AITA for changing my name? my parents named me Qur’stylle (Chrystal)?

A Reddit user shared how their unique name, Qur’stylle (pronounced Chrystal), caused them years of bullying, mispronunciations, and assumptions about their background. Once they turned 18, they legally changed their name to Chrystal to avoid the ongoing frustration.

However, their mom, who originally chose the name, reacted with tears, anger, and threats to cut them off for “betraying” the family. The user stood their ground, pointing out how their mom repeatedly dismissed their concerns and forced teachers and friends to use the original spelling. Did the user go too far by telling their mom off, or are they justified for reclaiming their identity? Read on for the details.

‘ AITA for changing my name? my parents named me Qur’stylle (Chrystal)?’

The user says my jerk parents decided to call me Qur’stylle, and ever since then, I’ve been bombarded with questions like “Are you Muslim?”, “Where does your name come from?”, “What’s your country of origin?”, and people mangling the pronunciation, which is understandable.

I have consistently advised individuals to spell it “Chrystal,” a suggestion that my parents, especially my mother, strongly opposed, resulting in annual emails to my teachers ensuring the accurate pronunciation of my name.

My mother once punished me for suggesting that people save my name as Chrystal in their contacts. Now that I’m of age, I’ve legally changed my name to Chrystal, so I won’t have to put up with this crap anymore.

Dealing with this ridiculous spelling and constantly correcting people was incredibly irritating. Before encountering me, everyone assumed I was a privileged snob, which is completely false. Your name influences others’ perceptions of you, often on a subconscious level, and these absurd spellings are detrimental.

My mother completely lost her composure, bursting into tears and warning me she would disown me for my actions. She accused me of disloyalty to her and our relatives because of it. I feel confident in my position, but I need an objective perspective.

I told my mother to go screw herself and blamed her for all the issues in my life, for not being supportive, and for disregarding my concerns, even to the point of disrespecting my own identity. My mother is a terrible person, and my father lacks courage and conviction.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

TolkienandTrees −  NTA. It’s your name and your right to change it if you wish. Honestly, if I may say so, it may be best to take a step back from your family. It sounds like they’re causing you a lot of unnecessary anger, and you seem very hostile towards them. Cut as much negativity and toxicity out of your life as you can.

JeremyMcCracken −  NTA I notice this: would email my teachers every year to make sure they pronounce my name correctly Your mom thinks you’re her possession to show off. She picked that name for the same reason people get their sportscars in bight red: “Look at this awesome thing I own!!” Not only are you in the right for wanting a normal name, it’s good of you to get out from under your mom’s influence.

likaachikaa −  she was threatening to cut you off for changing your first name as a legal adult? wow. but the “go f**k yourself” was a little harsh, though also justified.. NTA

Darkbomber04 −  “Your name affects how people see you, much of it is subconscious”. You’re absolutely right about that. I, personally, hate when parents give their kids names that are hard to pronounce or names that the kid’s going to get made fun of for. Naming a child shouldn’t be about the parents, it should be about how it will affect the kid as they grow up.

I detest my given name and have exclusively used my nickname, a shortened version of it. My father initially wanted to name me Mario, and I am grateful that my mother intervened, leading to a compromise with a name that has both Italian and English roots. However, the chosen name wasn’t ideal, as I was ridiculed for it during elementary and high school when teachers revealed my full name.

animalcrackwhores −  Why did you spell it Chrystal and not Crystal?

CardiacSchmardiac −  NTA. If it was a culturally or religiously important name with roots in the family then *maybe* that would be on the spectrum of betrayal but this is just basic n**cissism. Just read the definition below of n**cissism and see how much of this you think fits your mom’s feelings about YOUR name.

An exaggerated desire to be admired, a lack of empathy for others, difficulty accepting feedback, and a belief that you deserve special treatment. Additionally, you are an adult. Unconventional names may create obstacles to obtaining lawful work, advanced education, and loan approvals.

Beret_of_Poodle −  NTA. “Betrayed” her and your family? That’s a stretch. And THAT’S an understatement. She gets to pick your name when you’re a kid. You’re an adult now, and you are allowed to dislike what she picked and change it. She’s allowed to be hurt by that. She is not allowed to threaten you for making adult decisions.

I’m genuinely baffled by the number of posts I’m seeing where families are choosing to sever ties over the most absurd reasons. Is there really that much insanity out there? How do you justify to your family, friends, and community that you’ve cut off your child? “She decided to change her name, so I’m done with her”? Does no one point out how utterly deranged that sounds?

AnUnpopularReality −  Lol you had to throw that extra “h” in there, huh?

SourNotesRockHardAbs −  INFO: was the inclusion of the “H” on purpose? My mind keeps reading it as Chrysler instead of Crystal. For the record, I still think that spelling is more clear than the original spelling.

cisero −  Good candidate for a crosspost to. r/raisedbynarcissists. I was given an unusual middle name (mother’s vanity) and I changed it when I turned 18. Couldn’t even stand it in the middle and that’s where weird names belong!. NTA

Is it important for parents to think about how unusual names might affect their kids in the long run? Was the mother justified in her pain, or should she have focused on what was best for her child? What are your opinions on the connection between names and identity, and how should parents go about choosing names for their children?