AITAH for not taking off work to help my SIL with her baby?

A woman running her own business is being pressured by her pregnant sister-in-law (SIL) to take off two months of work to care for the baby, home, and dogs after the SIL’s scheduled c-section. Despite having her partner present, the SIL insists she needs this extra help.

The business owner cannot simply close up shop and pay for pet care for an extended duration. Meanwhile, her sister-in-law is distraught, claiming they will be evicted and lose their vehicle if they don’t receive aid. Is the poster unreasonable for declining to put her life on hold to provide assistance? The complete account is provided below.

‘ AITAH for not taking off work to help my SIL with her baby?’

My brother’s wife (33F) is expecting; she’s due sometime in April or May. She hasn’t been clear about the exact date and sends my husband ultrasound images sporadically, sometimes with delays of up to a month, so we’re unsure of the precise timeline.

The sister-in-law has a health issue that necessitates a guaranteed cesarean delivery. Her recovery period will require assistance with the infant, her own needs, and her two dogs. She also resides out of state, although the baby’s father, who is her live-in partner, is involved.

She is really pushing for me to come assist. We don’t communicate much due to the geographical separation and our differing views. We aren’t close, but we are polite to each other. She is having what she calls “hormonal” outbursts because I won’t take two months off from my job to go help her.

I have financial obligations, and my self-employment requires my constant presence to function; I don’t receive paid time off. In addition to ceasing my business operations, my husband’s work commitments prevent him from looking after my animals (which I emphasize are mine because I owned them before we were married), so I would need to kennel them for a couple of months.

They’d be unattended at home for 12-13 hours daily during his work hours. Additionally, he’s uneasy about taking care of certain other animals. I’ve calculated that even the most affordable, yet acceptable, boarding option would amount to roughly $300 per day, totaling $18,300.

The assistance she’s requesting involves: meal preparation, tidying up, purchasing necessary items from the store, and looking after the infant to facilitate her recovery—handling all diaper changes and bottle feedings. Additionally, it includes looking after her two dogs—taking them for walks, providing meals, grooming them, and conducting a one-hour training session for each dog every day.

I anticipate the initial inquiry will be regarding the father’s whereabouts. He and the mother share a residence and are in a committed relationship. However, his employment does not provide compensated time off. Furthermore, the mother has not been employed at her current job for a sufficient duration to qualify for maternity leave; she is currently utilizing sick leave. They exhausted their accrued paid time off and financial reserves to attend a Taylor Swift concert in another city.

I am only second-guessing my position because she continues to break down, telling my husband that they will be unable to manage their car payments or rent without assistance. It wouldn’t cause me to lose my car or home, and although it would significantly impact my finances, I could manage it. (My husband and I handle our finances separately; I had my house prior to our relationship).

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

empresscharm052 −  GIRL, NTA! Your SIL is being crazy! It’s not your job to raise her baby or pay her bills. She and her partner need to figure it out. Don’t feel guilty for saying no – you have your own life and business to run! If she keeps guilt-tripping you, just ignore it. You’re not responsible for their bad choices. Stay strong! (And maybe suggest they learn how to budget before having another kid…)

Maleficent_Pay_4154 −  NTA where are her parents if she needs some slaves to come running for 2 months.

Lalunajefe −  Ummmm this is a ridiculous request. It will drain you but you won’t lose your house or car?????? Did you actually type that and think it’s okay? Yikes 😳 you need to get her parents or baby daddy’s family to step up.

Kragg_hack −  NTA. This is beyond what anyone could demand even if it was your own sister. Either her parents or his parents could help a little with this if they can and want, but a SIL? You should not feel any responsibility.

dadamaildrop −  Her baby, her responsibility. You have your own life and bills. Her lack of planning is not your emergency.

TarzanKitty −  NTA. If you give up your income. Then, you won’t be able to afford your bills. If she was expecting you to be her live in, unpaid servant for 2 months. She should have consulted you before she chose to give birth.

Having undergone three C-sections myself, I can attest that they’re not as terrible as some might think. She’ll be perfectly capable of looking after the baby, and her partner should be able to handle the household chores and pet care. They can prepare a supply of frozen meals to help them navigate the initial weeks. Should she require assistance while her partner is at work, it’s 2024, after all.

She has the option of receiving practically anything she wants within an hour. Should you wish to be especially kind and supportive, you could arrange for a few house cleaning services and provide a Door Dash gift card.

Kyra_Heiker −  I wonder why she has no friends or family willing to help her. It’s a puzzler… You should have never bothered to figure out the math, you just say you can’t afford the time or the money.. NTA

pixie-ann −  NTA this is one of the nuttiest things I’ve seen written here. She expects you to drop your whole life for two months, not just lose money by not working but also incur costs? This is insane. Say no. It sounds like she wants you to be her unpaid cook, cleaner, nanny etc and it’ll be awful. This is crazy. Don’t even entertain the idea. You’ll regret it in so many ways.

TheLastWord63 −  How come your husband hasn’t shut her down?

SadFlatworm1436 −  His work doesn’t give paid leave – your work doesn’t give paid leave ..but it’s his child so it’s his responsibility . No way on earth you’re on the hook to become her nursemaid. She needs a reality check and you need to tell your husband to shut this down now before she decides it’s confirmed. NTA

Is it wrong to turn down a massive request if it puts your job at risk? Or should you always prioritize family, regardless of the consequences? How would you handle this? Let’s hear your opinions!