This morning I (27M) found out my gf (27F) cheated on me, where to go from here?

A Reddit user recounted the moment they found out their girlfriend was unfaithful, only a few hours away from their Valentine’s Day celebration. The user found another man in her residence and realized she had been briefly unfaithful. The user was heartbroken and uncertain about what to do next. The complete account details the emotional repercussions and the difficult choices that followed.

‘ This morning I (27M) found out my gf (27F) cheated on me, where to go from here?’

Our Valentine’s Day plans included dining out and staying the night together, but I had requested a late start at work due to prior commitments. However, this morning, I decided to surprise her with flowers and another gift at her place. She had given me a key to her apartment, and upon entering, I found another man having breakfast while she was sitting in a robe, partially undressed, sipping tea.

Upon my arrival, she immediately noticed me and began to cry. The man seemed extremely uncomfortable and eager to leave. Initially, I panicked, and the man subsequently departed. She repeatedly questioned my presence, reminding me of my supposed work commitments, while also expressing remorse. When I attempted to inquire, she remained silent. Eventually, she confessed to meeting him at a bar a few weeks prior, where they conversed and eventually engaged in sexual activity in her vehicle, leading to three subsequent encounters.

I grabbed the flowers and the present and went out. As I write this, I’m at my job, since going back to my place would mean I’d be fixated on her and constantly imagining what she and he might be up to.

We’ve been a couple for three years and were intending to share a home later in the year. I was shopping for rings. She explained that it was because I was her first truly committed relationship and she doesn’t understand why she acted so foolishly and self-centeredly. She assumed I would never learn about it and intended to break it off eventually, as it was only a short-lived affair. I inquired if there were any other instances, but she denied it. At this stage, I’m unsure of what to trust.

The awful part is that my birthday was the day before. We shared a midday meal and rented a room. We ate the evening meal at my house with my parents and I took her back to her residence at approximately 9.30 because she mentioned that she had some things to finalize before the 14th of February. I had faith in her for god’s sake. How and why the hell do individuals behave in such ways towards others? What am I expected to do now?

mynamewasusd: In short, I discovered my girlfriend’s infidelity and the specifics surrounding it on Valentine’s Day morning, and I’ve been at work since then, just blankly staring at my computer screen.

edit at roughly 1:30PM.: I ended the relationship and informed her that I would be by later to collect my belongings, asking that she have them prepared. I also mentioned that I would be returning her possessions and key.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

aussielander −  You have to look on the positive, you have avoided marrying this woman. Ignore her BS about breaking up in the future with this guy.

Esorelyk −  That’s disgusting on her part. Wow. Anyways, you dont have kids together, you dont even live together, so leave. The trust is broken and without that theres nothing. No halfway decent person does that to someone they claim to love. Get the f**k out of it. Sorry this happened, my man. Best of luck.

[Reddit User] −  This is so raw. So making any decisions right now will be hard. And if you feel like holding on to her, it’s understandable because you’ve just had a huge shock. But here’s something to consider. What if you had not shown up unexpectedly? How much longer would she carry this on? He’s having breakfast.

I apologize, but my experiences while being UNATTACHED have only involved casual encounters, and I personally associate breakfast with being in a relationship. Perhaps it’s just my perspective. They’ve been together for only a week, yet they are already at ease, enjoying breakfast together as if they were a couple!

She dumped you on your birthday to sleep with someone else? That speaks volumes about what she values. Infidelity happens, and some couples manage to overcome it. However, I strongly suspect she would have kept it going indefinitely if you hadn’t found out. Consider your own value and what you merit.

Edit: I want to express my gratitude to the person who awarded me my initial Gold!

sn00p3r −  Break up. No Contact. Move on.

Flurb4 −  Get tested.

[Reddit User] −  She is the epitome of an awful person. be glad you found this out now. and under no circumstances do you get back with this girl. she will say anything, bring on the crocodile tears, etc. block her on social media and ghost her. if there is one thing i regret, it is that when i was your age i wasted WAY too much time dealing with women like this. you realize how obviously bad it was and you feel embarrassed.

coolthingsnheaven −  GOD what a piece of s**t girl. Especially since your birthday was yesterday!!! So what, after spending the day with you she then hooked up with him Cheating once, drunkenly, is one thing (I guess-it at least means there was a possibility they didn’t intend to/wouldn’t have otherwise) but continuing to hook up with him weeks later is just fucked up, that’s not just cheating that’s an affair.

She definitely has affections for him, considering he stayed over and was there on Valentine’s Day. Therefore, she is probably being dishonest about how unimportant it all was. I would advise against getting back with her. The excuse that she doesn’t know how to act because he was her first serious relationship is also nonsense, especially considering she’s 27.

Being 21, I’m still experiencing my initial committed relationship that has lasted over four years. I am aware of multiple individuals my age bracket (even one who is 18) who remain in their first committed relationship and have remained faithful. It doesn’t make it acceptable. This message has truly infuriated me; she is a terrible individual for treating you that way. My deepest sympathies, friend.

[Reddit User] −  Similar boat 🙁 leaving and building my life again

kmoneyrecords −  Dude. I usually refrain from posting on some of these cuz everyone’s got problems but I can’t bite my tongue on this one. She is borderline a s**iopath…right around both your birthday and Valentines? Are you kidding me? Especially when it seems like you’re putting in tons of effort, like wtf…no counseling, no reconciliation, no second chances, do not pass go. Get the f**k out of there and see it as a cruise missile dodged. What a f**king slag

lenerz −  OP, I am a female around your age and I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. The actions of your girlfriend disgust me. I would never do such a thing to my boyfriend. God forbid I even kissed somebody or they kissed me, I would tell my boyfriend RIGHT AWAY because I’d feel so guilty and gross.

She had relations with him on three separate occasions. Not only that, but she was with him last night, following your birthday, and after being with you and your family. That’s awful by any measure. She’s remarkably self-centered and holds no genuine regard for you.

There’s a genuine woman in the world at this very moment who, perhaps in the coming months or even a year, will surpass this one. You’ll share a life and a wonderful, sound connection. Picture this future woman grappling with similar nonsense right now.

It is odd how destiny plays out, but the fact that you’ve been with your current partner for three years and share acquaintances shouldn’t obligate you to remain in the relationship. OP, please do what’s best for yourself and your future partner: end things. Cease all communication and don’t give her any opportunities.

You will not move past this, and your faith in her is gone for good. She’s likely to repeat this behavior, to be frank. A good partner doesn’t engage in such actions; someone with genuine love wouldn’t treat you like this. You’re worthy of more. I hope things improve for you, and I’m saddened that you’re experiencing this, especially on this particular day.

Have you ever gone through a comparable situation, and what would your reaction be if you were the original poster? What recommendations do you have for getting past this type of disloyalty? Leave your comments in the section below.