My (36F) husband (41M) has some disturbing requests for after he’s passed away.

A Reddit user recounted an odd predicament concerning her husband’s final desires. Following a conversation about his end-of-life preferences, he expressed his wish for his skull to be exhibited on their mantel, adorned with blue gemstone eyes crafted from his ashes.

He views it as an inheritance for future family members, but she is very disturbed by the request and is grappling with how to fulfill his desires without violating her personal limits. The original story is available below for those interested in learning more about this unusual scenario.

‘ My (36F) husband (41M) has some disturbing requests for after he’s passed away.’

This is going to sound very strange, and I apologize in advance. My husband and I have been married for a dozen years, and he’s been dealing with a few health issues lately. We started talking about what he wants to happen when he dies, and I wondered if he’d like a burial. He said no. Then I asked about cremation, and he didn’t want that either. My husband’s wish is for his skull to be removed after he passes away and then cleaned for me to keep.

He wishes to have his skull displayed on the living room mantel. As for the remainder of his body, he wants it converted into gems at one of those facilities that perform such transformations, specifically into a pair of blue diamonds. These diamonds are then to be placed within the skull’s eye sockets, serving as eyes. In this way, he can “keep an eye on the family home” and “be inherited across generations.”

My spouse’s sense of humor has always been somewhat ghoulish and inappropriate. So, when he brought it up prior to his illness, I dismissed it as a jest. However, it appears he was serious. He even requested that I join him, so that our skulls, adorned with identical eye jewels, could be displayed above the hearth in tandem. I was resolutely against it.

I attempted to reason with him, but he’s resolute in his decision. I expressed my discomfort, but he justified it by saying it was also for the benefit of our children (who are currently too young to participate in this decision). I inquired if this was his attempt to “live on” through the family even after he passes, and he responded, “not exactly, no”.

I inquired about his preference for the distribution of the remaining cremated ashes from the gem creation process, and he specified that he did not desire any of the remains. Instead, he wanted the largest possible gems crafted and instructed the company to discard the rest. I countered, pointing out that he couldn’t foresee whether his children might desire to possess their father’s actual skull.

What would happen to the skull after my death, and which of my children would inherit it? Moreover, how might my descendants, two or three generations down the line, react if they ended up selling this peculiar human skull at a garage sale simply because it held no significance for them?

How would he perceive my potential decision, made in sorrow and as part of grieving for him, to probably keep his skull permanently boxed up, let alone having to endure its constant “gaze” whenever I relaxed on the sofa?

He showed little concern or interest in the matter generally. The sole instance he appeared agitated was about keeping the item unopened. He stated it was his desire, and opening it would disregard his last request. I pointed out he wouldn’t have to abide by that request for an extended period, but my words had no impact.

It’s hard to move on from how I feel, it’s like I’m stuck. The image of my husband being murdered and dismembered haunts me, and the thought of keeping his skull, staring into those empty “eyes,” fills me with dread. I’d be okay with either burial or cremation.

That Viking burial practice, you know, the one where they convert your remains to fertilizer for trees, or even just scattering my ashes with gemstones, I’m okay with those. However, this skull obsession is genuinely unsettling. He’s being serious and won’t compromise on it.

At this point I’m thinking I would just do a simple cremation after he passes and spread his ashes on our property, but that seems sneaky and dishonest. But there is absolutely no way that I can comfortably live with what he’s asking if he passes away before me. What do I do, Reddit?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

dysfunctional_vet −  I think he’s really underestimating the amount of carbon needed to create a gemstone. He’s not getting two eye-sized stones out of himself unless he’s 9’4″ and made of bison meat.

Diligent_Tomato −  If he has had an MRI could he compromise and have a 3D printed skull replica commissioned as an urn for his ashes?

jon_queer −  It might not be legal. There are a lot of regulations on handling human remains. So give him the task of researching the legality, finding companies that will do it, and determining the cost. And acquiring a term life insurance policy that would cover those costs.

He might find out it’s against the law, and that will be the end of it. Also, ensure he realizes that if his gem/skull doesn’t complement your future interior design preferences, it’ll end up stored away in the garage. And if none of the children want it, they’ll likely sell it to a store that sells unusual items.

LiriStorm −  …I don’t know what to say about the skull thing but maybe you could do the gems? Use part of his ashes to make a necklace pendant for each of your kids to receive at an appropriate age? That’s what my aunt and her sister did with their mothers ashes,

effectivelysingle −  So maybe this would be one of those don’t ask again, consider his recommendation a non binding suggestion, and do what seems prudent if or when he passes.

wcast66 −  Sounds to me as if he is worried about dying young and this is a way to assert some control and feel as if, in his own mind, he will still be living. Why not let him have his fantasy and then do what you need when he does pass on?

Daybreak74 −  I actually work in a funeral home, so perhaps I can shed some light on the subject. Other commenters are correct, the amount of remains required to make a diamond is enough for a couple of carats for sure oh, but it’s also extremely expensive.

You’ve clearly pondered the implications of this. But what if no one in the family is willing to have this abomination in their house? What’s the course of action then? I’m engaged in preparing for end-of-life scenarios, and frequently there’s a disconnect from reality in people’s wishes.

In my country, the executor bears the ultimate responsibility, and their decision regarding final arrangements is legally binding, superseding any objections, even from your husband.

I’m going to offer one last piece of guidance: the phrasing you’ve employed in this message is quite distinctive and easily discoverable. Once you’ve received the information you’re seeking, I highly recommend removing the post. Otherwise, he might find it while doing his own research.

minksjuniper −  Speaking as someone who lost their dad at 16 (11 years now) I can tell you it would be extremely disturbing to see his skull. For some m**bid, odd reason the thought has occurred to me once or twice that by now his corpse has probably withered away to the bone and as I picture him lying there, no longer looking like my dad but a skeleton, it’s a horrible image.

Please refrain from exposing your children to such a sight; it’s preferable for them to remember him as forever youthful and complete. Instead, if financially feasible, consider transforming his ashes into gemstones for you and your children, incorporating them into jewelry that allows each of you to carry his memory with you.

He could be present for his children’s significant events and successes, as well as offer support and security when they face challenges. This is likely his true desire, and he has devised the most imaginative and radical method to accomplish it.

considerthechainrule −  Holy crap was I not prepared for this roller coaster or what. I am so sorry you are in this position OP

wolves_onlyroadway −  I think this is what people mean when they say they’re speechless

Is it more vital to respect a deceased loved one’s last requests, despite them clashing with your own emotions and ease? What would your approach be to such a strange and sensitive demand? Please share your opinions and advice in the comments!