“We listen and we don’t judge” trend prompted my (24f) husband (38m) to reveal a cruel two year long “prank”. How can I learn to start trusting him again?

A 24-year-old woman on Reddit recounts the heartbreaking discovery that her 38-year-old husband intentionally damaged her computer two years prior to prevent her from playing games with her siblings. He confessed during a TikTok-inspired “we listen and we don’t judge” activity, admitting he made her computer nearly impossible to use, all so she would dedicate her time to him.

After six years of marriage, this act of disloyalty has left her wounded, exploited, and wondering about other potential transgressions. She is currently seeking methods to re-establish trust and overcome this breach. Delve into the complete narrative to grasp the depth of her emotional turmoil and her yearning for recovery.

‘ “We listen and we don’t judge” trend prompted my (24f) husband (38m) to reveal a cruel two year long “prank”. How can I learn to start trusting him again?’

My husband watched some TikToks this week where couples declared “we’re all ears, no judgment,” and then confessed something mischievous or amusing they do when their partner isn’t around. He really wanted me to make one with him, claiming he had a hilarious confession, but he wanted me to go first to make it fair.

Upon his admission, he confessed to taking files off my machine two years prior, resulting in a significant performance decrease and near inoperability. This explains why my computer’s performance inexplicably tanked in 2022, a problem I was never able to resolve.

I mainly utilized it for educational purposes and engaging in online gaming with my siblings, given our geographical distance. Currently, I struggle to even surf the web, not to mention playing games. Due to my sole employment status, purchasing a replacement computer is beyond my means. He assured me that resolving the issue he caused would only require a brief moment, but he simply lacked the willingness to do so.

When I inquired about his motivations, he explained that he wanted my undivided attention and resented my occasional gaming sessions. I am currently experiencing significant emotional distress and struggling to trust his words.

How can I stop dwelling on this and move past my lack of faith in him? We’ve been a couple for six years, and I’m extremely anxious, wondering what else he might have done to deceive me. How do people typically recover from breaches of trust such as this?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

knifebaby −  This is extreme manipulation, not a prank. Also, it is disturbing behavior from a man 14 years older and who you are currently supporting. He doesn’t respect you. You don’t need to I’m learn to trust him, he doesn’t deserve it at this point.

WifeofBath1984 −  This is controlling behavior. I’m ngl, I’m disturbed by the fact that you were 18 when you married a 32 year old man. Unfortunately, it really isn’t all that surprising that he is controlling like this. It isn’t a harmless prank. It’s a massive red flag.

Traeyze −  When I asked him why he would do that, he said it’s because I should spend all my time with him and he didn’t like that I would play games a few times a week. So it wasn’t a prank. It was him sabotaging your ability to use your computer because he didn’t like what you were doing then allowing it to go on for over 2 years where he was lying [and basically g**lighting] you about it.

Username: OkStop

It’s depressing that his fabricated excuse included him claiming he was unwilling to assist, despite the solution being simple. Even his falsehood portrays him as a terrible partner.

That’s confusing, but it fits with the idea that you were a teenager when you started a relationship with a man in his thirties. While he may have married you, his actions don’t show respect or concern, and it’s probable that your relationship is more built on his harmful behavior than you realize.

imyourkidnotyourmom −  He only broke my phone so I couldn’t call people, how do I get over this?  He only was jealous of my siblings and didn’t want me spending any time with them, how do I get over this?!

He crippled me to keep me from running away, how can I move past this? He chooses to be unemployed so I’m always working and drained, leaving me no time to notice the warning signs in our relationship, how can I overcome this? He took my passport to trap me, how do I recover from this? He committed a terrible act of betrayal against you and shows no regret. Why are you trying to excuse that?

FlamingoDream −  You were 18 and he was 32 when you got married which means you were god knows how old when you started talking. Ew. 

henicorina −  I am begging any young women reading this to stop and think when they are being pursued by much older men. These men are specifically targeting you because, due to inexperience, you do not have clear boundaries or senses of what is normal and acceptable in a relationship.

They act this way because they desire a partner whom they can maneuver and dominate. It is imperative that you heed this significant warning sign in the initial phases of a relationship to avoid marrying a controlling individual.

Fun_Orange_3232 −  I know people get mad when we say “age gap,” but doesn’t it always seem to go the same way.

Unhappy_Job4447 −  “We listen we don’t judge”. I think your husband is a p**ck. Your turn!

PleaseCoffeeMe −  You’re supporting him, how long has he not been working? You have bigger problems than trust. This case, listen and judge, be very very judgy.

Not-nuts −  You don’t,  you leave 

Was the husband’s two-year “joke” indicative of a more profound pattern of manipulation, or is it something that can be resolved through dialogue and fostering trust? How would you react to a comparable act of disloyalty from a significant other? Please share your opinions and recommendations in the space below.