, am I the AH for declining to attend my wife’s family trip since she booked it without my input?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

LittleOldNobody −  NTA. You’ve got responsibilities and she doesn’t see them. I hope you’ll get her to realize that without getting into a fight though!

UnfairEntrance159 −  NTA. Your wife doesn’t seem to understand that people can’t just leave their responsibilities at any time they please.

Zealousideal_Till683 −   Some friends are saying I should “just make it work” to keep the peace. All the tell-tale phrasing of a fake AI story.

SnowiceDawn −  According to zerogpt, this story is 100% AI generated lol.

Flat-Description4853 −  def chatgpt, good one.

Adventurous-Smile251 −  NTA this is the pot calling the kettle black. She said you’re selfish and don’t prioritise her family, she has just done that exact thing to you. She has been completely selfish in booking it without talking to you and she clearly doesn’t care about your very valid commitments.

Sensitive-Ad-5406 −  Does every single person on here have meddling, moronic friends and family? I don’t believe this is real, but just in case it is: you married a dumb, selfish, entitled princess

_s1m0n_s3z −  NTA. She fucked up. It is possible that she assumed that you would \*never\* find it convenient to spend time with her family and did it deliberately, but the method she chose for forcing your hand cannot be condoned.. This may affect your marriage.

Absent_Picnic −  In our house we have to plan leave 18mo ahead because of my husband’s job. We cannot do short notice trips.. So no, you’re NTA. Let her go and have the holiday with her family and enjoy it. Then, use your time off to both do something you want to do.

wfhchamp −  NTA coming from another project manager. But it does sound like your wife was trying to do something she thought you’d all enjoy- but just didn’t consider your schedule and importance of the dates.

Does your spouse grasp what project work entails? Perhaps a relaxed conversation where you clarify that your work doesn’t follow a regular schedule would be helpful. Furthermore, if there are important deadlines and tasks, consider putting those dates on a shared family calendar for her to consult when making plans. (Google Calendar is excellent for this).

Perhaps you could find some middle ground by taking a few days of leave or working remotely when necessary? Managing substantial projects can be demanding as you approach crucial deadlines, but with a bit of ingenuity, you can still carve out some time.

As a project manager, I navigate this existence every day, compounded by a partner in a management role operating on a monthly timeline defined by crucial deadlines, alongside the demands of raising two children. Structuring and coordinating our home life necessitates a commitment akin to that required for my professional project planning.

We both have a duty to communicate important dates, and our eldest, who is currently in high school, is also in charge of recording their major engagements. Over the years, I’ve taken numerous trips with just one parent and the children because that was the only way we could manage it.

Some trips involved only one parent or a portion of the family. On occasion, I need to do a little remote work; however, I still take advantage of the rest of the vacation. Ultimately, it depends on your attitude, and you need to actively seek out ways to make it successful.

Is the user right to decline the trip because of job duties, or should they have given more weight to the family vacation to avoid conflict? How would you handle this scenario personally? Comment below with your opinions!