AITA for telling my wife it is time she went back to work?
Marriage is about partnership, but what happens when one person carries all the weight? OP (37M) has been working 84-hour weeks since his wife (36F) had a mental breakdown in 2018 and quit her job as a teacher. While he initially supported her recovery, five years later, she still refuses to work, claiming her therapist says she’s not ready.
OP has suggested marital therapy, but his ideas—moving to a smaller home, reducing his hours, or acquiring culinary skills to lessen their money problems—have all been dismissed. When he raised the subject once more, his wife charged him with being manipulative, at which point he reached his breaking point. He pointed out that he was exhausting himself with work while she wasn’t trying to help at all.
His spouse departed in tears, labeling him as self-centered for valuing his personal health above her recuperation. The original poster is currently doubting his actions, wondering if he acted excessively or if he simply reached the limit of his endurance.
‘AITA for telling my wife it is time she went back to work?’
Expert Opinion:
Mental Health vs. Taking Advantage
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, mental health struggles don’t excuse long-term avoidance of responsibilities. While temporary recovery time is necessary, a five-year absence from all responsibilities—including work, household tasks, and financial contribution—suggests dependency, not healing.
Burnout & the Cost of Carrying Everything Alone
Research from The World Health Organization shows that long-term overwork (working over 55 hours per week) increases the risk of heart disease, stroke, and mental health disorders. OP’s 84-hour weeks are unsustainable, and if he collapses, they will both suffer.
OP’s desire for his wife to share the burden is understandable, but can their relationship bounce back?
Solutions & Next Steps for OP
- Demand a Joint Therapy Session: OP should request a session with his wife’s therapist to discuss how his exhaustion is just as serious as her recovery.
- Set Hard Boundaries: If his wife refuses to contribute, OP must decide if he’s willing to stay in a one-sided marriage or consult a lawyer about his options.
- Give an Ultimatum (Without Threats): OP can calmly explain: “I love you, but I can’t keep working myself to death while you refuse to contribute. We need a plan, or I need to step away.”
- Seek Legal & Financial Advice: OP’s financial stability and mental health are at risk—he should consult a financial planner and divorce lawyer to assess his next steps.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Is the original poster advised to persist, or should they disengage from the situation? Share your opinions in the comments!
