I (36M) think my wife of 8 years (31F) is having an affair with our couples therapist (42M)
A user on Reddit voiced concerns that his wife may be romantically involved with their therapist. He observed alterations in their therapy meetings and found his wife at the therapist’s office late at night in questionable circumstances, leading him to contemplate a confrontation during their upcoming appointment. The original narrative provides further details on the development of this predicament.
‘ I (36M) think my wife of 8 years (31F) is having an affair with our couples therapist (42M)’
My spouse and I have struggled with miscommunication for roughly a year, leading us to seek guidance from a marriage therapist approximately seven months ago. Initially, the therapy proved beneficial, fostering improved dialogue. However, around three months prior, she began attending additional individual sessions, citing “self-care” as the reason.
The couples therapy involving all three of us, which occurred approximately three months ago, shifted significantly. I found myself increasingly portrayed as the antagonist, with the other two seemingly forming an alliance against me.
She begins to share details of “Danny” with her friends, emphasizing how much he contributes to her well-being. However, when her friends express interest in scheduling a session, she mentions restrictions such as “he only works with couples” or “he’s not accepting new patients.” This seems strange to me, considering we’ve usually called him “Dr. Soandso,” and now he’s suddenly “Danny.” (I’m unsure whether he has stopped accepting new patients.)
Around the time they started teaming up on me in the sessions (about three months ago) was around the last time my wife and I were intimate.
There have been a couple of other weird coincidences that I thought were puzzling, but three nights ago my wife said she had an emergency with her sister and had to go see her right away.
She headed to the restroom, took a shower, applied perfume, and then departed. It was approximately 9:30 PM, which struck me as highly unusual. Roughly thirty minutes later, I located her iPhone, and the displayed location was his workplace.
When she came home 3 hours later, I asked how her sister was and she kind of gave a weird “oh you know Jenny, d**ma queen” kind of answer.
I think I’m going to confront them in the session this Thursday.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
yahnawbru − [EDIT] I’m not here to “stick it” to the wife or lover, if my post conveyed that and you took it to be a reasonable attitude it is not. [EDIT]. Do not confront them. Do not let them know you suspect anything.
u/der_takin_ma_’s suggestion is worth considering; your therapist’s job is safe if they can assist you. Weigh the potential negative outcomes, especially since your suspicion appears to be based solely on intuition.
Their statement clashes with yours, and they are potentially jeopardizing their professional life by engaging in infidelity. Notify the relevant authorities about your therapist, secure the services of a private detective, and safeguard your interests by documenting any unusual events and setting aside funds inaccessible to your spouse. Take action promptly.
It appears the original poster is choosing a course of action that will likely backfire. I’m adding advice from other users to this comment. u/mister_brain – Having his attorney employ the private investigator or file a report against the therapist would yield better results. u/FluffyFunnyCat – Concealing assets is only relevant if they are not revealed while the divorce is ongoing.
You have the right to maintain your own accounts, but misrepresenting them in legal proceedings is prohibited. Her eligibility for 50% of the assets remains a possibility, contingent on their location and various circumstances. However, if he began using the funds irresponsibly or donating them with the intention of depleting their accounts due to resentment or ill will, she would undoubtedly have grounds to pursue legal action to claim her rightful portion.
u/YourTherapistSays – Just that she was untruthful concerning an appointment, not in a way that indicates an intimate relationship.
It’s clear we’re missing pieces of the puzzle. For instance, was the original poster offered individual therapy? Could it be that the original poster is abusive, and the therapist is helping the spouse develop a strategy for safely leaving the relationship? This is less likely based on the information provided, but it’s not unusual. There’s simply too much we don’t know.
There are always at least three perspectives to consider: mine, yours, and what actually happened. This is a good way to approach things in general, given how many uncertainties exist.
PM_ME_UR_NETFLIX_REC − Get some hard proof (like private eye type proof) before you confront them. You can sue him for serious malpractice and he will lose his license. That s**t is not remotely ethical.
Throwawayhusbandadvi − She has a second Facebook. I did a “forgot password” jailbreak through her second email account. There are some pretty filthy private messages from some guy’s account (I’m assuming his but with a made up name) that coordinate with her solo sessions. I feel sick to my stomach.
These messages vividly depict various actions. The initial communication, sent nearly two months prior, reads “come over and taste it again,” to which she replied, “give me twenty minutes.”
I’M APPALLED THAT I’VE BEEN LOCKING LIPS WITH HIM. I’m almost positive it’s him. I’m tempted to rouse her and settle this now, but I might pause and contemplate it for a bit. I’m considering deleting this Reddit account. Thanks to all.
yellowromancandle − Hire a PI to follow your wife. Feels creepy, but please don’t ignore your intuition, it’s there for a reason. After the PI brings back whatever he/she has found, go to a lawyer. Follow the lawyer’s advice.
Establish a separate bank account that your wife cannot access and begin transferring your funds into it. Do not address your wife or the counselor until you have completed these actions. If your concerns prove unfounded, no harm done. However, if your intuition is accurate, you will have safeguarded your interests.
[Reddit User] − Report him to the board in your state he will get barred from practicing, assuming hes a licensed MFT. This s**t is so wrong from a medical standpoint
Throwawayhusbandadvi − I have a suspicion that she created a second Facebook account to communicate with him as she suddenly has a second yahoo email. She is getting ready for bed and I am going to see if I can open her new email and find out about the second Facebook tonight.
I returned home the other day to find her in her underwear in our bedroom (not completely out of the ordinary), but I suspect she was sending photos to him via Facebook. There have been a few other strange occurrences, but I had dismissed them as paranoia until the other day.
She usually says she’s “going to exercise” following her alone time and almost always comes back from the gym having just taken a shower. Once more, this wouldn’t be particularly strange by itself, but the combination of everything makes me feel quite certain.
icky-chu − Crazy question: is this therapist billing you and your insurance for the self care sessions? If you can prove they are having an affair isn’t this then insurance fraud?
Throwawayhusbandadvi − Fucker just messaged the Facebook “I see you’re online, miss the thickness?” Holy Christ it’s taking all my willpower not to reply. I just really want to find out if it’s “Danny” or some other f**king guy. I mean, she’s going to know the password was changed, and I’m pretty drunk and almost euphoric that this is going to be behind me.
LumberghLSU − If you tracked her to his office at 9:30pm, that seems like case closed to me
Throwawayhusbandadvi − Update: Told my wife I’m getting called out of town until Monday due to the proposal I’m working on with a client. Set up three cams in my house with one in the bedroom. I’m staying with my brother through Monday night. I’m a rollercoaster but I thought this was the best way to maybe get evidence at this point.
How would you handle such a delicate situation, especially when confidence is already shaky? Should the original poster address them head-on, or collect additional proof beforehand? Post your opinions and recommendations in the comments!
