WIBTA if I didn’t give up MY honey moon villa to my grandparents?
Family vacations are meant to bring loved ones together, but what happens when entitlement ruins generosity? OP (F) and her husband (M) paid for an all-expenses-paid week-long family trip to Bora Bora as a pre-honeymoon celebration. They rented out an entire section of bungalows for their families, keeping the only villa for themselves as newlyweds.
During supper, the original poster’s Asian grandparents glimpsed images of the bungalow and without hesitation insisted that the newly married couple exchange accommodations with them, asserting that older family members ought not to be “regarded as commoners.” The original poster declined, clarifying that this was a vacation for their honeymoon that they had funded and that there were no other bungalows to be had. Her grandparents angrily departed, threatening to get a flight back to their home, and now the original poster’s family is pushing her to give in out of “respect.”
Conversely, her husband’s family views this as absurdly demanding. The original poster now feels conflicted between maintaining her personal limits and conceding to maintain familial harmony. Would she be in the wrong if she insisted on her position?
‘WIBTA if I didn’t give up MY honey moon villa to my grandparents?’
Expert Opinion:
Cultural Obligation vs. Healthy Boundaries
Asian family dynamics often emphasize deference to elders, but psychologist Dr. Christine Yeh explains that blind obedience can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment. Respect should be mutual, not one-sided demands for sacrifice.
Why Giving In Will Set a Dangerous Precedent
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in narcissistic family dynamics, warns that once you give in to unreasonable demands, they only escalate. If OP surrenders her honeymoon villa, what’s next? Will she be expected to fund future vacations? Give her home to her grandparents?
Her current marital relationship needs to be the main focus, and establishing clear expectations now will define the limits of what is acceptable going forward.
Solutions & How OP Can Keep the Peace Without Caving
- A Firm but Respectful Stand: OP can express appreciation for her elders while standing firm, saying, “We love you, but this is our honeymoon, and we need this space for ourselves.”
- Offer a Compromise (But Not the Villa): Instead of giving up the room, OP could invite them for a dinner or afternoon visit to the villa as a gesture of goodwill.
- Prepare for Fallout: If her grandparents leave in protest, OP should let them go and enjoy her honeymoon without guilt. She cannot control their entitlement, only her response.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Should the original poster maintain their position, or yield to preserve familial harmony? What course of action would you take if you were in their shoes? Share your opinions in the comments!
