I (30f) just found my fiance (30m) on an online dating site. What do I do?

A woman on Reddit recently discovered her fiancé’s profile on a dating website after observing a change in his actions. Although he explained that he was simply overwhelmed by work and vehicle issues, her previous experiences with unfaithfulness have left her feeling uncertain.

Upon setting up a bogus account, she found out he’d been using the platform. She’s now in a bind about how to face him and if they can get things back on track. Read the full piece below to understand what she’s going through.

‘ I (30f) just found my fiance (30m) on an online dating site. What do I do?’

My partner and I have been together for eighteen months, and we became roommates a few months back. Recently, he’s seemed a little aloof. I’ve experienced infidelity before, so I’ve been feeling anxious about his change in demeanor.

He told me that his job is causing him stress, which is compounded by the fact that he still hasn’t replaced his car, which broke down a couple of weeks back. Despite his assurances, I still felt uneasy and decided to look into things further.

I didn’t snoop in his phone or personal accounts, but I made a fake profile on a popular dating site and found him there. He was last online July 1st. I don’t know what to do. How do I confront him? What do I say? Can our relationship be saved? Do I even want to save it?. I feel like I am a wreck right now

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

hopingtothrive −  Don’t marry someone who is still out there “dating” unless you are okay with an open relationship. If you confront him, he’ll say, “it belongs to a friend”, “it was just a joke”, “I forgot I even had it”. Test him out on the website and see if he is active or if it really does belong someone else.

shortstack_infj −  Leave him. He’s a c**ater.

[Reddit User] −  I recently had to log in to a dating site so I could deactivate the annoying emails they kept sending me. I have been in a happy relationship for a long time now and am not trying to date. Maybe something else is going on here instead of the obvious. I would go with what other people said and try to catfish him.

musicmaj −  If I can offer another perspective, about 2 days ago I suddenly got an email from okcupid saying I had matches. Which is great, except I’ve been in the same relationship for 3.5 years and disabled my account the first month we met. Then got a second email saying there was suspicious activity on my account.

I told my partner right away, showed him the messages, and asked if he was okay with me signing in to check it out. I did, and sure enough, the account was compromised. We’d also experienced both our Plenty of Fish accounts suddenly coming back to life in a previous relationship. These dating platforms can be strange.

It’s plausible that his account was compromised or spontaneously turned back on. However, failing to inform your significant other would be unacceptable. This week, my initial reaction wouldn’t have been to address the profile breach discreetly without telling my partner; instead, I would have prioritized honesty and full disclosure.

He responded with a surprised acknowledgement and told them to proceed as necessary. Therefore, even if he isn’t defrauding them, he still has a significant amount of progress to make in order to be a candid, truthful, and forthright associate.

tfresca −  Maybe have a conversation before you jump to conclusions. Talk to him in person and ask him to pull up his profile and see what’s cracking. IF he refuses then bail. These online dating sites aren’t exactly honest regarding profiles, activity and all that. Maybe he logged on to try to deactivate it and couldn’t figure it out.

knowledge_lover −  My fiance and I have been together a year and a half. Never understood how people get engaged so quickly. It is true that you can never know a person COMPLETELY but you can at least take your time to get to know each other alot better.

Some might see it differently, but in my opinion, the relationship would only just be beginning after the initial year. I can’t imagine proposing marriage to someone I’ve only known for such a short period. However, that’s simply my viewpoint.

Present him directly with the proof and listen to his explanation. However, encountering this problem after a year and a half together doesn’t bode well for the future of the relationship. I sympathize with you.

ProbablyMyJugs −  I’m really sorry OP. Confront him. Trust your gut. Screenshot the evidence. Talk to your friends, your family, and enjoy some time with them. No one can tell you what you want or if it can be saved,

but I’m going to ask you something: can you imagine giving up on this? Do you desire a marriage plagued by such unrest before it even begins? Do you want to constantly be in doubt and questioning everything?

PerkyLurkey −  Obviously you shouldn’t try to catfish him. That would be the plan of a 14 year old school girl. If you must get your screenshots, then ask him what is going on. Talk to him, and respond as if you are a mature woman.. Seriously 🙄

rbus −  Don’t catfish him. Be an adult and confront him. Entrapment is hardly a healthy way to continue a relationship. Ah let’s be honest, your relationship is doomed if you are actually considering this as a logical move.

oceans09 −  I strongly suggest you communicate with him before assuming anything. Idk your situation very well but do you think it maybe possible that the profile is from a long time ago which he didn’t delete cause maybe he isn’t aware of it anymore?

Is the conduct of the husband-to-be indicative of something more serious, or might it just be a passing moment? What would your course of action be if you were in her position? Write your opinions in the section below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/XNoHS