My (31f) boyfriend (32m) and I were casually talking about kids and our future. He said he’s going to get a DNA test when the baby is born. I’d that inappropriate to say?

A 31-year-old female Reddit user is bothered by her 32-year-old boyfriend’s statement. While discussing their future family, he mentioned wanting a paternity test after their children are born. This comment stung her, as she sees it as a sign that he doesn’t trust her.

Despite having a strong and committed relationship, the comment leaves her questioning its appropriateness and whether it’s common practice among couples. Read the original story below:

‘ My (31f) boyfriend (32m) and I were casually talking about kids and our future. He said he’s going to get a DNA test when the baby is born. I’d that inappropriate to say?’

We’re not parents yet, and I’m not expecting, but we’ve discussed starting a family in the coming years. Marriage has also been a topic of conversation. Given our shared passion for automobiles, I playfully wondered aloud what would happen if our children didn’t share our enthusiasm. He responded that he would request a paternity test as soon as we have children. I initially assumed he was kidding, but it seems he’s completely earnest.

I conveyed to him that his insistence on a DNA test inherently suggests a lack of trust in me, and a presumption that this distrust will persist. I explained that it feels like an accusation of infidelity, a suspicion of future betrayal, or a general doubt in my character.

I have not acted in any way that would make him think I was being unfaithful (he is aware that I am completely in love with him, and he is my closest confidant), so I was quite surprised when he said that. He also mentioned that he wouldn’t have told me about it, but I expressed to him how much it hurt and let me down that he even brought it up.

Is it incorrect for me to believe that such a statement is highly unsuitable for a committed, loyal partnership? Or do couples routinely subject their newborn to a DNA test?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Desperate_Fox_2882 −  “I wouldn’t tell you that I’m getting it done.” Welp, he just showed you who he is. I would also wonder what other sneaky s**t he does/will do. The trust in him would be gone, and if it was me, I wouldn’t date a person who would do s**t behind my back

REMreven −  There are some weird social media people that don’t understand bias in statistics that looked at how often the child wasn’t the father’s and falsely extrapolated that to the entire population rather than realizing that people that get DNA tests are often already suspicious that the child is not theirs.

Puzzleheaded_Ad7742 −  Tell him to get an STD test every month for the rest of your life together starting this month. If he agrees to that, you will agree to the DNA test as well.

Awkward_Kind89 −  I’d instantly be suspicious of him. Cheating partners are very strong projectors. Meaning they project their own behaviour onto you. He is cheating, or is planning on cheating, thus he suspects you of cheating, because if he would, why wouldn’t you. Sneaking behind your back with a DNA test is also super sketchy. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.

DifficultBrilliant86 −  Don’t have children with a men that doesn’t trust you

Quiet-Hamster6509 −  While it’s great he’s open and honest, I wouldn’t pursue a relationship/marriage or family with someone like that.

AnniaT −  It’s giving red pill nonsense.

Mean_Environment4856 −  He’s flat out telling you he doesn’t trust you. This isn’t the guy you want a future with.

Tinkeybird −  Well, having been married a really long time, if my husband had said those things to me I would have lost faith in him. I don’t mean to imply that you can be married for 37 years and not disappoint each other on occasion, but he’s telling you upfront he’s going to do things in your marriage that he deliberately will keep from you.

Is that something that would stop the deal? I could offer immediate genetic testing for everyone involved. However, the unspoken implication, “I won’t disclose when I do it,” is more troubling than the genetic testing itself.

Adults often make foolish statements to one another, but I’m more concerned with who is shaping his belief that you intend to deceive him, and why he believes that being secretive is the appropriate course of action. I believe these two matters are significant.

Over the past 37 years, my spouse has made some foolish statements; however, he has never expressed mistrust in me or engaged in any deceitful behavior. It would be completely out of character for him to question our daughter’s paternity or to secretly conduct genetic testing.

[Reddit User] −  That’s not a long-term type of man. That is a very odd comment to make as if he views you as a “sidechick” you don’t say that to a woman you view as your wife

Is it acceptable for a person to ask for a DNA examination as a safety measure, or does such a request automatically signal a lack of faith in the relationship? What steps can one take to alleviate a partner’s worries about faithfulness while maintaining the relationship’s integrity? We invite you to contribute your opinions on this matter.