WIBTA if I continue calling my MIL after my SIL asked me to call her Mrs. [last name] 3 years into my marriage?

A person on Reddit recounts how her husband’s sister told her to begin addressing her mother-in-law as Mrs. [last name], even though she’s been using her first name for the past three years. This request followed a completely separate argument between the Reddit user and her sister-in-law, leaving her both bewildered and irritated.

The user on Reddit wonders if it would be impolite to keep addressing her mother-in-law by her given name, even though her MIL has never asked her to do otherwise and they have a warm connection. Read the complete story that follows…

‘ WIBTA if I continue calling my MIL after my SIL asked me to call her Mrs. [last name] 3 years into my marriage?’

My sister-in-law, my spouse, and I had a difference of opinion on a completely separate issue. As we worked through it, we each inquired about areas for personal improvement. I anticipated her answer would pertain to the specific disagreement. However, she suggested I address her mother, my mother-in-law, formally as Mrs. [last name], even though I’ve been married for three years and have always used her first name.

User123: My spouse and mother-in-law have never specified what I should call her, nor have they ever rectified my address to her in all the years I’ve known them. I’m puzzled as to why my sister-in-law believes she has the authority to make such a request. It strikes me as a dominance move on her side, and I’m unwilling to alter my method of addressing my mother-in-law, especially since she hasn’t requested it. While I’m aware that I have the option to discuss this with my mother-in-law, I’d rather not, considering the length of time that has passed.

Honestly, considering all my mother-in-law and I have experienced, I’m unwilling to call her Mrs. [last name]. My spouse and I shared her home for a year while navigating serious health challenges, offering mutual support. This request from my sister-in-law feels like a personal insult. Would I be wrong to continue using her given name and disregard my sister-in-law’s comment? Thanks in advance.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

DisneyBuckeye −  NTA and I would bring it up to MIL. “Hey, I was talking to SIL the other day, and she said I should be calling you Mrs. Jones. I know I’ve always called you Jill, and it occurred to me that I never asked you how you’d like me to refer to you. Is it okay that I call you Jill?”. You never know, she might ask you to call her mom or something. But most likely, she’ll respond that of course you should call her Jill.

PrettyLittlePoisonx −  NTA. I imagine your MIL, that you lived with, can speak for herself. Further, if she had demanded this at any point, you probably wouldn’t have lived with her or helped take care of each other. SIL is on a weird power trip and needs to touch some grass.

overnumerousness9 −  Your SIL is really weird. Even in a very formal family, you stop calling your husband’s mother “Mrs. smith” when you get married. Because even if you didn’t change your name, YOU are now “Mrs. Smith”.

similar_name4489 −  NTA if MIL hasn’t had an issue with it, SIL is a j**k. I would simply tell SIL that if MIL has an issue with it then she can talk with you directly. 

Apart-Ad-6518 −  NTA. This is some out of left field, obscure power play by your SIL. Ignore her & do as you’ve always done. If there was an issue It sounds as though your MIL would feel comfortable to bring it up. If SIL keeps it up your husband needs to speak to her.

tokoloshe62 −  Tbh, if this is going to worry you, speak to your MIL (f2f, not on text): “Hey, so, SIL mentioned to me something about calling you by your first name. You mean a lot to me so I wanted to check in with you if it has been bothering you or if you’d rather me call your something else”. Your SIL has no right to request this; it would only be something if your MIL wanted it.

Renbarre −  Call your SIL Mrs what’s her name.

Number-2-Sis −  NTA…. sounds like your sister in law is jealous of the closeness you share with MIL and is trying to put distance in between you, because after three years suddenly calling her Mrs. *** is bound to make MIL feel like something happened to cause the sudden change… Speak to MIL and ask what she prefers. It would be awesome if she told you to just call her Mom. SIL will loose her S**t if that happens.

Wrong-Sink7767 −  “I’m Mrs. Last name too, so no”.

Somuchallthetime −  This is wild. What you call your mil is between you and her NOT your sil. Also if you changed your last name, aren’t you both “Mrs. Name”? You and mil should just call eachother “Mrs. Name” make it an extra connection you have. Please pass the peas Mrs. Jones, oh thank you Mrs. Jones.