I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now

A woman of 25 years expressed her escalating unease after consenting to be a surrogate mother for her sister and brother-in-law. She had anticipated a medical procedure akin to artificial insemination but was taken aback by their desire for unassisted conception, which they justified on grounds of expense, security, and well-being.

The user is in a bind, torn between her reservations about the situation and the considerable financial rewards it offers. The fact that her close relatives are in favor of the couple’s idea only makes her decision more difficult.

‘ I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now ‘

Alice has longed for children for most of her life, but she has been unable to bring a baby to term, partially because of endometriosis. She suffered greatly and needed a h*ster*ct*my. Alice and her husband Ben have fostered five kids and adopted two children with autism. They are wonderful parents.

They live in a stable home and are quite wealthy. However, Ben and eventually Alice both felt a strong desire to have a child to whom they were biologically connected, driven by their aspiration to “do things the right way” and “give the child the greatest possible beginning in life” (again, these are their beliefs, not my own).

They approached me about being their surrogate via the traditional method and offered to handle all related expenses, encompassing legal and medical aspects. Furthermore, they proposed settling my student loan, providing a two-bedroom apartment for three years, and granting me a considerable sum of money.

I agreed, seeing it as a 9-month commitment that would provide long-term security, a view shared by my close relatives. However, my agreement was based on the assumption of undergoing IUI, involving doctor visits for sperm preparation, injections, and the full artificial insemination process.

Alice and Ben have requested that I try to conceive a child through sexual intercourse. Their reasons are: firstly, it’s the most economical method; secondly, they wish to avoid hospitals due to the current pandemic; and thirdly, they believe that babies conceived naturally are healthier and that a pregnancy without medical intervention would be safer. However, I am extremely repulsed by the idea.

Even if this were to happen in my house, I still think a syringe would suffice. Am I crazy for considering going back on my promise? Is what they’re asking too much? My closest relatives don’t see any harm in it and have been congratulating my sister on her upcoming child.

On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Limerick-Leprechaun −  This is just wrong in so many ways. Who can support this method of getting you pregnant? It could take multiple attempts. How many times does Ben want to h*ve s** with you? Is Alice really okay with her husband h*ving s** with you?

TophlikeTOUGH −  You’re a loony for deciding to be a surrogate on a smile and a handshake! If you were going to do this, there SHOULD be doctors involved. And a contract. And lawyers. Pull out now.

[Reddit User] −  My guess is they want to do it this way because no reputable clinic or Dr would allow you to be a surrogate if you have never given birth.

MsB0x −  This is totally unreasonable of them to ask. You’re not the one in the wrong here.

LastResortsSuck −  This is insane. She thinks she’s okay with it but her stomach will turn when she realizes you *slept together*. Even if she doesn’t, there’s no guarantee you get pregnant on the first try. How many times until she DOES have a problem with it?

How many evenings are you prepared to sacrifice for potentially unsatisfying sexual encounters, given that the purpose is procreation rather than enjoyment or recreation?

What if she gets pregnant, panics, and they opt to terminate the pregnancy? Or even worse, her jealousy becomes so intense that it destroys their marriage? Avoid this scenario.

[Reddit User] −  talk to your sister privately. She’s excited about having a baby but is she going to resent you the rest of your life for h*ving s** with her husband and giving birth to the child? That’s something I would think through And with what they are paying you have they thought of using the money for adoption?

[Reddit User] −  Have you got their offer in writing, checked by a lawyer?. No?. Thought not.. Run.

[Reddit User] −  What is this? The Handmaid’s Tale? My wife and I have been trying for over 2 years. This would not be a one and done thing. Does your sister not realize this? You are committing to h*ving s** with her husband dozens or even hundreds of times. But even once?

Sounds like you should establish some fundamental principles, such as limiting the process to artificial insemination.

[Reddit User] −  Not remotely reasonable. Surrogacy is one thing, prostitution is quite another.