AITA for refusing to cook meat when my husband broke our (lonely) daughter’s only friendship because he hates vegans?

A woman on Reddit is having marital issues because their child is friends with a vegan child. Their daughter, who suffers from numerous allergies and sensitivities, made a new friend and was able to enjoy a birthday party at this vegan family’s house, because they were able to cater for her needs. The husband learned about it and was not happy, referring to the family as “hippies,” and grew increasingly angry.

Upset by her husband’s conduct, the Redditor has chosen to abstain from preparing meat dishes until he atones to their family for what he did. Her spouse is displeased by this, and she is now questioning whether she acted appropriately. The complete account is provided below.

‘ AITA for refusing to cook meat when my husband broke our (lonely) daughter’s only friendship because he hates vegans?’

anonymous
I’m using a throwaway account because I don’t want to receive angry messages from vegans. My husband is from the South, and to put it mildly, he dislikes vegans. His family is a typical rural family, and they become extremely upset when they see advertisements for products like Beyond Meat on television.

They seem to strongly dislike veganism and show aversion to menus that cater to vegetarians or vegans. I used to find it amusing since it didn’t affect me as a meat-eater.

My now 6-year-old daughter came into this world with numerous allergies, including eggs, as well as lactose and grass/pollen intolerances. Birthday parties were a rarity for her since she couldn’t consume anything there. When she was an infant, my husband once had an egg sandwich and kissed her, resulting in a hive breakout that required a doctor’s visit. We introduced all new foods to her under the watchful eye of a medical professional.

She is able to consume meat, but her egg allergy prevents her from enjoying processed meat products like chicken nuggets. Recently, she became acquainted with one of our new neighbors, who resides approximately four houses from us. They adhere to a strict vegan lifestyle, and their child’s diet is limited to only what they consume. As a result, she was able to partake in the birthday cake itself, instead of the muffin I had brought for her.

It lifted her spirits, and they continued to arrange playdates even when it wasn’t allowed. I was happy she had found a companion. His parents hadn’t been in touch for some time and weren’t answering our calls. When I ran into his father, I asked him what was going on, but he responded with hostility, instructing me to avoid contact with him and his wife and saying he would pray for my daughter.

That seemed inappropriate to me. He then took out his phone and showed me a very offensive message from my spouse. I didn’t think his claim that my husband instigated an argument was true, but when I questioned him about it, he seemed happy that Shelia wasn’t spending time with hippies.

I recalled the animosity directed towards vegans and resolved that I wouldn’t prepare meat again unless he apologized to that family and they consented to their child playing with ours. He insisted that I move past it and fulfill my culinary duties, but I am indeed cooking, just not according to his preferences. Am I the unreasonable one?

Edit: I’m going to look into couples therapy, though I doubt he’ll go for it. I hope Ina can forgive me (vegan mom, I’m truly sorry this escalated, and I won’t contact you again.) Thanks everyone for your input.

Check out how the community responded:

TimeandEntropy −  NTA and wha…. A spouse telling me to “do your job” in reference to a household chore would put me right on strike. I wouldn’t stop cooking meat for the guy, I’d stop cooking for him.

He appears to be a truly awful individual, displaying such insensitivity towards your daughter’s friendship and taking pride in instigating conflict and demeaning others. Naturally, the reality that you seemed to find this level of animosity amusing until it affected your own child does raise some questions about your own character.

beckdawg19 −  N T A, but I almost want to call you the a**hole for staying with someone so n**ty. Your husband literally ruined your daughter’s one friendship over something insanely petty, and your only way of dealing with that is not cooking him meat?

That sounds like an insane underreaction to me. ESH because it’s pretty clear OP doesn’t actually care much to ~~correct~~ deal with (poor word choice on correct) her husband’s behavior and defends him at every turn.

TypicalManagement680 −  ESH except the vegan family and your daughter. I’ve read your comments and you make so many excuses for your husband. You excused his hate for vegans and his behavior until it personally impacted you. I wonder what else you excuse because it hasn’t personally impacted you. Your husband is an AH for obvious reasons.

Thank you to everyone who has given me awards.

foxsabina2010 −  You don’t want angry vegans in your inbox, but you married into a family that gets “ridiculously mad” at tv adverts and they hate menus?! Christ. I’ve never been that mad at either of those things. You’re NTA but it’s worrying that your husband has put his own rage, stupidity and fragile masculinity ahead of his own daughters serious dietary restrictions

[Reddit User] −  ESH. You didn’t have a problem with your bully of a husband until your child had to suffer the consequences. You’re just as pathetic as he is.

HauntofhighAFtower −  NTA, it’s kinda, teensy bit petty, but so is being proud that you ruined your 6 year old kid’s only safe friendship!!! WTF. My son is ridiculously allergic to gluten.

Some individuals may perceive gluten-free eating plans as trendy and deserving of ridicule, similar to veganism. However, my child would develop hives from merely placing his arms on his kindergarten desk unless it was thoroughly cleaned beforehand.

It’s awful, and folks assume you’re exaggerating or you’re some kind of modern-day weirdo, rather than a parent who simply doesn’t want their child to need an EpiPen right now. My wife happens to be allergic to eggs, so we are truly limited in where we can dine out.

Finding individuals who are understanding and supportive is a true blessing. I am shocked that your husband would jeopardize that for you and your daughter.

The guidelines of this platform prevent me from articulating my true feelings about what you should do with your spouse, so I’m relieved he’s unintentionally adhering to a vegan diet. My concern is that his lack of awareness may place you in danger when he’s denied what he desires.

EDIT: I am not suggesting that individuals who opt for vegan or gluten-free diets without a medical requirement should be ridiculed, or that it is acceptable to do so. My intention was to point out the apparent public consensus that veganism and choosing to be gluten-free (or not) are considered fair game for mockery.

Several individuals became genuinely indignant, presuming that I concurred with the widely held belief that ridiculing these diets is acceptable, a notion I do not endorse. I must emphasize that the primary distinction lies in the fact that my child’s, my wife’s, and the original poster’s child’s circumstances are not voluntary, whereas if your elective diet is disrupted, it will not result in a life-or-death emergency.

zippy_zaboo −  NTA. Also: Couples counseling is probably cheaper than divorce and it sounds like you need one or the other.

Christhememgod −  NTA why are you still with him

Mindfullofdoubt −  Well, you sound like a doormat for your sexist pig of a husband. ESH, except your daughter. Your husband clearly sucks because of his attitudes towards everything.

You’re at fault for allowing his actions, and I believe the neighbor is somewhat to blame for excluding a kid from his home due to the foolish things the father expressed. The neighbor is the least culpable. OP, you are mostly to blame for putting up with unacceptable conduct for an extended duration until it had a direct impact on your child.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your husband is not only an embarrassment, but a complete a**hole. He went out of his way to antagonize his seemingly pleasant neighbors because of their diet and has NO REMORSE for destroying your daughters only friendship. Your husbands “pride” of his h**red towards others is pathetic.

Is the Redditor right to hold off on cooking meat until her husband says he’s sorry for what he did, or is this just making things harder for everyone at home? What would you do if you didn’t like your child’s friends because of your own views? Share your opinions with us!