I (27F) moved in next door to my husband’s (29M) parents. Privacy gone. I’m desperate and feeling like giving up on everything. How can I fix my marriage?

A 27-year-old woman is finding it hard to live next to her 29-year-old husband’s parents following their recent wedding. The never-ending presence of his family in their day-to-day is causing her to feel like she has no privacy or freedom, and that her feelings don’t matter. Here is her account.

‘ I (27F) moved in next door to my husband’s (29M) parents. Privacy gone. I’m desperate and feeling like giving up on everything. How can I fix my marriage?’

Following years of courtship, my spouse (29M) and myself (27F) tied the knot this year. The lead-up was difficult due to the stag do. We’d decided on a relaxed dinner followed by daytime events for everyone; no pubs or clubs. It was HIS suggestion.

He clearly frequented bars and clubs, with further activities anticipated, and then asked his friends to conceal it from me. Upon discovering this, a major conflict erupted, nearly derailing our marriage. Post-wedding, we opted to relocate to his hometown, seeking a more tranquil existence.

His parents owned a vacant house, so we relocated to it – it’s practically next door. I was uneasy about living so near them, given their tendency to meddle and create friction in our relationship. However, my husband assured me that he’d protect me from their interference and strive to make my life here as typical as possible.

I only agreed to relocate to this house to cut expenses, despite my desire to return to my place of birth, which has more prospects, such as superior educational institutions. However, as a result of living here, I feel as though I’ve forfeited both my personal space and, to some extent, my autonomy.

Each subject or matter transforms into a familial or communal concern, as he shares and informs his family about all aspects of his life. Even a routine delivery of a large item escalates into an extensive discussion with his parents, seemingly due to their unsolicited involvement and desire to assist.

When I arrive at the house, his mom and dad are there to say hello. As we’re heading out on our trip, he makes sure to kiss his mother goodbye and let her know the details of our trip: where we’re going, how we’re getting there, and when we’ll be back. My mail is delivered to his parents’ house.

His aunt is trying to decorate our house for us, and just the other day left a plant at my door and said she has bought more because houses need to be decorated and she wants to do it. His other aunt needs something delivered and we’re leaving the house? Of course we’ll go drop it off.

I’m an involuntary member of a group. While some may find this acceptable, I’m someone who avoids social media, keeps my life private, values independence, and prefers to solve problems on my own.

I even spoke with my spouse regarding this matter! He knows it’s happening. But he is indifferent. I feel like he stabbed me in the back. How should I act? I have tried to communicate with him, but he’s not understanding.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Champion_Flight −  Your husband isn’t failing to understand you, he’s choosing to ignore you. He’s shown a pattern: lied about the bachelor party, broke his promise about shielding you from his family, and manipulated you into moving next to his parents despite knowing your preferences.

This isn’t a matter of privacy; it’s about your husband consistently disregarding your limits while acting like he respects them. He is aware you value privacy, yet he openly shares your personal affairs with others.

These aren’t errors; they represent his true principles, masked by fabricated stories to achieve his objectives. Your autonomy isn’t diminishing; it’s being forcefully taken from you.

AdAmbitious7339 −  I tried to have a conversation with him again. It always goes back to him saying that why should he have to compromise on what he loves (his parents, talking to them all the time about everything, relying on them for everything etc) to make me happy?

If he proceeds with that, I will rejoice, though he will not. Consequently, I departed. I simply exited the residence. I am currently composing this message from the public library nearby, having just secured a hotel reservation to which I am now headed. I am utterly drained… It invariably revolves around him, his concerns, and his relatives. I am weary of both him and his kin.

WildlifePolicyChick −  It’s not that he doesn’t *understand*, it’s that he doesn’t *care*. He has exactly what he wants. A life entwined with his parents’ in his small town. Unless you have a serious talk with him about drawing lines between your lives and theirs, and he BACKS those boundaries, then…. This is what you are going to get.

You might explore marital therapy; however, not even a highly skilled counselor can force your husband to **care**. Therefore, you could engage in deeper discussions, clearly stating your unwillingness to continue living as you are, attend sessions with a marriage counselor, and observe if he is genuinely capable of changing his behavior.

It still seems clear that this is his desire, and it won’t shift. This is his history, his present, and his future. Therefore, if your sincere attempts don’t lead to betterment, you’ll face two options: Embrace it and remain, or embrace it and depart. Best of luck to the original poster.

Puzzled-Safe4801 −  Ultimately, it sounds like you’re incompatible. It also seems that he doesn’t want to be married. Don’t get pregnant while he’s still a man-child.

Mindless-Yellow634 −  I think you married the wrong person.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 −  You’re an accessory to his life. He calls the shots and you follow. He always knew he was going to clubs for his bachelor party he just didn’t want you to do it so he lied.

He’s not looking out for you. He’s all about himself and doesn’t give a damn about others. I think you might need to make some serious changes. Could you maybe go stay with your family for a while so you can get some peace and quiet without being watched?

galiumgirl −  “WE agreed (literally came from him).” Am I reading this right that the no bars and clubs thing was his idea originally? This sounds like a control tactic to me. It could be a thing where he gets you to think you’re on the same page but in reality he just doesnt want YOU to go to bars and clubs, but in his mind he’s free to do what he wants.

Powerful_Debt_2787 −  I have just left a situation like this just over 6 weeks ago so good luck gal, hopefully yours works out better than mine. You need to 100% set boundaries they shouldn’t be involved in every aspect of your life. If your husband doesn’t get that then you should maybe consider moving house or leaving.

What truly matters is that, most of the time, they’ll support their sons, regardless of the situation. It’s unacceptable to be in an atmosphere that makes you feel uneasy. This is your life, and you are entitled to your personal space and time.

and because people aren’t omniscient, you should be comfortable instead of constantly stressed and feeling deprived of personal time. It’s best to address this issue promptly, dear. xox

Quiet-Hamster6509 −  ” I can’t live like this anymore. Getting married and moving here was a mistake. I’m going to be arranging to move back home, I’ll speak to my lawyer about an annulment as it’s cheaper than leaving it till later and we have to divorce. “

When questioned, you can respond by stating that you are not surprised he is asking this, given his history of broken promises and neglect. It is clear that his upbringing is responsible for his behavior.

shame-the-devil −  Go visit your family for a week without him. Take all the important documents, things you can’t live without. Once you get there, you’ll hopefully have time to think clearly and make a plan. Unfortunately this sounds like a situation you will have to escape from.

Being in close proximity to relatives can make it difficult to maintain personal space, particularly if you don’t share the same values. Should a husband, in your opinion, focus on building a separate, self-reliant existence with his partner, or is this degree of family participation okay in a marriage? What strategies would you use to establish limits in this kind of scenario? Please share your opinions in the comments!