My (38/F) ex-fiance ghosted me (39/M) before our wedding. It’s been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds?

Sixteen years ago, a man experienced profound grief when his bride-to-be vanished shortly before their wedding, severing all ties. Now, after a long period of silence, she has contacted him, requesting a face-to-face meeting to clarify her behavior. He is conflicted between the possibility of reviving past emotions and shielding himself from further emotional pain. Should he offer her an opportunity to explain, or should he leave the past undisturbed?

‘ My (38/F) ex-fiance ghosted me (39/M) before our wedding. It’s been 16 years and now she wants to talk it over again. Should we reopen closed wounds?’

I never received any reason. She simply departed without informing anyone. It happened immediately preceding our significant wedding event. She didn’t leave any message, nothing, she simply disappeared. Even her relatives were confused. She suddenly left. We had been together since high school and continued through college.

She did come back, but not to me. I found out through her parents that she wasn’t planning on returning home. She wanted to cut ties with me and instructed her parents to keep me away. I was never given a say. I honored what she wanted. I never figured out her reasoning.

My best guess is that she experienced a psychological crisis, as she stopped communicating with everyone. We were both young and maturing. I’m not sure, but I’ve had trouble coping with it ever since.

After all this time, she suddenly contacts me on Facebook and suggests we get together. I’m overwhelmed with conflicting feelings: anger, anxiety, anticipation, and sorrow. I still have feelings for her. I’m uncertain if I could reconcile with her. However, seeing her Facebook profile evokes a sense of longing. She’s even more attractive than I remember, and unattached.

I’m torn. She refuses to discuss the reasons for her departure, insisting it’s a conversation best had face-to-face. All I can gather from her Facebook activity are vague posts about feeling inadequate, living a shameful and regretful existence, and being isolated. This is ridiculous.

She disappeared on me, and logically, I should be indifferent. However, I still have feelings for her, and I’ve been constantly thinking about her. Should I disappear on her in return? Confront her about it? Or see where this “date” goes?

Ex-fiancée contacted me via Facebook message, suggesting we get together for a “date.” We haven’t communicated in over 15 years; too long to read.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

BootyCladDad −  First off, damn OP that’s rough. 16 years is a long time, would meeting up with her set you back in the time you’ve spent getting over this or will it give you the closer you never found?

olatundew −  I was thinking “talk to her, get some closure” right up until this: She’s even better looking then she was before and SINGLE. This is not going to have a happy ending.

bleuturtle47 −  She ghosted you for 16 years….I wouldn’t even respond. It seems like you need closure but as everyone else says, 16 years is a long time and you yourself have probably changed quite a bit as well. I would go into this meeting with the intent for closure but nothing else. Remember, she ghosted you before your wedding for 16 years!

[Reddit User] −  I’ve been in your situation. Although, she returned after a year (edit: I think it was 2 years) and tried to make things like they used to be. **I’m gonna tell you something very important: Her explanation will not be enough and it will not be closure**

You’re likely in a healthier and more resilient state now, which I hope means seeing her won’t negatively impact your progress. It’s understandable that it will likely be distressing because being ghosted as you were is unacceptable. There’s simply no justification for it. The period of uncertainty you endured, whether it lasted weeks, months, or even years, is now in the past.

They’re irrelevant. You’ve moved forward successfully, and her words won’t alter that. If you wish, meet her, but she shouldn’t gain satisfaction from ‘at least I informed him’ without being reprimanded for her actions. I wish you well.

justkillintime99 −  Just remember that you still have feelings for the person she was. That person is no longer exists. Remember that. Go see her if you need closure but remember she is not the person you fell in love with.

rougatre7 −  She had a lot of opportunities to explain:.

1. Leading up to the nuptials…

After her departure…

3. Upon her return to town…

4. When she talked to her parents.

The instant she sent a message on Facebook. After 16 years of dodging all contact and telling her parents that she wanted nothing to do with you.

Now that she insists on discussing it face-to-face, it seems like she’s trying to lure you into a personal meeting so she can promote her latest scheme while you’re in a weakened state. Value yourself and avoid getting back together with this awful and self-centered individual. It’s not as if she was abducted or anything!

gark218 −  Ask her to write a letter to you about what happened. Then read it and decide if you want to meet in person..?

SmallSacrifice −  Are YOU single? Closure can only be found within yourself. If you have not moved on in 16 years, therapy will help you more than meeting her.

You were practically still kids when she left you. Now that she’s nearing her mid-life crisis, she’s attempting to relive her youth with you because she’s unfulfilled as an adult. It seems you’re in a similar situation. Terminate contact and seek professional help.

yeahnotmymainaccount −  Nah. You are still in love with who you thought she was. Remember what she did and how she did it. She does not deserve your forgiveness or sympathy. Leave her in the past. The only thing this date will lead to is breaking your heart again.

bigboxguy −  Do you look at old tax returns? No. Delete her message and go on with your life.

When memories resurface, do you embrace them or shut them out? If he were to encounter her again for a sense of finality, would he be jeopardizing his healing process, or should he simply proceed forward? I’m interested in hearing your opinions!