WIBTA if I didn’t give up MY honey moon villa to my grandparents?
Family vacations are meant to bring loved ones together, but what happens when entitlement ruins generosity? OP (F) and her husband (M) paid for an all-expenses-paid week-long family trip to Bora Bora as a pre-honeymoon celebration. They rented out an entire section of bungalows for their families, keeping the only villa for themselves as newlyweds.
During supper, the original poster’s Asian grandparents glimpsed images of the lodging and promptly insisted that the newly married couple trade rooms with them, asserting that the elderly should not be “treated as inferior”. The original poster declined, clarifying that it was a honeymoon that they had funded, and that there were no other available accommodations. Her grandparents then marched away, threatening to return home, and now the original poster’s family is pressuring her to give in for the purpose of “deference”.
Conversely, her husband’s family views this as absurdly presumptuous. The original poster is now conflicted between upholding her personal limits and yielding for the sake of familial harmony. Would she be wrong to maintain her position?
‘WIBTA if I didn’t give up MY honey moon villa to my grandparents?’
Expert Opinion:
Cultural Obligation vs. Healthy Boundaries
Asian family dynamics often emphasize deference to elders, but psychologist Dr. Christine Yeh explains that blind obedience can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment. Respect should be mutual, not one-sided demands for sacrifice.
Why Giving In Will Set a Dangerous Precedent
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist specializing in narcissistic family dynamics, warns that once you give in to unreasonable demands, they only escalate. If OP surrenders her honeymoon villa, what’s next? Will she be expected to fund future vacations? Give her home to her grandparents?
Her current marital relationship needs to be the main focus, and establishing these limitations now will define how things will be going forward.
Solutions & How OP Can Keep the Peace Without Caving
- A Firm but Respectful Stand: OP can express appreciation for her elders while standing firm, saying, “We love you, but this is our honeymoon, and we need this space for ourselves.”
- Offer a Compromise (But Not the Villa): Instead of giving up the room, OP could invite them for a dinner or afternoon visit to the villa as a gesture of goodwill.
- Prepare for Fallout: If her grandparents leave in protest, OP should let them go and enjoy her honeymoon without guilt. She cannot control their entitlement, only her response.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Should the original poster maintain their position, or compromise for the sake of familial harmony? How would you navigate this scenario? Share your opinions below!
