My (32M) wife (31F) sold the dresser my SIL (28ish) built and gifted us. How do I help smooth and fix the potential backlash?

A Reddit user is facing a difficult situation. He found out his wife sold a dresser that was uniquely crafted and given to them by his sister-in-law, who is a talented furniture maker. Even though he knew it was valuable both sentimentally and for its craftsmanship, his wife sold it online for a significant amount without his permission and has already spent some of the proceeds.

The user currently faces the challenge of resolving a problem involving his brother and sister-in-law, complicated by his wife’s lack of concern. The complete account and recommendations are provided below.

‘ My (32M) wife (31F) sold the dresser my SIL (28ish) built and gifted us. How do I help smooth and fix the potential backlash?’

My brother’s wife is quite skilled at crafting furniture as a pastime. Roughly a year ago, my brother inquired out of the blue whether my wife and I were in need of anything, though he was being indirect. I quickly responded with the first thing I thought of, suggesting a new dresser for the entryway.

I wasn’t expecting much, but for our 5-year celebration a few months back, they stunned us with a personally designed dresser. I’m not particularly artistic, but I could see the dedication and hours poured into this creation. She used a combination of two woods, and the connections and borders were seamless and even.

The design was clearly meticulously planned, with attention to fine points and other considerations; a beautiful oil-based finish and drawers that close gently. In short, the item was exceptionally well-crafted, and my wife and I were completely charmed by it.

We frequently jested that it was likely the priciest piece of furniture we possessed, or ever would, given our penchant for thrifting and budget constraints. In any case, while I was traveling for work last weekend, my wife unexpectedly put the dresser up for sale and it was sold online.

When I walked through the door, it didn’t register right away, but I soon realized she had purchased a lot of new garments. I questioned her about the origin of the additional funds, and she offhandedly mentioned selling the chest of drawers. Thinking it was a joke, I went to investigate and found the old dresser we had stored in the basement returned to its former spot.

I asked her to explain further, and she told me that she had jokingly listed it online for $500 out of curiosity, but someone offered her $1800 in cash and immediate pickup, so she took the offer. After it registered with me, I told her she shouldn’t have done that, and that she was wrong for doing so because it’s also my dresser and she didn’t even ask me.

She dismissed my concerns, saying I was exaggerating. She even suggested using the remaining funds to purchase a replacement dresser, but that won’t occur since we already recovered our original one. She even had the audacity to propose that we simply request SIL to build another dresser, since she’s supposedly “just honing her skills.”

My wife, I assure you, doesn’t normally act this way; she’s just being swayed by this ridiculous sum. The atmosphere between us has been strained for the last few days, and we’ve hardly exchanged a word. Initially, I attempted to recover the dresser, perhaps through some form of negotiation,

When I inquired with my wife about the individual’s information, she informed me that it had already been erased and the online account was gone as well. She has been making disparaging remarks about the dresser, something she never did previously. She’s now saying it’s poorly constructed, unattractive, bulky, and completely unnecessary.

Whenever I attempt to make her understand that finances aren’t everything and that I’m concerned her behavior will ruin my relationship with my brother and his wife, she just suggests concealing it, claiming they’ll be none the wiser. I’m at a loss with my wife’s actions, and I disapprove of what she’s done.

I doubt we’ll see the dresser again. We lack the funds to replace it, given that she’s used almost half the allocated money already. I’ve been delaying telling my brother what has transpired; I’m unsure how to break the news, but I can’t morally conceal my wife’s actions.

I’m concerned about my sister-in-law’s potential pain, but my wife remains inflexible. Should I first disclose the information to my brother and allow him to inform her? Alternatively, should I directly inform her myself?

Check out how the community responded:

cressidacole −  Your wife is playing games and isn’t even bothering to be subtle. She waited until you were away, disposed of the dresser and spent at least half of the money, and basically shrugged at your reaction. By the way, she didn’t sell it online. She had a buyer already set up.

She dislikes your sister-in-law for an unknown reason. Alternatively, she may be excessively self-centered and apathetic regarding presents. Trade her engagement ring for golf clubs.

Acrobatic-Mess-6700 −  Yikes – I don’t think there’s any possibility for a soft landing here. In fact, given your wife’s unrepentantly callous attitude towards the whole situation, she’ll quickly undo any of your efforts. You need to tell your brother and prepare for the backlash. This’ll utterly torch your wife’s reputation. Don’t compound it by trying to protect her.

UsuallyWrite2 −  You are being far more calm than I would be. I would tell your wife that she can call your brother and SIL what she did. And then she can encounter the consequences of her selfish actions. This would be a very big deal to me. Very big.

I would advise her to give back all the apparel or trade it for cash and locate the damn purchaser and recover it. Holy crap. Major faith problem for me. What else is she planning to get rid of? Your children?

Ardara −  Tell them the truth. She sold it without your knowledge or permission. This is a big deal to me. 

MontEcola −  I am a woodworker. It would p**s me off. The person who offered that amount knew the value and snapped up a deal. The person that did not cherish my work would be cut off forever. Your future gifts will be a box of orange from Harry and David.

She has ruined her bond with the kind individual who created this. A comparable scenario resulted in my separation. She bartered family treasures crafted by my grandfather for the dresser, and the narrative remains consistent.

Over-Ad-6555 −  Wow 😲. I’m sorry you have such a selfish, self-centered wife. I can guarantee your SIL is going to notice it’s missing the second she walks into your house. How many hours went into building that dresser?

The expenses involved, like supplies, shouldn’t be overlooked. Being truthful is the optimal path, but ensure that only your avaricious wife is implicated. There’s no advantage to damaging your connection with your brother and sister-in-law.

kevin_r13 −  Something is fishy about the money story. No one offers $1800 for an item that the seller clearly wants $500 for. Maybe fake cash money or maybe charge back s**m? But let’s say they did. Unless she spent all $1800 right away, where is the remaining money?

I will admit that if I notice that the costly presents I’ve given to my loved ones or friends are not valued even if they are free to do whatever they want with them, I don’t offer those kinds of presents again. I won’t end the relationship because the gift is now theirs to do with as they please, but I’ll simply give presents of lesser worth or presents that are less meaningful.

HelpfulName −  I swear my wife isn’t usually like this. She is, you just didn’t notice because it didn’t directly impact you. People don’t magically turn into this over nothing. You’re getting to know a side to her personality you didn’t notice stand out before.

Your sister-in-law will be heartbroken. She invested countless hours and significant funds in that present, only to see it discarded. Besides severely damaging your relationship with your family, your wife has likely ruined your chances of receiving more gifts.

It’s quite possible that the supplies your sister-in-law used cost around $1500. I do some woodworking along with my other art, and good wood is VERY pricey at the moment. I’m sure she also put in a lot of extra work because the intention was for the gift to become a treasured heirloom.

Its true cost, considering resources and labor, probably doesn’t exceed $3,000. She deprived your kids of an ancestral treasure created by your family to acquire some new apparel. She purposefully bided her time until you were gone long enough to organize its sale, indicating a premeditated SCHEME, not an impulse. And this doesn’t bother you?

reddituser1234:
Given your wife’s readiness to deceive you and act secretively, I’d inquire whether a) she received more than $1800. I would also investigate the method of payment, as her apparent greed makes it probable she was ensnared by a fraudulent check scheme, which are very common on FB Marketplace.

Accepting her flimsy excuse that everything was accidentally deleted is baffling. It’s no surprise she believes she can continue behaving this way. Why are you letting her dismiss her actions and disparage your sister-in-law’s work?

This is a situation that you are not taking seriously enough. Does your wife usually ignore disagreements and difficulties until you are weary of dealing with them? A lot of people would consider this a critical point in a marriage, and it seems that you are not fully aware of the severity of the problem.

tattedupgirl −  So I make handmade gifts for people that I love and I used to make my niece handmade things for her all the time. Until one day she let slip that everything I’ve ever made for her she sold online.

She suggested that I should feel appreciated because all my gifts had a high monetary value when sold. That happened six years ago, and she is still confused as to why I no longer offer her presents. She hurt me deeply.

DarDarBinks89 −  Yeah your SIL likely won’t ever make you guys anything again. I know I wouldn’t. I think it’s fair to give your brother and SIL a heads up so they aren’t blindsided when they come over next. Tensions are going to be high no matter how you slice this cake.

I can’t say for sure why your wife is acting this way, but you mention that this isn’t how she usually acts. Is that truly the case? Could it be that she dislikes your sister-in-law, or perhaps envies her abilities?

It’s conceivable that she might be more open to a constructive dialogue once tensions have eased, though I wouldn’t necessarily count on it. Regardless of how this plays out, you must inform your brother and sister-in-law.